Her Every Cent Counts - a quarter life crisis, and change

When Your Career Ladder Looks Like a Jungle Gym

2010-09-13T11:38:00.000-07:00

My resume was a great conversation starter at an MBA recruiting event I went to this weekend. My takeaways were that I can likely get into at least one of my top choice schools if I manage to get a really, really high score on the GMATs (as in, over 700.) Most schools seem to like that I'm not the typical MBA candidate, which is a good thing.

But this post isn't about my quest to get an MBA, or it isn't directly about this quest. Instead, it's about moving up, down, and diagonal on the career "ladder."

My current job is a huge leap up from any positions I had before in both responsibility, salary, and company respect. But it's a six month contract which is ending soon, and likely won't be renewed (more to do with the state the company is in than my work here, my boss wants to keep me on.) So I'm in a pickle. Where do I go from here?

The biggest problem is defining my career goals and understanding how my next steps will get me there. Incredibly, with the large-name company on my resume I'm getting calls back on my applications from other respectable companies. That's not to say I'll get past the first interview, but the phone is at least ringing.

It isn't clear where I'm supposed to step to go up in my career. Most of the jobs I really want require an MBA or a lot of luck. Then there are all these very good jobs that are all so very different and can lead me in very, very different directions. Do I want to do customer support? B2B or B2c? General marketing? Social media marketing? How do these answers change when each option has a specific company attached to it? How do they change when each company has a salary attached to it?

Honestly, I'd be happiest doing online customer support. Because I love helping people and solving problems. That role is at an excellent company, but I bet my pay would be cut in half. Or maybe I could negotiate a little more, but I can't imagine they'd pay a customer support person the same amount I'd make as a marketing manager or even marketing assistant. I'd be happier in the short-term, and there's a chance getting a foot in the door at this company can lead to bigger and better things, but is it really a step up in my career? Should I care?

When it comes down to it, I need to look at what I'm good at and what makes me happy. I know I get the most reward out of helping people, solving problems, etc. Those types of jobs don't pay as well as selling to people. Ideally I'd find a role where I can solve problems and help people while developing and marketing products. That may require an MBA. Right now I can possibly get hired as a social media manager, but that career path is limiting. It's also all marketing and not as much about improving a product. It can be, it just depends on the role, product and company.

Regardless, the pickle I'm in now will only continue to, well, pickle, before I can take a bite and discover the taste of my future.

Graduate School... Costs a Fortune Before You Get In

2010-09-08T16:35:00.000-07:00

Forget the cost of tuition, room and board, the cost of applying to graduate school is fiercely staring at my quivering piggy bank like an angry honey badger ready to pounce on an unsuspecting snake long before I've even scribbled a sentence of my application essay.

To get into a top masters program -- MBA or otherwise -- you need to stand out for more than just your GPA. When your GPA makes you stand out for the wrong reasons, you're far behind the curve. It isn't clear if it's possible to run really fast and hard to make it over that hump (ie pay expert consultants a lot of money to teach you the right speed to run and how your feet should hit the ground every step of the way) but the consultants surely will tell you that without them, you'll be sitting down where you started, exhausted, looking up at a giant insurmountable lump of your future.

The cost for a live or online GMAT study program is somewhere around $1000 - $1400. There are cheaper programs, of course, and plenty of ways to get some books and study on your own, but many advise to take one of the classes if you're the kind of person to underachieve on standardized tests. But for the candidates who really want to do well, you can pour hundreds or thousands of dollars more into private tutoring... just so you'll break 700 or 750.

Consulting by admissions experts for the top programs is even more painful. One program I was examining the other night cost $3500 for a full package of help and edits to apply to just one school. Plenty may argue that putting $5000 - $10,000 into preparing yourself to apply for a top ranked program is worth it because on the other side of the hill... long after the field trips and late nights getting intimate with statistics... there's a miraculous salary increase that will improve your overall lifetime earnings by, well, something around a lot of money, give or take a decimal point. But that's IF you get in. All the coaching and test-taking advice in the world may never be enough. It's a gamble either way. And if you can do it on your own (obviously there are plenty of people who have got into top MBA programs without draining their savings on outside help) then why seek out an expert?

Looking at my semi-healthy bank account, I can't fathom draining my cash or stocks for this kind of coaching. And maybe that's why I'll never be an MBA student or even masters student. I figure, if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. And, meanwhile, am somewhat jealous of the people in the world that can afford such coaching, and their Harvard / Stanford / Wharton / Kellogg / Haas / Ross pedigree.

What Salary Buys Happiness in Your City? $75k or $160k?

2010-09-07T16:34:00.000-07:00

Today, the Wall Street Journal attempted to figure out just how much money (yearly, salary-wise) you need to be happy in any given city in the US. The article is quite relevant to the money tiffs my boyfriend and I have been having over how much a person / family needs in the Bay Area to be happy.

The whole concept is based on a study that says once people earn $75k, any additional income does not improve their happiness. But we all know $75k goes a lot further in the middle of nowhere than in Times Square. The WSJ attempted to figure out what $75k means across the US based on the cost of living.

Of course, my city is the second most expensive in the country, requiring an income of $118.5k to be happy. Only New York, which would require an income of $163k for the same level of happiness, is more expensive (and much more expensive at that, though I feel quality of life in the Bay Area is much higher.)

The chart is an interesting comparision of just what equals a really good salary in different parts of the country. This is the first year I’m, in theory, earning $120k (though likely only earning a little more than half of that due to on-and-off contract work) and I can attest to the fact that this is the first year I feel happy with my salary and quality of life. I’m living cheaper than I have to in order to save money, but that’s more because I’m going to end up earning $80k this year and not $120k. I can see that extra $40k just pushing me up to the amount where I’d feel stable, would be able to spend a little on things like… a car that has functioning air conditioning, and still not break the bank.

Hmm, maybe I should move to Dothan, Alabama.

Then again… they need to factor in how happy people are in each city to figure out the true cost of happiness where people live. In the Bay Area, I think happiness is cheaper because there’s so much to do outside – for free – and weather is generally decent enough to spend a good chunk of the year outside. Whereas, in Chicago, you may need less money to hit this target salary of fiscal happiness, but then that happiness is much more expensive… to keep yourself entertained all year long, you have to pay a lot more.

What do you think? What salary would you need to make in your city to reach the ultimate “happiness” a salary can offer before the excess is just luxury, without affecting your emotional state?

Clashing Long Term Fiscal Values in a Young Relationship

2010-09-07T11:16:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend and I have been together four years. I quickly fell in love with his kindness and calm nature, which contrasted with my oft-anxious and somewhat self-centered relationship with the world. Mostly, though, I found that after dating a law student for two years I felt much more comfortable in a relationship with someone who had less motivation than I did than more. With the lawyer, who had an Ivy undergrad education and a JD from a top-10 school, I could never equal his level of success (or so I thought at the time) with my average schooling and internship salary.

Thus, dating a guy who wasn’t striving to become the next Joe Jamail was a refreshing relief. With the attorney, I always felt like he looked down on my choices and with that my depression over uncertainty, my 21-year-old lack of clarity. Enter my current boyfriend with his lack of concern over professional title or climbing up the corporate ladder, and I felt safe. With him, I felt comfortable moving up my own corporate ladder. It’s not that he is stupid or anything, he too has a degree from a top school with a high honors mark on his diploma to boot. So intelligence is not the factor here, more so, it’s the fundamentals of what motivates a person.

Four years later, my boyfriend and I still have little arguments about money. He doesn’t like discussing finances – which, fair enough, is not something two people dating oft discuss prior to marriage or at the very least engagement. After being unemployed for a year and not applying to jobs, he eventually landed a low-paid, part-time internship (one that I had completed earlier) and after that found an hourly editorial job at a non-profit that paid less than I made at my first non-profit job. It was obvious he hadn’t cared to negotiate for a better starting wage, but mostly I was proud of him for finally getting out of his funk and getting a job.

The years go by… and neither of us are by any means perfect. I manage to get fired from… a few jobs… because I lack motivation when I believe my contributions would be better contributed by a robot. As I learned to force myself to do my job no matter what, I got laid off because that job was no longer needed. To my credit, every time I lost my job I managed to practically double my salary in my next position. I moved across industries and tried out a lot of different things to figure out where I would be fulfilled. I realized that I am, to some extent, motivated by money – not by having nice, flashy things, but by watching my networth increase… my maxing out my 401k… by feeling that I may one day have enough to afford a house, even in the Bay Area.

My boyfriend, on the otherhand, spent those three years working at the non-profit. He did his job very well, followed orders, increased productivity in the company by making many of the processes more efficient. He never asked for a raise. His boss gave him a very small “raise” when he decided to work less hours and go 1099 contract instead of W2 hourly. He’s still making $20/hr, while I’m billing upwards of $80/hr on some of my projects.

This isn’t to say that I would judge anyone for working a job that makes $20/hr – there are plenty of jobs I respect out there that earn this. If you’re talking about $20/hr in Kansas, that’s also a very different income than $20/hr where the average small house costs over $1M. But this is where we always get into our little tiffs about money… I argue that before I have kids, I’d like to have an average yearly dual income of at least $150k. Long-term, I see no reason why that dual income can’t be $300k. And I would feel more comfortable in life, before deciding to have children, to know that we’d make that kind of income in our lifetimes.

My boyfriend thinks I’m crazy. Maybe I am. $150k for a family income is not unreasonable, but the majority of people in America live on much less than that – and many of them have healthy, happy families. I just look at my current spending – which could be more frugal, but is by no means extravagant – and wonder how I’d ever be able to save for retirement and pay for a house and potentially pay back graduate school loans, all while also affording children (I want two or three of them within the next 10 years.)

My boyfriend, who also wants to return for graduate school (either to become a teacher or psychology researcher) will never care about income above and beyond middle class. It’s not that he’d mind if his field paid more, he just will never be the type to push for raises or chose a job because it pays better. And as much as I admire that about him – as much as I feel safer in my own career journey knowing that my partner will accept me and love me if I make $30k a year or $200k a year, I still feel like sometime down the road this difference in fiscal values will start to hurt us a lot more than it does now.

There are times when I think of what it would be like to continue my search for my life partner, and I just can’t imagine being with anyone else. I love this guy to death, and again, I couldn’t be with someone who cared that much about money. If anything, I know that I’m most comfortable bringing home the bacon because then I feel I have more right to be in charge of the household finances. My mom is clueless when it comes to money and my entire life my parents have argued about how it should be spent. As my father was the one bringing home a single income (albeit over $200k by the time he retired) he never felt she had any right to be involved in financial decisions. If I was with a guy who understood finances more than I did… and made more money… then I might end up in that situation too. So I’d rather be the one in charge, making more money, and with a guy who maybe doesn’t care that much about his salary.

It just makes me nervous about limiting my choices later in life. What if I want to take a year off to spend time with my newborn child? What if I want to work part-time to be able to go to my child’s plays during the school day or drive them to soccer practice? On the whole other hand of this, I’m terrified of knowing I’m worth “$200/hr” or whatever my going rate would be at the time, and then deciding not work that hour because I want to spend it with my family. It would almost be easier to have less money, have a stable job, and never feel like my time is stamped with a dollar value. Or, at the least, have a partner who earns as much as I do, or around the same amount, so we could contribute to a goal income for the year… and enjoy the time we have off without the calculator in my head exploding over lost income opportunities.

September Networth: $77,434

2010-09-03T20:49:00.000-07:00

Will I or won't I hit my goal this year of a $100k networth? It's possible. I'm at around $77.4k right now.

I need to be extremely frugal over the next four months to hit my goal.

As far as income goes, I'm expecting:

Potential September Income

Project A: $10000 pre-tax this month

Project B: owed $1600 + potential income of $3200 (pre-tax)

Project C: owed $300 (pre-tax)

Total: $14000 pre-tax... ~$9000 after tax.

I'll prob spend $2000 this month on rent, food, insurance, gas, health, etc.

So if I can do +$7000 this month I'll be at $84k.

That leaves $16k that I need to make in 3 months between Oct & Dec, or $5.3k per month after tax.

It's possible for Project #C I will start a $5k-$10k per month contract for 1 month. That would help a lot! Project B will likely pay around $3200 pre-tax for part-time, though it's not guaranteed. Project A is likely ending this month.

I plan to donate 10% of any income above $100k that I earn and 15% of all income above $120k, if I happen to earn that much, 25% of all income over $150k. It's not much, but I like the idea of donating a portion of income I earn over $100k.

I Will Teach -- Me -- to Be Rich

2010-09-03T15:32:00.000-07:00

Earlier today on my lunch break I opened up the PDF first chapter of Ramit Sethi's "I Will Teach You To Be Rich" and read through it quickly.

One part that stuck out was early on when he poses the question "what do you define as rich?" He argues that you first must figure out what rich means to you in order to get there.

What does "rich" mean to me?

It means...

Having enough passive income to not have to work.
Having enough passive income to fund my own business.
Having enough passive income to fund my own business and fail. Maybe 3 times.
Being able to work when I want, for who I want.
Having enough money to donate large sums each year without feeling like it hurts my ability to achieve above goals.
Manage to do this while also having a family with 2-3 kids and supporting an upper middle class lifestyle and occasional splurges.

A few years ago, I would have said "making over $50k a year." Well, that was never rich in my mind, but it sure came close. I recently reviewed my social security statement for the past six years and realized that with the exception of last year, my largest yearly income to date was $25k. Last year I made about $63k. This year, I should hit $80k-$100k. And that still doesn't feel rich. I feel less rich now than I did when I was making $25k because instead of wealth being impossible, it instead is a hard, yet achievable road of long hours, late nights, working for 'the man', or finding the right startup to get lucky at.

If I never have kids, never buy a house, avoid graduate school, and maintain my current level of saving ($50k per year) with a 5% rate of return on average, I'll have over $1 million by the time I'm 40.

But is that rich? Not at all.

What does "being rich" mean to you?

Graduate School -- Calculating a Reality Check

2010-09-02T15:44:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of daydreaming about graduate school as of late. If I can manage to get past the GMATs and possibly retake the GREs for a better score, there's still one more overwhelming knot I must tackle: reward vs. cost of a graduate degree.

Today, I started a spreadsheet to attempt understanding just how much money over time each of my top-choice programs would cost me. I tried my best to fairly estimate how much it would cost for a year including tuition, room, board and other necessary costs. My top-choice schools range from $30k a year to $80k a year. Most programs are 2 years, some are 3. Some are MBA programs, others are in design research. My top choice is in both, and happens to cost the most when lost salary is added in (it's a 3 year program.)

Based on my current income, I feel it is safe to say that I could make $100k average per year during the time I would be in graduate school. So to understand the total cost of school, I've added that yearly lost income. Granted, I could freelance and consult on the side during school or obtain scholarships and other work situations, but at this time I'm looking at the cost of graduate school w/ no work vs. working full time. And I can't handle the results of my calculations.

My top choice school, which would grant me an MBA and a Design masters degree, will cost approx $500k over 3 years. (WHAT? A HALF MILLION DOLLARS?) It's $160k total, give or take, without the income loss factored in. Quite frankly if I continue on the professional track I'm on now I can probably match any income bump I'd get from having an advanced degree.

Now, the thing is, I'm not going for my masters degree for a raise. I'm going because I want to give myself a fighting change to lead product management for an innovative company. That leads me to wondering, however, if I'd be better off investing that $500k in starting a company instead of going to grad school.

Even the in-state program that I'm interested in will cost me $260k over a period of 2 years including lost income. How can I justify this kind of spending?

This all comes at a time when my networth is eeking closer and closer to $100k. At the moment, that seems like A LOT of money. But when I look at the cost of these graduate degrees (and the cost of life in general), it seems like pocket change.

Looking ahead to the future I know I won't have the luxury to save as much as I do now. I'd like to start a family when I'm in my early 30s. My boyfriend is also planning on going to school so will have loans as well. Once I go to graduate school my value will be entirely in the amount of time I work in life. These days I feel like it's a waste of time to do anything other than work... all my freelance projects earn me additional income - why spend time outside at a park when I can be earning valuable cash to invest when the market is down and I'm still young?

Not that I'm complaining... life is going really well, esp given the current economic circumstances. I'm just trying to figure out how to justify graduate school to myself when on paper (eh, Google docs spreadsheet) it just doesn't make fiscal sense. Then there's this whole "having to get in" issue as well.

Making Sense and Losing Cents of the Economy

2010-08-30T11:19:00.001-07:00

Like everyone else who has a dime or more invested in equities, I’m concerned about the future of the stock market. Whenever the market looks so bleak, everyone is concerned. And that’s usually the best time to invest. Yet with my yearly investments becoming more sizable, this feels a lot like Las Vegas. Even with diversification, it doesn’t help when all (or most) stocks are on red.

After receiving my paycheck for the past months and reimbursed expenses, I realized that I’m sitting on $16k liquid in my checking account. Part of me hates writing about this because I know I’m so lucky to have the luxury to ask the question “where should I invest?” But this may also be a temporary income boost and I want to invest wisely.

Yesterday, I pulled out my social security statement and studied my yearly income since 2002. Other than last year, I made somewhere between $0 and $25,000 each year. Last year, I broke $60k for a full year’s worth of work. This year as of Sept 1, even with 2 months of unemployment (unpaid), I have earned around $70k this year. And with the way some contracts are shaping up, I expect to make an additional $10k to $30k by the end of the year. So now I face the unlikely problem in a time of economic crisis – what do I do with all this money?

The easy answer is: spend it. Not on wasteful purchases, but things that I need or will need soon. I could buy a new car, or a “new” used car. Or I could invest in property somewhere (though that requires stable long-term income, which I am not confident I’ll have, especially with my plans to go back to school in the next two years.) So where do I put the excess cash?

I’ve already maxed out my IRA and will, within this month, max out my 401k (no match, bummer.) I will likely put another $2000 in my HSA which is invested in very low-risk funds. My IRA is in Sharebuilder and I bought 5 funds – the gold ETF, the silver ETF, two high-dividend ETFs and a REIT ETF. My 401k is invested in a mix of equities and bonds, and I’m not clear what is in it exactly. With a large chunk of my savings this year going into my 401k, I’m concerned that in the next ten years we’ll have deflation, high taxes, and my 401k will turn to mush.

But I’m willing to take that risk with $16.5k because it could be a very good time to invest as well. I’m just not sure I can stomach taking that risk with more money. Not without understanding the real economic situation in this country and the world. History doesn’t always repeat itself, or even if it does it may take a longer time to turn around. I’m young now, I can handle that, but if the next 5-10 years will be lost decade #2, why should I play?

The whole media fueling the fire is disturbing as well. I can’t tell how much of the stocks slipping these days is all the fear stories about how bad the economy is doing. It’s a domino effect that goes in a circle downward. What if all the news resources lied and said the economy was turning around and there’s a ray of sunshine close ahead? If people would invest and spend money than… well, that seems to be the only way to dig ourselves out of this mess right now. I don’t know if I agree with that, but what else can we do? We need people spending again so companies will start hiring again. That’s how capitalism works, right?

But it will take a long time to trickle down to lower and middle classes. The media couldn’t lie for that long. News would get out that the future is not so sunny. And everything would crash again.

Or you can just – apparently – print money until the cows come home and thus make every dollar worth less and less and less. That can’t be a good thing.

Right now lots of big names in economics are saying that we may have a “double dip recession” or – worse? – a depression… because we never actually recovered from the first recession. I wish I understood economics jargon more so I could make sense of this, this, this and this ... and the thousands of other economic gloom and doom stories I'm reading.

Any feedback from those of you out there who are more economically savvy?

3 NSF Fees from Bank for Same Transaction: The appropriate acronym is WTF

2010-08-29T09:43:00.000-07:00

My bank (which will remain nameless) charges me a $35 fee when I don't have enough funds to cover a transaction. Normally I'd say -- ok, that's a bit steep, but it's my fault for sending out a check that I can't cover with funds in my account. But this summer things got a bit wonky.

For work I need to put all of my expenses on my card and then get them reimbursed. I ended up spending a lot more than I expected and although my American Express payment wasn't due, I wanted to make sure it was paid of asap. For some reason I thought I had enough money in my account to cover the $3500 payment. Well, I didn't. I found this out by seeing a $35 charge on my account activity page. Crap, I thought to myself, I can't believe I just wasted $35. So I was going to let it slide.

Then, two days later, I saw another $35 fee. I called up my bank to find out what's up. Apparently American Express is allowed to automatically try to get the payment through a bunch of times, and each time they try it hits my account with a $35 fee. I called up American Express and they told me that once I approved the payment, it's all done automatically, and I had to wait for it to be denied.

So I called up my bank account and after a few minutes of begging got them to remove one of the $35 fees. I hoped that American Express would be done with the requests for payment, but a few days later another one showed up on my account. I called my bank again and the conversation went something like this:

"Can you waive the $35 fee because I am already paying a $35 fee for that transaction. I now have the money in there to pay for the entire American Express payment and then some. I'm a good customer (yada yada) so can you help me out this one time?"

"No, sorry, it won't let me do that, we already removed one fee."

"But it's for the same transaction. It didn't even pay it, it was returned to American Express. I will probably have a fee from them as well."

"I'm sorry it's all automated there's nothing I can do... ... ... unless ... unless you have some sort of hardship, are unemployed or something...?"

(A pause. I wonder how much I should stretch the truth)

"Well, my job is ending soon" I started, adding "my job is ending next week."

"You should call us back next week," she starts.

"What? This is ridiculous." I brought out my inner actress here. "My job is ending... next week, and you can't put that I'm unemployed now? I will be unemployed next week. On..."

"Today is your last day?" she adds, as if trying to help me through my lie.

"Yes, I don't have work on Monday," I said, "today is my last day."

"Let me see if that will work," she said. A few seconds later I had my $35 refund.

So... does this make me a bad person? Truth is I AM losing my job next month unless my contract gets renewed. Not on Monday, but fairly soon after. Really, though, I figure I'm paying the one $35 fee for my stupidity and the bank does not deserve a cent more.

Since fairness has nothing to do with bank fees, I also take a little consolation in knowing I'm heavily investing in bank stocks. If they're going to get bailed out by the government and charge ridiculous fees, I'm going to get in on that action.

Eat. Pay. Money can't buy you Love.

2010-08-28T21:24:00.000-07:00

Life has been too busy, for better or worse, to update this blog as frequently as I have in the past. Mostly, though, I'm afraid of being found out -- I know far too many people who are experts in finding things online accidentally or otherwise, thus I'm concerned about writing details of my professional or fiscal life at this point to identify myself. Heck, one gal who read my livejournal for a few years guessed this was me just by my writing style and some other details. What, am I the only insecure yet semi successful gal who writes in run-on sentences in this world?

In any case, it's time for a real update. I'll take my chances and hope that I don't say anything too incriminating here to get me into trouble in the real world.

This summer I spent most of my time traveling for a business trip, and then a short vacation since I was already abroad and needed a breather. The best part about it -- other than seeing some cool new places and having great professional opportunities -- was how much money I made in a month. I ended up working extremely long hours and billed about two months worth of work in one month's time -- which is especially great since my contract will be expiring soon and it's not sure yet whether it will be renewed.

I'm not too concerned on that front, though. I've already made more money this year than I did last year, even with just seven months of work. I also have a few startup projects that I'm working on which are extra income streams -- though they're more to keep me sane (I can't just work on one thing at a time) than for the money. Then again, I've found consulting in my field can be quite lucrative. Sure, self employment tax sucks, but once you can call yourself an expert in something you can get away with charging enough to cover that and then some. What I really love about those jobs, though, is the ability to work from home. I'm so much less anxious at home so I get much more done and do better work. Ultimately, I'd like to find a full-time job or consulting work that I can do mostly at home.

That brings me to my current plan to actually apply to graduate school this year. It's definitely the right time for me to do this, if I'm going to ever go to grad school. I'm 26 and I'm not getting any younger. I want to have my graduate degree by the time I'm 30 and given that a few programs I'm looking at are 3 years long, it's now or never. And now is a great time... I don't have an extended full-time job (even if my contract does get renewed it will end in another six months) and my consulting projects could feasibly continue into grad school if my bosses feel I add enough value to the company, and ideally I could work a few hours a week to cover some of my basic expenses outside of loans.

Still, I wonder if grad school has a place in my life. This year (not counting my two months of unemployment) I would have made over $120k -- most graduate programs, even top-ranking ones, boast that their graduates that are on the high end of the salary scale score jobs that pay that must post graduation. Of course, the reason for me to go to grad school isn't exactly for salary alone... it's about having more flexibility in my career, more respect, and more knowledge. I just wonder how much that's worth... because I seem to be doing ok so far -- which I'm proud of and also somewhat guilty about, given the state of the economy. I certainly don't feel like I deserve the income... yet I know I'm most comfortable in the upper middle class, and I don't expect my boyfriend to ever get me there. It's all on me.

My goal this year was to end 2010 with a net worth of $100k. Even though I've been making a lot and saving a lot, the stock market (as we all know) is not doing well enough to boost my savings to that goal. Right now it looks like I might hit $80k... which means I would have saved $30k this year (not so bad.) I might be able to make it to $100k if some of these side projects work out, but that's all up in the air. It's tough because some weeks I love working the extra hours and other weeks I just wish I had time to have a life! For instance, I've been spending all day working... instead of hanging out with my boyfriend and enjoying the nice weather. Hopefully I'll have a few hours away from the computer tomorrow.

I have a hard time sticking to my goals because everything in life is so transient. Working for a big corporation has been a great learning experience, but I also struggle to find motivation in working for 'the bottom line' when even my direct superiors and their superiors don't have a lot of say in what we're doing. I definitely like working for smaller companies where you have a say. Then again, in a bigger company it's a bit easier to just hang on for the ride... do what you're told... which is nice sometimes. But not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life.

Well, I have to get back to work. I don't know if anyone still reads this blog since I never update, but if you do say hi as knowing folks still read will encourage me to write more. :)

Overfunding my Retirement Contributions?

2010-08-22T10:44:00.000-07:00

This year I've done much better than in previous years, so I decided to get a jump on my retirement savings. I'm maxing out my 401k and my IRA. I still don't know if I'll qualify for the Roth IRA or not (depends on whether I keep my job through Oct, Nov & Dec) so right now I have a regular IRA and I'll reclassify if needed at the end of the year.

What I'm most excited about is being able to max my 401k. My company doesn't match but the good news is that I'm funding the 401k in preparation of a Roth conversion. Being 26, I have plenty of time to let the tax laws work their magic. Sure, $13k is not a huge amount of money, but that's a good thing because I'll still have to pay taxes on it when I convert. I plan to wait to the year I go to grad school to do all the conversions because surely I'll be making very little money then, if any, and be in a low tax bracket.

Now if only my boyfriend would start saving for retirement, I'd worry a bit less about it.

I'm also a little concerned that I'll never be able to afford a house, but oh well, at least at this rate I should be able to retire. Hopefully I'll live that long.

Contemplating a Serious Career Change

2010-07-01T15:01:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's because I'm an INFP with ADHD, but I always feel the need for a career shift every couple of years. I get bored at jobs but that's not the only reason I look for a change. There is something missing at every job I've had so far and what that thing is becomes clearer as I get older. That thing is feeling like I'm helping people.

Of all the jobs I've had so far, the moments I've liked most were when I felt most connected to my "NF" side. Admin? Hated data entry. Liked answering questions when people needed help. Retail? Hated "selling." Loved helping people shop for something that fit what they wanted. PR? Hated "pitching." Liked helping journalists get the information they need. Journalism? Liked when I got to write articles to give a voice to people in the local newspaper who otherwise wouldn't be heard. Disliked when my whole job was getting stories first about corporate drama. Marketing? Well, it's hard to find a lot to like here in this sense. I do enjoy the strategy end of things, but I'm lacking motivation to promote something that doesn't benefit people in any way. Notice a trend?

This has me sitting here, wondering if I have gone the entirely wrong direction with my life. I'm "only" 26 but some jobs out there require years of training... a high GPA... and a whole lot of commitment. The worst thing is that now I am making really good money. That would be great if I loved my job, but it's hard to stop everything and go into debt for another x number of years of school to ultimately learn less money. My secret TJ side is screaming "that's stupid!"

One of the fields I'm tossing around is nursing. If I like helping people so much, and I like jobs that are fairly high paced, why not be a nurse? I always wanted to have a job where I could be special and different. Being a nurse is not about you at all. It's a job just like any other job. But where I'd never get recognized by the masses, I'd be recognized for helping people every single day. Would that be enough to make me happy? Maybe.

The only thing I know is that if i keep on the route I'm on now, well, I'm looking at doing what I do best... getting fired, or laid off, or quitting, and being depressed, but too scared to change my track, and then managing to find something else that is "better" in theory (better pay, more reasonability) but worse in getting me closer to career happiness. If that exists.

There are other things I'm interested in... especially psychology... and if I'm going to be a nurse why not just go for the PsyD? Or, heck, get a postbac in premed and go to school for 12 years to become a psychiatrist? It feels too late for all of that. And I don't want to kid myself. I'm definitely interested in psychology, but I'm also not a good test taker and I'm of average or only slightly above average intelligence and below average focus and motivation. I'm on a roll right now faking it in the field I'm in, why change? -- and, granted, I don't totally fake it - but I feel like a big phony. But... if I have one life... why give up a chance to feel like I'm helping people every day? Wouldn't that be worth more than any salary?

IRA or 401k? Is it too late?

2010-07-01T10:52:00.000-07:00

When I realized I would be earning too much this year to qualify for a Roth IRA, I cried a little bit. Ok, that's overly dramatic, but I have been so proud of myself for saving my pennies each year of my $20k to $50k / year income to max out my Roth IRA that I felt a little empty knowing my savings this year could not be invested in tax-free growth.

So I thought I'd do the second-best thing... open a traditional IRA and deduct the money now, pay taxes on it later. Not the best option in the world, but at least I'd get to deduct the money from my rather high single tax rate.

This morning I found out that I was completely wrong about that. I admit it's my fault for not doing my research appropriately, but now I'm totally bummed. Apparently the income you're allowed to have to get the benefits of a traditional IRA is LOWER than that of a Roth IRA. This makes absolutely no sense to me right now because why would anyone want to invest in a traditional IRA if you are in a low-ish tax bracket?

I guess if you do not have a retirement plan at work you are allowed to deduct up to $5k for your traditional IRA in each tax year. Funny how this is the first year of my life I will have access to a retirement plan... a 401k (no match or anything, of course, god forbid I work for a company that would match my contributions.) I signed up for it, and I am supposed to start making contributions in mid July. I wanted to max out my 401k and my IRA for the maximum deduction to reduce my AGI. But it looks like that's not happening.

The only reason I can see a traditional IRA having some benefit is that I think I can still put up to $5k in there each year and $16.5k into the 401k and later, when I'm not making a lot of money over the year, I can convert both of those accounts to a Roth IRA and pay taxes in a lower tax bracket. Given that I obviously don't understand tax law very well, I may be off on this logic as well. At least then I can see why a traditional IRA has some value. But as this conversion thing is fairly new - why would anyone want to open a traditional IRA? Is there ever a good reason for this?

Mint's "Goals" Depress Me.

2010-06-30T19:19:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've written on here because I've been so busy lately. Which is a good thing. I'm working a full-time job, spending some time on a side project, and not spending all that much money. All in all, I'm doing "good." Heck, I'm doing amazing right now in relation to how I've done at any point in my life before - financially, personally, etc.

Yet I feel so far away from reaching any of my goals. Mint's new Goals feature makes my future look terribly bleak. Especially given that my current salary -- of about $120k per year, give or take -- is temporary at best -- and even WITH that salary I can't save enough to reach my "goals." At least according to Mint.

I made four different goals for myself...

Emergency Fund -- I have my $8k in that, and it's the only goal I'll reach.

Save for Grad School -- I need to save $110k, I've saved $1.4k. Yikes. At this rate I'll go to to grad school by the time I'm 90.

Buy a Home? Yea, right. I need to save $207k for a downpayment. I haven't really saved anything for a downpayment yet, but I'm counting my various non retirement investment as savings for a downpayment (which, it is if I ever want to buy a house.) Ok, so how much do I have saved now? A whopping $13k. Mint so nicely reminds me that I'm "4 years and 10 months behind" my savings goal. Granted, I wrote that I want to buy a million dollar house - but that's not unreasonable where I live. That's a pretty small house where I live. And I'll never do it. Ok, so I'll rent forever. Or I need to more to Kansas (I guess I'm renting forever.)

Retirement? Well, I'm doing OK on that goal. It doesn't LOOK like I'm doing ok since according to Mint I need to save $6,362,665 by the time I'm 65 to hit my retirement goals. Yikes. Yea, so that's giving me $80k per year in retirement income and I doubt I'll need that much money when I retire, but I wouldn't mind having it. I have $22.8k saved so far, at 26. You may say I don't REALLY have $22.8k saved because that money will probably have to go to the down payment on my house one day when/if I want to buy one. Which SUCKS because I don't want my retirement savings to go back to zero.

I know it's good to be honest with yourself about your goals and how much you have to save, but really this is just terribly depressing. And as I contemplate seriously applying for graduate school next year, I am forced with knowing that grad school will make my goals even further from ever becoming a reality. It almost makes me want to give up. I'll never own a house and never have enough for retirement. I'll be lucky if I can buy myself another car when this one dies.

Is Capitalism Evil?

2010-05-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

I'm a little late to the table on this question, but is Capitalism evil? My boyfriend and I watched the Michael Moore film Capitalism a few days ago and have been arguing since. My boyfriend believes the whole capitalism is evil argument, while I'm torn. It is a system based on greed and greed ultimately equals corruption (because that's just the way people are), however it's the best system I know. That's not saying it's the right way to have an economy.

If my boyfriend had his way, he'd live in a real communist society. One where everyone really gets exactly the same. His happiness will never come from material goods. He could live in a cardboard box and be perfectly happy as long as he had the freedom to live as he chooses and more importantly that he knows everyone else is equally compensated.

I, on the other hand, live my life squeezing out pennies from my salary, negotiating for higher pay, working long hours at two jobs to earn as much income in as little time so I can put it into the stock market and other less risky savings vehicles and have compound interest hopefully work it's magic for the future. It's not that I need a lot of money to be happy... I more so need a lot of money to feel comfortable. Maybe that's the evils of capitalism telling their story.

My boyfriend likes to compare Hitler killing all the Jews to capitalism, because in a capitalist society you have the super rich and then everyone else is poor, and there's very little in between. As a Jew, I kind of take offense to this argument. I don't think it's the same thing at all. In Capitalism, everyone DOES have a chance to succeed. Not everyone will. Some people do have an unfair advantage. But no one is taking masses of people and killing them in gas chambers. The comparison is unexcusable.

But -- I'm not sure where I stand on the whole capitalism thing. If I knew that I could make less money but have stability over the years (a pension, enough to buy a house, live a decent life, take vacations every few years) then maybe I wouldn't be so set in supporting capitalism. The only way I can see living that life is through capitalism now. Even if I'm able to sock away $50k per year after tax for the rest of my life, it will take me 20 years to become a millionaire. I'll be 46. That's not so bad, but that also means that I will need to keep renting an apartment with roommates, will need to keep working two jobs with one of them being for a large corporation that can afford to pay a 6 figure contractor salary, and I'll have to sacrifice much of my life for work.

At least with the stock market there's the chance that those 20 years can be shorter, or that I can save less each year and through compound interest have my million or two million in retirement. I know I won't have a pension. I don't know how much social security will be around by the time I retire. I can't lead a comfortable life unless I know I can save money and have it grow.

Ok, so the biggest argument in the movie that I can say my boyfriend and I agree on is that politicians shouldn't be allowed to be funded by private corporations. That really is just asking for corruption. It doesn't even help the small businesses because the only companies who can afford to have major influence are the ones who are already super rich.

But I don't want to live in a communist society. I like making money. It seems that's the only thing I'm passionate about these days. I don't even like spending money anymore. The more I make, the less I want to spend, because I'm able to start saving thousands of dollars a year. My goal this year is for my networth to go from $50k to $100k. And what's amazing is that it's possible. I'm one of the lucky ones, sure, but I'm still working two jobs. I'm still finding out what my skills are and applying them to roles where I can make a decent wage. I still know that I can lose my job at any second, so I have a sizable emergency fund, and I don't have debts so if I need to cut back on my spending I could feasibly live off $1,000 a month. I wouldn't get to save any more, but I wouldn't be losing money. I wouldn't be evicted.

Maybe I can't understand yet because I don't have a family. I'm sure it's a lot harder with kids. I have so much freedom as a single person to say I can live on $1k a month. But that's why I believe in spending your 20s earning as much as possible and saving as much as possible. Living as cheaply as possible. Work hard now, play later. Hope the stock market doesn't completely crash. That's my motto. Does that make me a capitalist? Eh, I guess so. Will my boyfriend ever understand? I think not.

The Value of Each Second

2010-05-24T02:47:00.000-07:00

I've been making an insane amount of money so far this year. I still owe taxes on my freelance earnings, but I'd guestimate I've taken in about $30k so far.

But I still feel empty. I'm not saying a job is supposed to give me my ultimate fulfillment in life, but I'd like to feel proud of what I do. I work for a very cool company but ultimately I am not a huge fan of the product I'm paid to promote. I'm given very little power to impact the product, so all I can do is work with what exists. And that's not the easiest job. That's why they pay me so much.

Still, I don't know how long I can do this successfully. After less than two months in the role, I feel myself lost for what to do. My contract ends about half way through the year, so my goal is to make it that far. If I can do that, I'll have earned at least the amount I earned for an entire year of work in 2009. Sure, I won't make my $100k Net Worth goal by the end of the year, but I'd be doing ok.

I just want a job that I feel like I can DO a good job at. I like feeling like I've accomplished something, and it's a lot easier to do this with a product that is useful. Ultimately, I think the only way I could ever really be happy in a work environment is if I have a say in the product and get to help make it useful. Not just to market whatever it is.

Ok, so I'm not destined to be a marketer. I've done a good job marketing myself and getting this far. But my introverted and honest nature makes me struggle with any sort of promotion. It's even harder that my role requires me to be "honest" and seem like I'm not promoting a product. Instead, I have to actually like the product and talk about it like I use it all the time. That could be a lot of fun if it were true. The problem is that it's not, and I can't bring myself to flat out lie.

The good news is that I'm strongly leaning towards applying to graduate school for 2011. I see no reason to put it off any longer. I'm still terrified of the debt I'll rack up (my top choice program is $33k a year for two years, not including room & board, yikes! so long savings!) and even more terrified that I'll find out what I want to study isn't right for me either. And it's still hard to justify going to grad school when I could have $100k+ in the bank instead of -/~0.

But everyday I am anxious because I can't do my job well. Because whatever my boss asks me to do, I am unsure how to do it properly. Because I'm not really good at my job. And if I'm going to manage to survive my life, I need a job I can be good at. Really good at. I'm looking forward to the day I figure out what that is.

Which Credit Card Should I Use for Business Expenses?

2010-05-07T00:11:00.000-07:00

Over the years, I've accumulated my fair share of credit cards. I was lured in by cash back programs in the olden days when they were actually giving decent cash back rewards, so I have Chase Freedom and American Express Blue Cash cards. I also have a Chase Amazon card, a Bank of America card (my first credit card), a Macy's card, a Bloomingdales card, and an Express card, oh, and a shiny red Virgin America card that has a lot of miles on it I haven't used yet.

Lately, though, I've faced a new kind of credit card spending that I'm not sure how to approach. I work for a company that requires their employees to pay for all their expenses up front. While for small expenses this isn't a huge deal, I'm talking international trips here. Thousands of dollars. On my credit card bill.

Now, the good thing about this is I can rack up miles fairly quickly, and ultimately I'm not paying for the travel, I'm just paying up front. I am sure I will be reimbursed. It still concerns me that this is on a credit card under my name just in case there is a delay in that. But this is for a large, trustworthy company so I don't foresee this being an issue.

What I'd like to get your advice/opinions on is...

1) Should I put all my travel on one of my cash back cards (like the American Express Blue Cash) so I actually reach the 5% cash back after $6500 spent, even though now it's only for purchases like gas and stuff?

2) Should I open a mileage card on United or Continental, esp now that they're merged? I hate the annual fees for the mileage cards... they just seem so stupid. With the processing fees they charge to book flights now with frequent flier miles, is it even worth it?

3) Should I get a business credit card (like the American Express Gold Business Card?) These cards also have annual fees (even higher than the mileage cards) but they do, at least, keep my business expenses in a separate account. It's just, for the sake of the expenses spending, I don't really own a business. I'm a W2 consultant. Not a contractor. I do have a side business but have yet so spend any money on it, except car mileage. Maybe I would if I get a business credit card. But are the benefits/rewards really worth it? Also, I read that you have less protection on a business card. That scares me. What if it gets stolen when I'm traveling or something? I do like the peace of mind that I have with consumer credit cards while traveling. I'd have those too, but what if a business credit card was lost?

Any other ideas? I'm worried about having too many cards because it will do something to my credit history. I am not sure what, though.

Should I Have Children?

2010-05-01T19:53:00.000-07:00

During my therapy session today, it occurred to me that this question alone is one that, of all the questions and confusions on life I have, is the one that freaks me out the most. I'm not going to have kids tomorrow or the next day, but at 26 I have to face reality that if I am going to have children (I'd like at least 2, at most 3) I should have kids within approximately the next 10 years. That's a lot of time and not much time at all.

10 years ago, I was 16.5. I was a junior in high school, trying to figure out where to go to college, taking the PSATs, and really just starting on my journey of adulthood. It kind of feels like a long time ago. Will 30 or 35 feel that long from now? I hear time speeds up the older you get.

My therapist and I briefly discussed today whether or not I want kids. To be honest, I don't know. She said that people don't have to have children, and you have to really have a physical urge to have kids and a desire to appreciate the joy they'll bring (along with all the sacrifice and stress.) Do I have that urge? Will I ever?

Surely, my life without children might feel a bit meaningless. It already feels meaningless. But it's not good to put that much responsibility on my yet-to-be-conceived offspring -- "bring my life meaning or else." I can't really see myself being a mother. Then again, there are plenty of other people in this world who should not be mothers who are, so why should I be so hard on myself? (Ie -- see WhytheFuckDoYouHaveaKid.com) I'm not THAT bad, right?

I mean, I have my shit together. Sort of. I have $50k in savings/retirement, a job (that isn't stable, but I at least have a career that can lead to more jobs), I'm probably doing a lot better than many people my age who already have children. Why do I feel like I need a million dollars in the bank before I can procreate?

Some days, I think reading all these personal finance blogs and listening to Ray Lucia and tracking my Net Worth hurts me a bit. It just makes me freak out about money. It's important to be responsible with money, to save a certain percentage of your income, etc, etc, but I'm paralyzed by my fear of never having enough. This whole "should I have kids" question goes beyond just having the finances to afford them (heck, am I really the type of person who can be responsible for infants or deal when my teenagers talk back to me?) but the money is a big part of it.

The days I dream of grad school, I have to remind myself how much debt I'll be in at 30, versus the non grad school route where I can possibly reach a networth of $100k or more by 30. If I end up having kids and wanting to stay home with them, why even bother with grad school?

Meanwhile, my boyfriend has barely any savings, no Roth IRA, no retirement accounts, and is planning to go to grad school -- at least for his masters, probably for his PhD. So we'll likely have his debts to deal with. Why bother adding mine? We can't do that if we want to have children. I really need to have kids in my early 30s... I will have to go through in vitro and all that fun due to my PCOS, and having children will probably cost $20k+ a pop. I'm not just making these money concerns up.

What do you think? Do you have children? When did you have your kids? How much did you have in net worth when you had children? Do you think it's silly for me to be this concerned about money before having kids?

Why "Vacation"

2010-04-28T06:34:00.000-07:00

My family took yearly vacations when I was growing up. Usually they would be week-long trips to see family somewhere exciting, like in Los Angeles or Las Vegas. Occasionally we did a non-family-visit vacation like a week in the Bahamas or Disney World (we don't have relatives in Florida.)

When I went to college away from home, and then moved further away from my family home after graduating, most every "vacation" I've taken has been a stress-filled trip back east to visit my parents and relatives. These trips are totally worth it, but I don't consider them "vacations."

Since I've graduated college in 2005, I've taken a few actual vacations. All on the cheap. I did a "free" trip to Israel through Birthright Israel and spent an extra week traveling around staying with distant relatives who often fed me. Last summer I went to Disneyland with my friend for her birthday... we went for one weekend. I did another weekend trip to LA to see a few people. My boyfriend and I have taken the occasional mini road trip halfway down the California coast for... a weekend. We've done two trips to Tahoe... though we haven't skied or done anything vacation-y. His dad lives there so mostly we visited his dad and wandered. I haven't taken any "vacation," vacations, with the exception of the Israel trip. And that was one big timeshare sales pitch for moving to Israel anyway.

A few months ago, a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to go with her on a bootcamp fitness cruise for a week. It sounds awesome... relaxing AND healthy. But I couldn't imagine ever spending THAT MUCH on vacation. It doesn't help matters that now, as a contractor, I don't get paid time off. Right now I'm new at my job so I wouldn't consider taking a vacation any time soon. But even when the time came about when someone with my income should take a week to go somewhere, I can't fathom going.

My coworker loves to travel around the world. I think he does it pretty cheaply, but he's always traveling. He just goes on his own... I'm not independent enough to do that. I'd want my boyfriend to come with me... but given his income, either I'd have to pay for both of us to go on the vacation, or we'd be sticking to our mini weekend trips.

Camping is always an option, and one my boyfriend enjoys, though hasn't done in a while. I like camping, but I don't really see myself enjoying a week doing it. He wants to go to Yosemite for a week. I'd rather lounge by the beach if I had to do a week in nature... and have a shower nearby.

In any case, I wonder if I'll ever vacation again. I just don't really see myself enjoying vacation the way I used to... knowing how much it would cost. Maybe one day when I have kids I could justify the expense, but for me, I don't know how I could reasonably take a week off and go to some exotic resort for a week of pampering and relaxation. How can anyone relax with the price tag?

But then I wonder, do I really ever need to vacation? Sure, I have this deep-seeded longing for luxury. I dream of a day when I'm "rich" and can spend as I please without worrying. But... unless I win the lottery, that day will never come. So I guess I'll be sticking to my mini vacations, and try to enjoy my trips home... because that's all the vacation I'm going to get.

Do you go on vacations? Who do you go on vacation with?

Follow Up to: Tips for Making More Money Long-Term for 20 Somethings

2010-04-27T15:22:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, I wrote a post about how to make more money over your entire life. The trick? Believe you "need" more money than you do now and approach your life's choices based on that need... then save the difference in what you get vs. what you actually need. Always live below your means. Ok, this isn't revolutionary advice, but I got some interesting comments from my readers, and I wanted to respond.

Anonymous #1, from Kentucky, said "I like the idea behind this advice. I also agree to an extent. On the other hand, it's not just career choice that will determine the amount that you make, but geographic location as well. A $120,000 per year job to you is more like $60,000 per year here."

Meanwhile...

Anonymous #2 said "that was the most ridiculous thing I've ever read! ...No offense, but you are still a kid and have a lot to learn. Don’t get me wrong, you are way ahead of most other 20-somethings (not hard to do in this day & age, though!), but be careful about advice you are giving (or taking). Also – you could reach your $100K goal MUCH easier if you moved to a place with a lower cost of living."

While one commenter loved my advice and the other hated it, both had a similar comment on how my choice to live in California makes it more difficult for me to reach my financial goals. I disagree.

I've lived in many different parts of the country through my life, though perhaps never the places where the lifestyle is extremely cheap. But I'm not sure how much a move would save me, unless I moved back home and lived with my parents.

My rent right now is $630. With utilities that adds up to maybe $700 a month. Granted, in Detroit, according to Craigslist ads, I could get similar room in a 3br shared apartment for around $350 a month. I don't know Detroit so can't compare my nice neighborhood to the offerings on CL, but let's just say the rents for a room are half what I'm paying now.

Everyone seems to think living in California is impossibly expensive. It's not. It IS expensive if you want to buy a house here. Gas is a little higher than in the rest of the country. State tax is higher than some other states. Ok, it's not the cheapest place to live. But there are also a lot of opportunities for work here, especially in the areas where it costs more to live. So salaries do, to an extent, compensate for the difference. As my first commenter said, $60k in Tennessee is maybe equal to $120k in California. I'm not sure I agree with that math, but there's obviously some truth in it. I COULD move to a cheaper place, make less money, spend less on rent, and save the same amount. But I would have a very hard time finding a job in my industry outside of this area. If you're in an industry you can work in anywhere, then by all means, live somewhere more affordable. That doesn't change my argument that you should always think you need more money than you do, and that this thinking will help you earn more in the long run.

Now, commenter #2, who has worked as a hiring manager, made a good point. He/she said that once a candidate for a job refused to take the job unless given $5k more than the offer. Eventually, the company hired someone else. OK, I never said "be stupid." If you really want a job, are unemployed, and have no other options (if you "walk" will you be unemployed for another six months? Or are there other opportunities on the table) then take the job. My logic still works, though. If you think you need $x more per year, then you might get a side job, or seek out freelance income to meet your goals. You don't NEED to make the extra money through your day job. It doesn't hurt to push a little in negotiating but always be realistic. I took a big risk during my negotiations for my current job and it paid off. I was really nervous that it wouldn't, and I got lucky. I also knew that I was by far the top candidate for the role and my company really wanted to hire me. I also did not get what I asked for, but I quickly accepted a realistic offer that was still much higher than I was making at my previous job.

In comparison, I look at friends of mine in their 20s who are living at home or living in cheap apartments and thinking that they only need to make enough to cover life month to month. The fact is that your future salary is largely determined by what you make before it (not always, but having a strong salary history helps.) If you spend your 20s making a smaller income because you do not see a reason to strive for more earnings, then you will be at a disadvantage in your 30s. Again, I'm not saying this works for every field... some fields have set salaries. You can still make extra money. If you're fortunate enough to not be in debt in your 20s, take advantage of this and save as much as you can. The best way to save more is to make more. That's the math I believe in.

Commenter #2 also asked "Do you have a net worth goal you are aiming for by the time you are 30? Don't you think NET WORTH is a better goal than just "savings?" I keep track of mine yearly. I just looked back to what it was when I was 30. I did NOT have $100K in the bank then, but the net worth was $170K."

I am not sure what factors into Net Worth to be honest. Right now I'd say my "Net Worth" is my bank account... that is, the combination of my savings, Roth IRA, stocks, CDs, and other investment accounts. I don't own a home (again, that's one of the things that is too expensive for me, living in California) but I own a used car (it's worth maybe $2k, but I don't bother including that in my networth because I'll use it until it stops working) and a few other gadgets and things that I don't count.

So, commenter #2, what was that extra $70k including for your net worth at 30? Did that include a house? That makes complete sense, especially since you have a family. Since I'm single and could move to a job in another city at any moment, it doesn't make sense for me to own. So my whole Net Worth IS my bank accounts.

Thanks for all your thoughtful comments!

Graduate School: Still an Option, But is it Worth It?

2010-04-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

I'm not an academic. Since I was young, I couldn't focus in class, I rarely completed my homework, and while I supposedly had a lot of potential and was at once point dubbed "gifted" by the public school system, academia was never my forte.

So why, now that I've earned a college degree and made a career for myself, still long to return to the Ivy Tower? And what would I return for?

I'm still torn between options, including whether to apply at all. On a pure rational front, I'd be best off getting an MBA if I could manage to score high on the GMATs. At this point I think my experience has a shot at canceling out my less-than-exceptional undergraduate transcripts, but the GMAT would be a toughie.

But does an MBA even make sense for me? I've worked with many people who have MBAs, and many who don't. I've been managed by MBAs and I've been managed by engineers-turned-marketers and artists-turned-non-profit-owners-turned-business-women. I've been managed by people who get it and people who don't, people who succeed by pure luck and others by pure talent, and others who fail for all the wrong reasons. So why get an MBA?

Partially, I want to do it for myself to prove I can. It would look great on my resume (if I go to a top 10 school which, again, is not exactly an easy feat given my overall credentials.) I'd spend two years focused on learning about business -- and maybe I'd even learn something practical to apply in the real world. Mostly, I'd feel more confident in my experience as a marketer with an MBA under my belt. I don't need one, but to really move up the ladder I either need to start my own company or get an advanced degree. Or have friends in high places.

The other option, still, is to go to graduate school for interaction design. I'd enjoy this more, but I worry it's too focused in an area that has limited value if you don't know how to program well. I could learn a bit of programming on my own or in school, but I'll never be the programmer who moved into design. I'll also never be the programmer who moved into business management. It seems I'm already in trouble, not being a programmer and all.

I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I need to make a decision on this. I'm 26 now, and I'm not getting any younger. I've had a solid 5 years of work experience in non-profit, start-up, and large international corporate environments. I'm still not sure where I fit into the work world. I feel awkward in marketing, as I'm not super creative, nor am I brilliant with numbers, and I'm also shy in a field run by the outgoing. Most of all, I dislike "marketing" as a field where you must produce lies to sell a product that isn't as good as it could be, if the business was managed better and the consumers were actually listened to. Which leads me to thinking I really ought to run my own company. And I don't really need an MBA for that. I need an MBA if I want to be middle management. And I don't see myself as middle management. I know middle managers. They are great people, but a different breed of people. They are willing to do whatever it takes to reach their business targets. That's what capitalism is all about. A little lie, here and there. Make everyone want what you're selling, no matter how much it's "worth."

Is that where an MBA would lead me? I don't know if I have the stamina to lead, though I know in the long run I'll never have the heart to follow.

What do you think I should do?

The Long Term Trick to Earning More Money in Your 20s and Beyond

2010-04-24T16:51:00.000-07:00

Let me preface this by saying that I am very aware the amount of money you make is largely determined by the field you're in. If you have your heart set on saving the whales for a living, you may never make as much as someone working in marketing for a national firm. But that doesn't have to limit you to the paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle.

In five years since graduating college, I've managed to go from a $35k/year job to a $120k/year job. Do I deserve this income more than anyone else making less than me? No. Will this income remain stable for the year's to come? I haven't the faintest.

But -- one thing I've learned is that, while it's easy to accept scraping by in your 20s, you should live like you need more money TODAY so you can save for later. When you interview for jobs, they can't ask if you have children... or an expensive mortgage... or debt that you need to repay. If you're in your 20s and single with little or no debt, you may tell yourself "I'm doing fine on $35k" and then you wonder why you are having trouble saving any money for retirement or anything else. Live like you need $20-$30k more a year to get by, and pursue your salary - not your lifestyle - based on this white lie. It will give you that extra motivation to negotiate for $5k more a year, or $10k more a year... which adds up over the long term.

The trick to earning more money long term is setting savings goals for yourself. You may not always hit them, but having a number (even one that seems impossible to reach) in one's mind shifts the way you go about living. When you're looking for a job, you're willing to negotiate for the extra pay because it's one of the only ways you may ever reach your goal.

I read that you should have as much in savings when you're 30 that you would like to have per year when you retire. My goal is to have $100k in savings by the time I am 30. At my last salary rate, this was looking quite unlikely. I have 3.5 years until 30, and I'm only at $55k in savings right now.

When I got laid off at my last job, I applied for a lot of different positions, all which had varying salary ranges. Some paid really crappy. I knew I needed something, and I knew I could get by on the crappy pay. But I wouldn't hit my goal of having $100k in the bank by the time I'm 30. So that fueled my job search in a different way.

The other day I was talking to my boyfriend. He thinks I'm "rich." He has an $18/hour part time job and hasn't tried to get anything better. He has no benefits. (Well, neither do I, but I can afford them on $120k and still save.) He told me about his friends who are trying desperately to find a $30k a year job. While I'm by no means arguing that you shouldn't take a $30k per year job if you find something that you'd love or it really is the only option, by realizing you are worth more (or at least telling yourself you can convince someone to pay you more... and that you are going to save the money) probably increases your long term earnings.

Let me put it this way... I could easily be still making $50k or less, and I'd probably be just as happy NOW. But, later, I wouldn't have much in savings, and I'd be really upset that I missed out on the opportunity in my 20s to put a lot of money into savings and let compound interest work its magic.

If you can't make more money at your current job or in your field, get a second job, but just live as if you "need" more money to survive BEFORE you actually do. I'm freelancing on the side of my full time job because I know now is the best time to earn income. Later when I have a family I won't want to sacrifice the extra hours of living to be at the computer... but now, there's lots of time to earn money and then save that money for the future.

Returned $250 Worth of Clothes

2010-04-11T14:15:00.000-07:00

A long time ago in a far off land I loved trips to the mall. While not everything looked great on my curves, for the most part outfits fit. And as a student I could get away with wearing funky looks, including low-cost versions of trends.

These days, I'm having trouble finding the right look for work. Over the past few weeks I've done a lot of shopping, and despite spending a lot, not much buying.

Old me would have kept items I bought hoping to be inspired to wear them one day, even though in the back of my mind I knew I never would. But from now on I'm not letting any money go to waste, especially on expensive clothes that I just don't love.

So I returned the $130 pair of patent leather shoes to Ann Taylor that were too big and had a high heel that I'd never wear. The other day I found a pair of low-heel shoes by Nine West that were $78 and have worn them every day since. The Ann Taylor shoes are back at the store and the money is back in my bank account.

I also returned a blue cotton Theory dress to Bloomingdales that cost me $140. I don't love the dress. My boyfriend says it makes me look bigger than I am, which was enough to inspire the return. So that's back to the store as well.

Even with returning those items, I've purchased a few things I am keeping:

2 pairs of machine washable work pants from Nordstrom petites, $78 each.
4 button down short-sleeve shirts from Express, about $20 each.
1 Calvin Klein black jacket, $99.
1 pair of black shoes from Nine West, $78.
1 black turtleneck by Theory, $80
1 gray sweater jacket by Theory, $140
1 pair of Ann Taylor black pants, $100
1 blue dress t-shirt for work at Ann Taylor, $40
1 skirt on sale at Express, $20

So I've spent a lot on work clothes, but I feel better now that I've returned the two items that I'll never wear. Right now I'm looking for a few items that I need, and then my work wardrobe will be complete..

- 1 brown or blue jacket (for brown pant days)
- pair of brown shoes (or shoes that match brown pants)
- 3 button down long sleeve shirts that are machine washable and actually fit me

I've been looking at all the stores but have had no luck with these items. Oh well, nothing wrong with waiting until next month to make more purchases. I haven't even gotten my first paycheck yet!

Early Retirement, What it Means to Me

2010-04-11T10:38:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about the concept of early retirement. From reading blogs like Early Retirement Extreme and Free at 45 I've begun thinking about the true meaning of life. Not from an existential standpoint, which I've already thought about long and hard, but from a view of what every waking moment of my day is worth from now until my death.

My parents and their friends are getting old now. By old, I mean they're in their late 50's and they are really starting to look old. My dad is dying of cancer so he looks even older. When I was a kid, I thought, well, I want to live forever. I never wanted to be young forever. I guess your late 20s is when that thought pops into your head. I don't really want to be "young" forever. I feel like one's 30s are the perfect mix of being young and old. And the 40s aren't bad either. But once you hit 50 your body does start to seriously age. You can definitely work hard at keeping up your body through physical exercise, eating right, etc, but the years take their toll on every body.

When I think about early retirement, I don't have a dream of retiring to some desolate island and relaxing on a beach. I dream of working hard but doing what I want, when I want. I want to get to a point where working freelance or part-time on my own hours won't kill my bank account, where my savings are large enough that the long-term stock market gains will provide a substantial portion of my income.

So over the next few weeks, I'm going to work on calculating exactly what all this means from a financial standpoint. What year could I "retire" from 9-5? How much do I need to earn now and in upcoming years to obtain this goal? How much do I need to save? And when exactly can I retire "early?"

My current plan is to try to save $6,000 per month while I'm fortunate enough to have a job that pays well and low living costs. I'm not sure if this is maintainable over the long term. I'll update in the near future with some further calculations to determine how much I will need to save each month to meet my early "retirement" goals.

Car Damage Pictures

2010-04-08T22:36:00.000-07:00

The Damage:

The evil pipe that caused the damage:

Need Advice: Car "Collision," Deductibles, Insurance

2010-04-08T19:56:00.000-07:00

My car luck is really not doing so great lately. It's a long story, which I'll tell below, but the main question I have is -- should I go through insurance to get the damages fixed, should I even both getting the damages fixed, and is it too late to decide not to go through insurance?

Here's the story.

My first day of work I left my car at the public transportation garage. Returned to my car, the back window was smashed (it's a small window that doesn't open because it's a 2 door) and the passenger seat door was busted.

Called insurance to file a claim about the break in. Nothing was stolen but would need to get window fixed and car seat fixed if possible. Have $0 deductible for comprehensive so figured it was worth it.

Fast forward a week. To today. I'm driving out of a parking lot making a right-hand turn. I don't see anything to my right so I start to turn very slowly. I hear some scraping noise so I immediate stop my car and back up slowly. My passenger side mirror looks fine, it's not hitting anything, so I figure I will back up and then examine the damage...

Instead -- "BOOM" -- my large passenger side window shatters. A louder scraping noise is heard. I stop the car, get out, and see that a pipe has cut a huge gash into the door and basically made the door a wall (the handle doesn't work / it won't open) and glass is everywhere.

I look at the window in shock, then drive back into the parking lot and promptly call my insurance. Which was maybe a really bad idea. I told them exactly what happened... then they told me that this would be a collision claim and I have a $1,000 collision deductible. I've never filed a collision claim and I know I pay a lot in comprehensive so that if damage happens to my car that isn't an accident I'm covered. I've had a few break-ins in the past and they've all been covered at 100%. Even hitting a deer and the damage from that was covered entirely. This, however, would have a $1000 deductible.

So I stopped and said, well, I think the front window had a crack in it from the break in. Ok, so it was a stretch. But I figured at that point it was worth trying to get this covered under my comprehensive policy. Even if they would just fix the windows for me under the comprehensive and I could leave the car door as is. The woman on the other line said that she'd add a note about this to the other claim. I am not clear if she opened a collision claim but it sounds like she maybe just tacked on the report to the comprehensive claim. I'm supposed to get an appraisal tomorrow from a place my insurance company referred me to.

Now the questions I have are...

1) Does it make sense to get my car fixed at all through insurance?

2) Should I just get the break-in damage repaired and not get anything repaired through insurance that was caused by this pipe?

3) Should I get everything appraised and wait to hear if they will cover it all under comprehensive (they won't... not with the giant gash in my car door) and then figure out what to do?

4) Should I just say f'it and buy a new (used) car? I bought my car in 2005 with 130k miles on it for $7k. It's the first car I ever owned so it has its share of new-driver dings on it, not counting today's giant gash. It now has 170k miles on it so I can't imagine it will last that much longer. It's a Toyota so maybe it will last to 200k, so I could see it lasting another 3-4 years if I'm lucky, or longer if I don't drive it that much. Blue book trade-in value for the car in "Fair" condition is something like $1500. I am not sure what condition the car is in right now... looks-wise I'd say it's in pretty "poor" condition but the insides are doing fine. It's definitely not driving quite as smoothly as it did when I first got it in 2005, but it is a nicer drive than some other cars I've been in. Would it make sense to donate my car to charity (or trade it in at a toyota dealership for the pennies they are willing to pay me) and move on with my life? Ignore all the claim filing and just start fresh?

5) Should I get rid of the car (charity or trade-in) and not have a car at all? In reality, this doesn't make sense right now because I live in the 'burbs on top of a giant hill and it's pretty impossible to get around without a car. I'm sure it's do-able, but it would be very difficult. And my commute to work with a car is already 1 hour.

6) But... should I get rid of my car and move to the city? I really like my current apartment... it's cheap ($700 a month with utilities about), in a really beautiful area, my roommates are mellow and we get along fairly well, my room, while small, faces greenery and all-in-all my place makes me happy. It feels like a home. Any place I get in the city will be more money, or smaller, or in a worse neighborhood, or all of the above. I could just move closer to a train stop so I could walk to the train... which provides a lot more options... but that still requires moving, and finding a place I like, and finding roommates I can get along with, or living alone, which I've decided I don't really like doing, and costs a lot on the utilities front. But if I move some place near public transit I could get rid of my car and just not have to deal with the hassle of owning one.

7) Or should I just go to a car shop and get everything fixed myself, even if it costs a lot, and just eat the costs of getting the fixes done without going through insurance? -- Is it too late to do that ... I already reported the claim... but I'm not sure they filed anything under collision yet, or at what point they will in this process. If I don't decide to get the car fixed, will they still file the claim as collision if it gets appraised and the repair shop reports that the damage was caused by a collision (probably) -- I can't exactly ask the insurance company how this will work.

What do you all think? I really need advice here. Thanks!

Update on 2010 Goals

2010-04-06T01:28:00.000-07:00

26 Aspirations and Goals for 2010 (from December)

1. Save 20% of my income for retirement

Update: I should be able to save more than 20% of my income this year if I can maintain my current job. At the beginning of this year I was making $60k per year. Then I was laid off. Now I'm making $100k per year. While I won't make the full $100k this year (I had a few months of unemployment already), I should do ok in 2010. I'm revising my goal to save 30% of my income for retirement which includes maxing out my non-matched 401k and traditional IRA or Roth if my income qualifies. $16,500 in the 401k and $5,000 in the IRA... $22,500 total into retirement savings. But $22.5k is 30% of $75k. Should I save the rest of the 30% elsewhere for "retirement?" Really, that would mean saving in a taxable account until next year roles around and then putting that money towards retirement, especially if my income level tappers off in the coming years. I think this year is going to be unusually good for me, and I may not match this level again for a long time, if ever.

2. Save 10% of my income for other upcoming expenses

Updated goal: I'd like to save 25% or more of my income for upcoming expenses. I'm not sure where I'm going to save this money yet.

3. Increase my net worth to $60,000

Updated goal: increase my net worth to $100k

4. Study (a lot) for graduate school tests

fail. It's so hard to think about grad school when I have a great job. But eventually I will want to seek out higher education. I don't want to wait that long because I do want to have a family in the next 10 years.

5. Take the GMAT (and poss retake the GRE)

Well, I haven't studied yet, so I haven't set up dates to take either of these tests yet. Not sure I will in 2010 to be honest.

6. Apply to grad school(s) in fall 2010

I kind of feel like I should apply for fall 2010 but a lot depends how my current job goes.

7. Stop drinking alcohol (except on my birthday)

Well... I haven't been drinking a lot of alcohol, but I have had a few drinks here and there. Working a high-paced job makes having a drink at the end of the day all the more rewarding and relaxing.

8. Go to the gym 3 times a week

Major fail on this one so far. I don't know when I could go to the gym. I'm so busy. I'd like to go in the morning, but I just can't motivate myself to get to the gym at 6am (with all the hardcore workout folks in the morning) so I could get in a workout before catching my train. At night, I just don't have the energy. It would be best if I could take an hour or two mid-day and go to the gym, but I'm not sure that would be possible. And it also extends my work-day by one to two hours. I'd rather leave earlier and come home and relax. But I do need to work out, I'm not getting any younger and my body feels it.

9. Earn $10k in freelance income ($833 / month)

It looks like I will reach this goal. In addition to my main job I'm working on a freelance project that pays $2800 / month. It may not last all year, but 3 months of the project is $8400, and that makes me a lot closer to reaching my (previously seemingly unreachable) goal.

10. Eat 1300 calories per day

I have no idea how many calories I'm eating but I'm sure it's more than 1300.

11. Drink 8 glasses of water per day

Unless you count the water in the beverages I get from the coffee machine at work, I'm not getting close to this goal.

12. Come up with sweet, non expensive things to do to make my boyfriend happy and do them

Hmm. I haven't really come up with anything specific that is non expensive. I told him I'd buy him a bike after I get a full month's paycheck at my new job. That's not cheap. But it's not that expensive given I didn't really get him anything for his birthday this year and we then can both go biking together on the weekends, so we won't have to pay for other things to entertain ourselves. And it will be healthy for us to go biking.

13. Go to 1 networking event per month and get up the courage to talk to people (which is going to be really hard since I'm giving up alcohol)

I haven't really done this but maybe in the summer I will start going to more networking events.

14. Keep my room organized (easier said than done, hello ADD)

Well... it's not that bad right now.

15. Write max 20 posts per month for blogging gig ($500 / month)

I hit the 20 posts last month. But now I'm cutting back on the blogging, I might quit the gig because of conflict of interest. Which is kind of a bummer, but it also is too tough to write blog posts in the morning now that I have to leave for work so early.

16. Start a saving fund for basic expenses for the second half of next year when I'll likely be out of a job.

Funny... I've been there, done that, and employed again. I didn't save enough to cover all my expenses really... I had to dip into my actual savings... but I was only unemployed for two months. Even without figuring out how to actually get paid unemployment, I managed ok.

17. Write hand written letters to the people in my life who I've lost contact with (sans Facebook status updates). I don't really like many people, but it saddens me that I've lost contact with the few people in this world who I really admire and consider friends.

Ok, I have not done this at all. I did hand write a parking ticket payment earlier today. Does that count?

18. Take an antidepressant for a year and see if it actually helps my mood swings over time.

I took lithium for about 2 months and it made me feel really weird. Got kicked out of the study where I was getting the meds for free. So today I'm not on any drugs. I don't feel like I need them right now, but maybe I do. I'm definitely feeling a bit more stable than I was a few months ago, but I'm just on a ramp up of novelty again.

19. Go to group therapy when possible and give what it takes to get the most out of it possible.

I went to a few months of group therapy and would like to go back. It was actually really helpful for understanding how to interact with people.

20. Make an effort to spend one day a month with each of my few friends.

I'm seeing people more often now that I work in the city. So I think I'm reaching this goal.

21. Invite my roommates to do something fun outside the house and try to build my relationship with them (I am really bad at socializing with my roommates, I like them but when I come home I usually just want to hide in my room. They are so close to each other it's sometimes awkward for me to be there.)

Have not done this yet, unless you count a trip to Costco.

22. Read at least 4 fiction books and 4 personal finance / economics books and 4 books on interaction design

Hmm... I read a few chapters of one book so far. With my commute, I really should read more. I wonder if I'd read more if I had a Kindle...

23. Start saving for a car replacement

Oh, right, that's where my additional savings should go this year. My car has 170k miles on it. I am not sure how much longer it will last.

24. Put my all into work, even though sometimes I don't know how to. Be positive at work and supportive of the chaotic environment that is life at a startup. Try to bring a smile to the table always.

Well, I'm no longer working at a startup. Still, I need to remind myself to do this in any job I do. Any job is somewhat chaotic (unless you're doing routine admin, and then it's just boring.) I just need to remember to embrace the chaos and thrive on it.

25. Work on being a better listener and communicator. Learn from career counselor how to do that.

While I still have a lot to learn on the listening and communicating fronts, I have improved a lot and matured since my early 20s. I'm being very careful in how I communicate to people at the office and attempting to stay on everyone's good side.

26. Try to take one day at a time and be happy for all I have and all the opportunities that are to come.

Minus the brief depression of being unemployed, I've done this pretty well. Right now I have to take everything one day at a time because there is a lot to do and I don't have the time to really think ahead to the future.

So... that's my quarterly update on my 2010 goals. For some, I'm doing really well. Others... like my health goals... are suffering a bit. There's still plenty left of 2010, maybe I can manage to meet my 26 goals before the halfway point of the year.

Should I Rent Forever?

2010-04-04T21:01:00.000-07:00

I've been fairly happy renting thus far in my life. At 26 years old, I've never really contemplated owning my own place until now. My rental costs have varied greatly over the years...

2004-2005: Chicago, 2br apartment shared w/ 3 people in a nice area. I lived in the living room w/ a curtain for a door for $460 a month. I think some utilities were included in that too.

2005: lived in DC, where I rented a room with a semi-private bath for $800 / month. Utilities were included. Then I moved to California, where my first place was "free" but it was really part of my internship stipend. Soon after I moved again... to a 4br, 2ba apartment shared with 3 other girls (and their friends on occasion) for $480 / month. When I got a full-time job, I decided I deserved my own place, even though I was making about $35k per year. So I found a studio with utilities included for $900 / month. In a year, the rent for that studio went up to $1100 / month. Even though I knew this was a lot, I didn't want to deal with moving and I liked where I lived. So I stayed one year. Then they raised the rent to $1350 / month and I decided to leave the apartment complex and look for a more affordable, room-share situation. I found a place in a nice condo complex for rent with a smaller personal living area but a nicer all-around apartment for $635 / month plus utilities split between myself and two other girls.

The problem is that now I live far from my job so the cost of the monthly commute is about $230 / month for parking at the public transit station plus the train, and that's not including the gas it costs me to get to and from the train. So... you could say now I'm spending $300 / month on transportation, or $1000 / month on "rent" including transportation and utilities. So I ask myself... should I move? If I do move, how much should I pay for a place? While my roommates and I aren't best friends, we get along fairly well, and I've gone through my share of roomie nightmares in the past, so I'm not in the mood to get into any of that mess while just getting into the jive of things at my new job. Still, the cost of the commute plus the actual commute (about 1 hour 15 minutes each way) will eventually get to me. I could even find a place that costs the same or cheaper slightly closer to work... maybe 30 minutes closer... because there are some areas that are not as nice as where I live now that are on the way towards the public transportation stations. I really should be living there. But I just don't want to deal with moving.

Then, the idea always pops in my mind... what about buying a home? Well, that's really not possible right now... the average costs of a 1br condo here are like $600,000. Given that I only have $50k in savings at the moment... it will take me a long time before I could even afford a down payment on that. And the more I think about it, the more I realize owning a home... at least in this area... may never make any sense. It's just too expensive. I look at how much my parents still pay for their house after all these years in mortgage and property taxes and homeowners insurance and think, wow, I should really just rent forever.

Of course, when I have kids one day, I guess it would be nice to own a home. I liked growing up in one place all my life... I think it would have been really tough to move around a lot, being as shy as I was. Then again, lots of families move a lot and they do just fine. And you don't have to move all the time in a rental, you just never know when your landlord will decide they need you to leave. I guess that on its own is enough reason to consider owning. But really, how can anyone afford home ownership here? This year I've hit six figures... I may even make $150k this year, and that isn't near enough for me to own a condo or a home in this area. I think I'd have to be making something like $300k / year before I could even really consider owning.

Do you own a home? Do you rent? What's your monthly cost for owning or renting? Why do you own... or rent?

Shopping Update

2010-03-29T06:30:00.000-07:00

Spent $450 at Ann Taylor yesterday after 4 hours trying on just about everything in the store. Why must every single top have some weird ruffle on it this season? Not only do they look ridiculous, in the rare cases they didn't, I just thought what that poor ruffle would look like after being through the wash once or twice. Or even hand wash. I don't like to do dry clean only for my tops.

Showed my boyfriend my $350 worth of Theory purchases and while he liked my sweater jacket thing, he disliked the dress (I don't really like it either) so that's going back to the store. $150 return. Cha ching. As for the Ann Taylor stuff, I got a grey pencil skirt that fit nice (but may wrinkle too much... why must things wrinkle?), a pair of size 12 petite black pants that are a little bit too big (the 10s looked like i was going clubbing the way they hugged my ass, so I opted for the larger size), a kind of pretty navy blue shirt with short sleeves, and a pair of patent leather shoes that don't fit at all... they are going back to the store too. So my $450 trip will be a $300 trip and my $350 trip will be a $150 trip once I make all my returns.

I'm forcing my boyfriend to come shopping with me tonight. I don't agree with his taste in everything, but he did help me go through some of my clothes in my closet last night, and we discovered that while I own a lot of "slutty" clothes as he likes to call them (I call them thin-strapped tank tops, not work appropriate) I don't have much when it comes to work wear. I'm throwing something together for today that I'm not 100% happy with. Really, the most important thing I need to get are shoes. I own one pair of shoes that will work for today but they're so worn out on the heal that they make me walk crooked. They were great while they lasted.

Her Makeover Attempt: Clothes for Work

2010-03-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

This weekend, I have frantically been scouring department store after department store (and smaller shops) to find the perfect outfits for my first week at work. While back in my high school days I'd have trouble narrowing down my piles of "loves" on shopping trips, these days I can't find things I even remotely like. Partially, as my body ages I've developed curves in places clothing designers are terrified of admitting existence, so few things I try on even fit. Then, there's the question of - what does a 26 year old wear when trying to dress older and more professional but not too old or too professional to a job that interfaces with many different types of people... in an informal left coast city?

The other thing is, I really don't want to spend my entire paycheck on a new wardrobe before it's even deposited in my banking account. I will if I have to, but that seems really silly. I do have expensive tastes, but in the past my purchases were more often sale rack than full retail, even in nicer stores. But in this role I really feel like I need to look expensive. Does this mean my clothes need to be?

Some days, I wish I was a guy. Men have it so easy. Wear a pair of slacks, a button-down shirt, slick your hair, wear nice shoes, and you're done. Being a women... there are way too many variables for the professional world. What hair style do I wear? Up or down? Should I wear a skirt, pants, or a dress? Long sleeves or short sleeves? Or a jacket over a tank? Can I take the jacket off at work if I get hot? What shoes do I wear? Closed toe? Peep toe? Should I wear heels or can I get away with flats? Yikes.

Yesterday, I spent the morning shopping at Bloomingdales because they are having a 20% off sale and I also had a $25 off coupon expiring in April. Figured it was worth a look. The whole shopping experience there infuriated me. First off, finding my size... or anything close to my size... in items I liked was fairly impossible, with the exception of when items were "small, medium, large" -- I'm somewhere between a 10 and a 14 depending how the designer cuts the clothes. Petite only in my inseam but everything else is, well, average to large. 31" waist last time I measured. Probably bigger than that now. I have big hips, a protruding behind, and thighs that don't look like they belong on legs with a 27.5" inseam. Thanks mom.

Even when I found a few things I liked that seemed to fit I had to stop and ask myself -- does this make me look too young? Can I be taken seriously in this? There is one skirt there by Marc Jacobs that I've been eying for months and I was surprised they still have it. It's a $200 a-line black skirt in a thick fabric that just feels really nice on. Size medium was a little too tight, but I almost bought it because I have a habit of buying black skirts knowing I'll wear them. Then I looked at the skirt again. It was flattering, covering my belly bulge with the exception of where it was slightly cutting into my stomach (must exercise), but it just didn't make me look older. In fact, the whole outfit made me look younger. I tried the skirt on with the sleeveless shirt and sweater they were showing it with on the rack. The shirt, which looked like something I'd wear when I was 5, was a sleeveless with hearts on it and these gaudy gold buttons. The sweater was grey and preppy but oversized, and only available in a large or extra small. I grabbed the large and headed into the dressing room to try out the look. And, yes, I looked like I was 5.

Who wears this stuff, I constantly asked myself browsing all the expensive options by designer labels... half of the collections at the store look like they're designed for people in high school or maybe college, and the other half (ralph lauren, eileen fischer, etc) look to be designed for women in their 40s. What do professional 20/30 year old women wear?

I've always found myself drawn to certain brands which seem to come close to what I'm looking for. Theory, one of my favorite brands in terms of style, had a few options. But at $200-$300 an item, I stop to wonder, can't I find this style some place cheaper? Do I need to spend $250 on a pair of pants to earn the respect of my colleagues and move up the corporate business chain? And even if I do, is Theory the right brand to get me there? Surely, it's a better option than anything offered by Marc Jacobs (really - WHO WEARS THIS STUFF?) but with each outfit costing $700-$1000, it's tough to splurge without it being perfect. And nothing was perfect.

I found a nice grey half-sleeve sweater that I instantly knew would become a classic in my closet, so I felt that was worth the $200 price tag. There was a blue sleeveless cotton dress with ruffles on the neck which I could see looking nice under the grey sweater if I had a brown leather belt to tie it all together. So I bought that, the sweater, and a t-shirt length black turtleneck, all by Theory. Total cost after discount: $355. And really, I don't have much of an outfit there. I still need shoes and a belt and handbag to make the dress/sweater look complete. The $75 black turtleneck feels like heaven and will be worn, but I'm not sure what bottoms to put it with.

So today I'm still looking for what to wear tomorrow. I really want to look like a million bucks without spending anything near that much money. But how? Sure, I could buy a suit at Macys for $99, but a suit really isn't right for this environment. It's too formal, especially for my role. Funny how it costs much more to do business casual than true-blue business. At least for women. I could definitely find a nice suit outfit for under $200 on sale. But to really look slick, slightly trendy but also professional, that's where the money starts to become an issue.

The other thing I realized is... I don't have much of a life outside of work. I mean, maybe all the clothes they sell at Bloomingdales are for women who dress up to go out at night and on the weekends. But I don't go anywhere. On occasion my boyfriend and I go to dinner but I don't really need to buy new outfits for that. I have plenty of dresses and things that work for my non-professional life. I have no reason to spend $1000 on an outfit that I wouldn't be wearing to work. So I never would. I like to spend my money on nice clothes for the office because I'd end up wearing them most of my life. And it's the only opportunity I have to dress up and look nice in my life. Even with my potential $100k salary, I live a $40k life. And I'm ok with that. I just like to dress up sometimes and where else am I going to do it other than the office?

Honesty is a Good Thing...

2010-03-26T09:44:00.001-07:00

I was checking my bank account this week when I noticed a good chunk of extra income from my last employer. While it was tempting to not notify them about this accidental bonus, I knew it was the right thing to do. Besides, they'd probably figure it out eventually and then it would be a bigger mess than it's worth. I admit, I was hoping they'd tell me to just keep it and thanks for being honest (it's not like I asked for the extra funds, they just appeared in my account, heh) but I figured they'd want their money back. And rightly so. Oh well, I was kind of excited to think maybe somehow my severance hadn't been paid in full and I was owed more money, but my bank account will say so-long to the extra half-month's income. Luckily I'm doing fine this month, even without my unemployment checks (I have not figured out how to get my unemployment checks so I've kind of given up at that since I have a new job starting Mon and figure California needs the money more than I do right about now.)

Image Makeover for Corporate Success: Part 1 - New Hair?

2010-03-25T09:41:00.000-07:00

Until recently, my hair has always been on the short side. As a child, my mom loved to approve of the bowl cut, and eventually let me have hair a few inches past my shoulders. I was convinced my hair just wouldn't grow longer than that, but in reality it was my hair dresser who refused to let it grow any further.

So I grew up with a complex about my hair, among other things, always admiring the other girls who had long, beautiful hair when mine would just not grow. As an adult, after chopping off my hair to chin-to-shoulder length for the ease of it during college and for a show I was in shortly after, I let my hair grow. I've had a few trims here and there, but basically I've been all about the long hair style. My boyfriend loves long hair on me, and even though I never know what to do with it, I admit it's the more flattering for my round ball head than most other looks.

But with my new job and my dedication to creating a professional image for myself, I'm torn. Do I cut my hair off and look corporate slick, or keep the hair long the way I (and my boyfriend) like it and just wear a bun or something when I'm at the office. It's not like I work in New York, and business casual around here is a little looser to define than in some other environments. However, if I'm going to be doing any world travel, the culture quickly changes, and I want to look like I mean business.

It's kind of amazing how many powerful women have short haircuts. Just look at the list of Forbes 100 Most Powerful Women of 2009 and you'll see what I mean. Granted, most of them are in their 40s and 50s when a short hair style makes more sense, but most of them have short, really manly hair styles. It doesn't even look that good, but I guess it makes them less sexually desirable by men, so they could be taken seriously. It makes me sad to think that might be true, but why else would all these high-power women want a crop top? Just to limit prep time? I'm not so sure.

In addition to figuring out what hair style to get (likely I'll just go for the trim this time around), I need to figure out how often to get my hair cut. Up until now I've lived by the two cuts a year rule. I think it's silly to spend money getting any more hair cuts, really. I feel like it's a huge conspiracy by the hair dressers who want you to pay them more often. That said, my hair probably could use to be cut more often than twice a year. And with this image makeover I'm doing for myself, getting a trim every 8 weeks won't kill my budget, and may help a lot with my overall presentation.

What do you think? How often do you get your hair cut? What style do you wear and is it appropriate for your job?

Trying to Get My Parents to Budget is Like...

2010-03-25T07:21:00.001-07:00

What would be the correct metaphor here? I don't even know. My parents are way worse than I am when it comes to finances and both of them are in massive denial over their spending problems. It doesn't help that my dad likes to blame my mom for everything and sees no fault in his own actions. Ever. Trying to get them to agree on a serious budget is like... impossible.

Towards the end of 2008, I made my mom sign up for a Mint.com account so I could see exactly what they were both spending all the money on. My father would never let me spend time on his Quickbooks, where he says he carefully tracks all the finances. When I visited home recently, I sat down with my mom to review their 2009 spending. What I saw didn't shock me, but it scared me a little.

They spend $13k a month, on average, not counting my sister's tuition, which they pay in full as well. Neither of them are working. My dad receives a sizable pension and disability right now, but not enough to support that kind of spending. This year, he told my mother that they should be spending $6-$7k per month at most. The 401k will be available next year, so he keeps saying "once we get the 401k we will be fine. We just cannot spend a lot this year." I'll talk about the 401k issues later. But for now, simply, my parents need to spend no more than $7k per month on just the two of them and their house. That sounds like it should be do-able, right?

My dad told my mom that she can spend $2.5k on all her stuff per month, he'll spend $1.5k, and the remaining $3k will go towards the mortgage, taxes, insurance, and other necessary costs. So I sat down and worked out a $2.5k monthly budget with my mom. I think this helped her start to understand how much things actually cost. She spends so much money on clothes and other random things. Not really nice things usually. My dad spends most of his money on medical (he has terminal cancer and is being treated in the city so pays a lot for transportation and his co-pays, pills, etc.) Both of them spend way too much on food per month (about $1,000 total for two people!) though I let my dad's food spending slide to an extent because he earned the entire household income for his entire life, is dying within the next few years, and loves food more than he could ever love anything or anybody else. He won't get to enjoy his 401k/retirement years, so I'll let him spend a little too much on food without being picky. He deserves at least that.

My mom, however, looks at the budget and says "ok, that helps a bit. I don't think I can stick to that. But it helps me understand how much $2,500 a month is worth." Ugh. She doesn't understand that she has no choice other than to stick to the budget. Granted, my dad has about $1M in the 401k, and even with the $300k left they owe on the house, they still are doing ok spending too much, for now. It's hard to put everything into perspective, because the nitty gritty of the situation is that my dad is going to die within the next 10 years and my mom could live a very long time... so she's the one who should be worried about having enough to live on for the rest of her life. And given her spending habits, I'm not so sure she will.

The unfortunate thing is -- the $1M in retirement plus pension may be a good retirement amount for this day in age, but my father's health costs may continue to rise before he passes. With terminal cancer, you just don't know how much the treatment will all cost, but it's going to be expensive no matter how you look at it. My mom will surely be left with a decent amount of retirement savings, but not the $2M my dad had hoped for them both to retire on before he became ill and before the stock market crashed. So she's going to HAVE to budget eventually. She can't just be in denial about her spending forever. Or can she?

It's not just her, though. I went through their entire budget and figured out that, not counting things like food, clothes shopping, medical, and other purchases that should fall in my mom and dad's personal budgets, last year they spend about $9,000 per month (!!!) on everything else. Between the mortgage, home taxes, insurance, utility bills, cell phone bills, they spent about $3k per month (which is how much more they should be spending beyond their personal budgets.) But then it gets messy. Where does that extra $6k per month go? Well, it goes to a lot of things... house cleaning (every week, last year it cost about $10k for the whole year!), home improvement (painting rooms, new furniture, fixing the air conditioner, etc), and then other random things that we couldn't categorize, even after all of the checks were in order and labeled.

Right now, I'm mostly concerned that my mom will not have enough money to live for the rest of her life. I'm hoping that once my dad is out of the financial picture she will let me sit down with her and plan a serious budget. Because currently my dad won't openly discuss all the finances with her (he calls her stupid, etc, and doesn't have patience to explain to her the reality of the situation. He just says "spend $2,500 a month and no more") so once all that's left is my mom and all the banking accounts, I can help her seriously budget. It's really not a place I'm comfortable being in. My father has always been set on leaving behind money for his kids, when I talk about my own retirement savings he would say "why are you saving for retirement? You'll be fine with what we will give you and your sister after we're gone." Or something along those lines. I didn't listen to him, I've been saving, but it just is unfortunate that in the end, I'll be the one to budget that dream of my fathers out of the picture. I know if my dad was budgeting, he'd factor in what he'd like to leave behind for his heirs. My mother won't do that. Or even if she does, she'd somehow manage to spend it anyway and use it as her yearly cushion. I don't want to have to convince her whether she should save money for my sister and I, that is just an awkward place to be in. That's the least of my concerns, but it all factors into my parents extremely poor financial habits and ability to think about anyone else by themselves when it comes to money or anything else.

Paying Yourself a Salary

2010-03-23T05:26:00.000-07:00

In my last post, an anonymous user advised that I should put all of my income into a business account and pay myself a set salary out of that account. While that is not a terrible idea, I believe it is not the best approach in my situation. Mr. or Ms. anonymous, I would like more information on why you feel this is a good idea, based on the following information. And for the rest of you, I'd love to hear your opinion in a comment about if this concept would make any sense.

If all goes as planned this year (which, chances are it won't)...

1. I can earn up to $120k net for the year in a W2, hourly position.

2. I can earn up to $40k in 1099 freelance income if my side projects remain consistent throughout the year. I'm thinking it will more likely be $6k.

3. I may earn much less than this on either or both areas of my income streams.

The concept of putting all of my earnings into a business account and then paying myself a salary makes sense only if all my income were 1099. But there is no benefit to setting up an LLC and a business account for my business income if my major source of income is now W2.

Thus, instead, I'll be looking for ways to shelter as much of my income from taxes as possible. That means in a way I will pay myself a set salary for "spending money" and the rest will be put places that I can't touch now or for a while, unless absolutely necessary.

Do you think this is the right way to go about this?

Dear Investing Newbie and Simple in France

2010-03-18T23:26:00.001-07:00

Since both of you left such great comments on my last entry, I thought I'd follow up in another entry to clarify, while still being vague enough to hopefully keep anyone who finds my blog from knowing who I am. (It's getting tougher and tougher to do that while being 100% honest on my earnings!)

Simple in France recommends that, since I don't know exactly what my income will be over the year, I budget for one that's "shoestring" and save everything else. There's no harm in saving. And I agree. I have a feeling my income this year will double, if not triple the $60k I was making last year. Yes, there is a chance, albeit a small one, that I could even hit $200k. I could also "hit" $10k - if for some reason after a week into the job they end up hating me. Not saying that's going to happen, but anything is possible. And it's so easy for them to say so long when you're not a full-time employee. I can't count on anything.

I'm trying to continue my goal of having diverse income streams, but it is difficult to maintain more than one job when one is a major 40+ hour-a-week commitment. The good thing about being on an hourly contract is that you're pretty much limited to 8 hours a day of work. That means you probably won't be working 60 hour weeks at one job, or if you are, you're getting paid for those extra hours. So that leaves room for picking up (or keeping) other freelance gigs. My biggest concern, though, is that I'll be asked to work those extra hours and I'll struggle to keep the balance of my diverse income streams. At least when I'm in a contract position I feel like it's fair to accept other work (unless the contract is salaried and specifies they own you for a set period of time). I never want to only have one income stream, I know I can be laid off at any time, or a company could go under. I don't care how much I'm making at one job, I need something else that at least covers the rent and minimal food just in case. At the moment, I have a part-time contract gig that moved from 8 hours a week to 16 hours a week recently. That pays slightly less than the 40 hour a week gig, so if I had to chose one to keep it would definitely be the 40-hour-a-week one. But there's no harm in working 4 hours extra 4 days a week (or spreading out my time even more) to save more money. And that's my goal. Save as much as possible this year. I'll probably -- best case scenerio -- get myself into a ridiculously high tax bracket, have to pay self-employment tax on some of my income, and end up earning not as much as I could have at a lower-paid, full-time job with benefits. But, I think it will work out ok, as long as I can keep this all going. And I'm going to make this work somehow. To prove to myself I can. And to save a lot of money. Because right now I'm either look at going to grad school or buying a condo (???) in the next 1-2 years and I don't mind keeping my spending low to increase my savings.

Investing Newbie asks if I know what I'm guaranteed as income, and that I should budget based on that. Yes, and no, is the answer. As stated above, in a contract role "guaranteed" for only half the year, the most I'm guaranteed for -- even if I am amazing at my job -- is 6 months worth of work. They also are perfectly free to tell me that they don't want me to come back in to the office at any time. They could even tell me that before I start my first day. I doubt they will, but I accept weirder things have happened. Then, my other income streams, while smaller, are a little bit more predictable. I have a blogging gig which, at the most, can bring in $500 a month. That I've been doing for a while. I got behind badly in Feb but did well in March. I just need to get up early and spend about 30 minutes to write a blog post for 20 posts a month. It's totally do-able. That gig is probably the most stable of them all, but the company that runs the blog could chose to shut it down at any time. Then there's the 16-hour-a-week project I noted above, which is sort of guaranteed at 16 hours per week for the next two months. It's with a stealth startup where I'm doing some writing work that I can basically do whenever (ie, night time, after work, weekends.) That also could end at any time. So the simple answer is -- I have no idea what my gross income will be for the year. There's a good chance it could be way more than I've made in the past. There's a chance it will be less. I don't know what to plan for. Other than to plan for a little bit of income ($35k about) and budget off of that.

Investing Newbie also writes that I could open up a plain savings account with a good rate and save up money for 40+ years or to invest if I feel comfortable with it. I do have savings accounts and investment accounts, and I plan to split my earnings among those accounts. Since I started working, I've put $5,000 a year into my Roth IRA, but if the best-case scenario works out this year, I won't qualify for a Roth. Again, not the worst problem in the world to have, but I would like to put money away for retirement. I also don't want to put everything away for retirement because -- as I said -- I either want to buy a house or go to grad school in the next 1-2 years. So where does that savings go?

Up until now, I've been fairly aggressive in my Sharebuilder investment account, in terms of stock and ETF purchases. I started slowly and was down a lot (like everyone else) when the markets crashed, but kept investing when they were down (bought a lot of a few companies I thought were on sale) and am now up 25% and have an account worth about $10k total. Still, I only invest $100-$400 a month. It would be a lot harder to put $2000 a month into my volatile stocks and ETFs. I also have a Vanguard account (besides my Roth IRA) that's just a mid-cap index fund. It's doing ok. I could put more money into that (or open up another taxable Vanguard fund) but I'm still a little nervous for shorter-term investing. Granted, I'm young enough where if my networth goes down I can recover. Maybe I'll have to take out a bigger loan for grad school or not buy a house in the near future, but it wouldn't kill me. I'm fine renting and living with roommates. I don't need a lot to be happy.

So, yes, I could just put whatever extra money I make over my shoestring budget and put it directly into a basic savings account or FDIC-insured laddered CDs. I'll probably lean more towards investing anything over my monthly expenses. I think for the first time in my life I'll have access to a 401k plan (though I'm not sure how good it is) so it probably makes sense to put some money away pre-tax. It's SO HARD to figure out if that makes sense, though. If my yearly income is less than $80k (or whatever the cut-off is for a single person this year) I am better off funding the Roth IRA first. But if it's more than that, the 401k makes a lot of sense. I probably won't know until next December which of those will be accurate. I guess there are ways to fund one thing and move money around until the year is over, but that's a huge pain. I'd like to just pick something and stick with it. The Roth IRA has been the no-brainer for the last few years, but it sounds like I should take advantage of the 401k while I have access to it.

Other places I could stash my cash? The 529 plan (which has, like, $1200 in it right now (enough for - what - one month's worth of MBA textbooks?) which is only free from federal taxes... I could buy a condo now and give up on my grad school dreams... and also trust that I can continue earning some decent income for the next 50 years, I could put about $2500 more into the HSA plan which I may or may not continue... I'd have to get it in there before I cancel the insurance, and pay a yearly fee forever to keep the account open, but that's a place where I can put pre-tax money and not have to pay taxes if I use the money for health expenses... and that makes more sense than the FSA which is also available with my new employer. I don't like the idea of FSA's since you lose the money if you don't spend it at the end of the year.

Anyway, I'm going off topic. I'm in a good situation right now all things considered, but the way I look at money, and savings, is drastically changing. I don't understand how to lead a six-figure lifestyle. Especially one that isn't guaranteed to be a six-figure lifestyle. It's fine to live this year like I'm making $35k and ignore anything above that I make. But when in my life will it be ok to stop and live a slightly nicer lifestyle? Go for a massage every once in a while? Buy a good road bike? Get a better car (mine will die soon, so I will need to invest in another car anyway)? Sign off on a condo or small house? All these luxuries... at what point in income and income stability do I need to be at before it's ok to spend more than a shoestring budget? Or is the key to never do that, no matter how much money you make?

Shooting Through My Glass Ceilings

2010-03-16T22:27:00.002-07:00

This year has been full of fiscal ups and downs. After making a solid salary at a full-time job, I was laid off in February and ended up picking up part-time gigs which, while paying great by the hour, didn't cover enough hours to meet my prior salary. And then I interviewed for a bunch of jobs and got a few offers. In the end, I landed a six-month contract with very strong hourly pay.

It's almost funny how just a year ago I was writing about how what I was making then would give me so much extra to save, and then I quickly found that I while I had money to save, the cost of doctor's bills and life kept my savings per month low. And now, looking at the next few months of income, I'm more excited than ever about helping my networth move out of being stuck in $35k. My goal, by the end of 2010, was to have a networth of $50k. Now, I'm aiming for $75k.

What will that take? Mostly, being amazing at my job, which I plan to do. Also, I can't look at the number I'm taking home and get as much out of my bank account into savings accounts before I have a chance to get near a mall or travel website.

I'm not going to complain about how much I will make because I'm thrilled that I'll be able to save for grad school and a house (MBA, here I come), but it makes savings a lot more complicated. I don't know how many of you can relate because there's a chance this year I'll hit six figures. I'm not sure it will happen -- I will only really know for sure next winter. It's certainly possible for the first time in my life.

With that type of income I move out of the average American household and hit what many people in America would consider rich for a single person. In the least, there's a chance I will make over the limits for a Roth IRA. For the past five years my Roth IRA has been my primary retirement savings vehicle. I'm not really sure where else to save money for retirement. I might be able to set up a 401k but it's going to be kind of messy to do that since I'm a contractor. None of the companies I've worked for in the past have had 401k funds, so if I am able to participate, even without a match (there won't be a match), I will. I probably should put a good amount of my monthly income into a 401k if I can open one. I can always max out my Roth IRA at the end of 2010 if I don't end up making the higher end of my potential earnings. Or a traditional IRA if that makes more sense. I also may put a lot more into my 529 plan for grad school, though I'm nervous about putting too much in that account as there's a chance I'll never end up going to grad school. I do want to have children, so I'd like to think if I don't spend my 529 plan for me, I can pass it on to my children one day. But that's a long time off, it's tough to put more than $100/month in that account without worrying about wasting money on that account. I can always take it out for something else, but I'll have to pay a fine. And in my state the money put into that account is only tax deductible on the federal level, not state. Still, it's probably worth it this year to put a larger amount than normal in that account, since I may not have access to a Roth IRA.

It is hard to plan when the amount you may make over the year is not set in stone. On one hand, it's kind of exciting. It makes me want to work extra hard to prove myself and earn as much as possible. As I grow in my career, my blog title becomes more and more misleading. I'm not going to be overconfident with this as so much is up in the air. When I'm 10 years out of undergrad (in 2015) I will write a post on how my income fluctuated over the years. I'd love to know what will be in that post, but I like being surprised by life too.

Negotiation Update

2010-03-15T17:44:00.000-07:00

Success. While the hourly dollar figure I quoted was considered way too high, I did get them to go $5 over the top of their hourly range. And, while the officially paperwork isn't in my inbox yet, it sounds like the job is mine. And I'm beyond ecstatic. Ok, I'm nervous as all hell, because I need to prove myself to the company in a role that isn't easily defined and where success isn't an obviously calculated metric. I will do whatever I can to be successful, but in the end, there's a lot to the success of my job that is out of my control.

For the first time in my life, I'll be making a real solid annual salary (albeit one paid hourly and that could be terminated at any time, with a contract end date looming from the start.) I'll be making the type of money where I could see being able to raise a family on, even though as expensive as this area is I'd still have to rent and live on the cheap. Beyond the hourly pay, the opportunity is great for my resume and future employment or graduate school prospects.

So maybe getting laid off wasn't that bad after all. I was in a start-up going nowhere fast. I didn't want to jump ship, though I had a few recruiters try to snatch me with alluring emails of positions with more stable companies. But it was at the point in the company where my role was no longer needed for the direction the business was headed, and I was let go. It was all very civil and as positive as a lay off could be. Still, I was unemployed, and my freelance income did not match my annual salary -- more due to the limited number of hours I could pick up than my actual hourly rate, which was about what I'll be making now, except now I have a guaranteed 40 hours per week and the self-employment tax paid for by the employer.

On one hand, this all feels surreal. Just last week I felt so hopeless and now I'm almost on top of the world, but also stressed, because there is a lot to prove every day in this role, and a lot of it I will have to define myself. While at my last company I showed up in jeans and a t-shirt, here I will have to dress a bit nicer. I'm sure jeans and a nice shirt are ok but I really want to dress to impress every single day. I'm usually too lazy to blow dry my hair and it's just a wavy poofball in a ponytail but I think with the increase in income I'm going to get a nicer hair cut and spend the time blowing it out every morning. I'm going to make sure I look professional. And while I let my tongue slip at my previous employer, being too honest with my opinions, this time around I'm going to be very careful with how I communicate. Because so much of how you're viewed is not so much what you say or your ideas, but how you say them, and how you make other people feel (esp your superiors.)

In any case, this is huge for me and I'm ready for it. I'm excited about the increase in income to add to my savings and bump up my networth this year, but I'm even more so excited that I did this. I got this really awesome job because I happen to be very qualified for this specific position. It feels great to know that I've earned this. Now I just have to keep earning it, and prove I'm worthy of being hired full time when my contract expires in the fall.

Negotiate

2010-03-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

Breathe in. Breathe out.

This is an exercise in staying calm while all cards are on the table, lying face down. You study the deck, eyes squinted, imagining how if you can see clear through to the other side, this game would be so much easier. Instead, you breathe. You wait.

There are a few different jobs I've interviewed for over the past month. Some are better than others. A few pay pretty good salaries. There is one I really want. The job requires a ton of responsibility. Global travel. It's a great opportunity for me from every angle, except that it doesn't provide benefits or paid time off, etc. It's hourly. But that shouldn't matter if the hourly price is right.

And that is where the cards are lying right now. Except in this negotiation there is a mediator. Someone hired for the sole purpose of finding out what my cards are, bringing them to the company, and deciding if I'm worth what I'd like to make.

I did what I normally do and asked for a range they were looking at first. The range was somewhat low, although not necessarily lower than I expected. I inquired if it would destroy my chances of getting the position if I asked for more. Are there other candidates? The answer - yes, there are two other candidates who made it to the final round. But they like me the most. They seem to really want to hire me. That's great. I think they're right because I'd be really good for this job. Given my normal lack of confidence on these sorts of things that says a lot.

But what I don't know is where those other two candidates stand. Am I really the top candidate? Are they willing to negotiate with me until we settle on a fair hourly rate? Or did I high ball too much? Too little? It's hard to say. It's hard to figure out what is comparable to an annual salary when you drop all benefits. Even my last job, which paid an average annual salary, ended up being worth more with a severance, stock options, conference fees, and a free computer. Those stock options, in theory, could one day be worth even more. In a contract position all you get is your hourly salary. So why not try to get a fairly high rate?

I'm just not sure what counts as high and what counts as "she's crazy for asking for that much." On one hand, there's a part of me that feels like I did that right now, on the other hand this is a short-term project and if they don't like me or think I'm worth my rate they can easily terminate me at any time, so it's not like they have a lot to lose if I'm not all that and the bag of chips they think I am.

Right now I'm trying to figure out what the lowest I'll go is. The range I was quoted seemed a bit vague. My title isn't generic, so it's hard to say what level it falls under. Even researching what other people are paid in this position elsewhere is tricky, there just aren't many specialists in this type of role out there. At least not with enough experience to get this far in the hiring process.

I'd really love it if I got a call today that said "ok" to the dollar figure I quoted. I have a feeling they're going to come back with something lower. How much lower... I don't know. I really hope they wouldn't say "you're too expensive for us so we decided to pass." That would be the worst thing to hear. Yes, there are other opportunities. Yes, it wouldn't be the end of the world. But I really want this job. It would be so good for me. And I think I can really make a difference in this organization. Show my stuff, so to speak. Move to the next level.

God, I hate waiting. I was told they will get back to me fairly quickly. Sounds like they want to hire someone yesterday. It would make my year if they just said yes, and gave me a start date. Fingers crossed for the best possible outcome when our hands are flipped face up.

W2 Contract Negotiation Questions

2010-03-13T08:13:00.000-08:00

After two months of unemployment I feel like I've gotten to a good place where I'm in solid running for two positions. One, which was fairly difficult to be offered -- is the one I'm leaning towards. Not just because it was hard to be offered it, but it has by far the most growth potential of the two positions.

However, the "better" position is a W2 Contract role. That basically means full-time without any benefits (paid days off, health, etc) except the employer's part of SS insurance, Medicare, and unemployment insurance. So, ultimately, the W2 position needs to pay a lot more to equal what a salaried position would pay, and at this point I have no idea what they're planning to offer, or how to go about this negotiation.

Now, normally a W2 Contract position would start with an Agency and they'd farm you out to a company. Most of what I've read about W2 Contracts has to do with programmers who have specialized skills that these agencies can sell for short-term contracts with high hourly rates. The agency then basically gets the programmer their job, and in exchange they make 35 - 50% on top of whatever hourly fee the contractor is making, all paid by the client. And it sounds like the client has no idea how much the contractor is making and what the agency makes of the fee they pay... which just seems like an uncomfortable client-contractor relationship. Or -- does the client (ie the person who would be your boss) never find out what you make? And if that's the case, how do you ever get promoted?

W2 Contracts often have non-compete clauses, from what I've read, which means you can't get hired by the company you're working for within x number of days after the contract is considered complete. So does that mean you screw yourself out of a potential full-time job if you chose to leave the contract? It really isn't clear from the Internets.

The thing is, the W2 Contract makes sense for a programmer. They go in, they do their job, get a project done, move on, and have many other companies willing to hire them for short-term gigs. My position is very different, it's in marketing, and I don't really view it as a contract role, other than the fact it is because that's the way big companies hire around here.

I've spent some time working the numbers to figure out what my last job was worth with benefits for the year, and it really is a lot on top of the salary. Getting paid holidays is nice too.

The thing is, I figure to make approx what I made at my last job on W2 contract I'd have to make at least $45 per hour (equiv in my calculations to about $60k with full benefits). But because of the responsibilities that go with the potential role, I believe the position (regardless of who is hired in it) deserves more than that. It's a little hard to figure out my full compensation at my last gig because it was at a startup where in theory a good amount of my pay was in stock options which, if the company succeeded, would be worth a lot. Not sure how to value those in determining my pay at my last job. Additionally, this job will require a much longer commute and basically take over my life. So what is fair compensation for this? Taking myself out of the picture and just looking at the role itself, the dollar figure I come up with is a lot higher than $45/hour. Additionally, I've been signing short-term clients for projects and they're paying anywhere from $50/hr to $100/hr depending on the assignment. And that's more the range I'm looking for. I'd think the higher end of that makes sense for this company, but again, I have no idea what they are paying for this role. I managed to avoid the salary talk all through my many interviews so I'm going into these negotiations blind.

I'm speaking with a representative from the hiring agency early next week to discuss fees over the phone. I prefer salary negotiations in person. Additionally, I didn't interview with the hiring firm, nor did they find me for the job. I was referred internally by someone within the company and have interviewed with people in the company. The agency has, thus far, just scheduled the interviews. And now I have to negotiate my rate over the phone with someone I've never met. Normally in negotiations I'd have a good idea of what the other person wants. In a startup it was very clear because basically ever dollar saved was another second the startup could survive, so it was about more than just salary. Here, though, what does the hiring manager want? Are they given a range to negotiate with? Do they negotiate?

Also, I'm not clear I'm offered the job yet. I am the top choice, clearly, and was told by the agent that my interviews went very well and everyone likes me. So now it's time to talk fees. I'm nervous about what this means. I normally would let my employer put out a range first if possible, but I'm not sure if doing that this time around would hurt my chances of getting a good rate. If I understood what the agency wanted... (ie -- if they get 35% of what I make on top of what I make, isn't it in their best interest to negotiate a higher hourly fee that the client is willing to pay for -- or does the agent get paid more if they are able to negotiate a lower fee? Or is there no negotiation at all?)

Anyway, if you have any insight into the W2 Contract Negotiation situation, please do let me know what you think about all this.

Well, the other potential job is

Off to My First Job Interview Since Being Laid Off

2010-02-23T07:12:00.000-08:00

While I don't like to put all of my eggs in one basket, and surely have some small freelance gigs and the unemployment to keep me going, this job is the first "real" gig that is more than just a hope, so I want to at least nail the interview. I'm tired and a little nervous. I'll get more nervous when I get on the train and get to their corporate office in the city.

I'm not really nervous about the interview itself, just the chance that I say or do something embarrassing in the process of meeting with the four people. I've only been on one other serious interview before with more than one person, and that was for my last job. But that was for a 1099 contract role for 20 hours a week at the time, so it didn't feel as huge, and it was also for a startup so it was very laid back as far as interviews go.

This, however, is going to be as corporate of an interview as the west coast gets. I'm putting on my skirt-suit that I purchased last week at Express, and likely straightening my hair soon, to look as polished as possible, while not losing myself in my clothes entirely. I'm wearing a fairly bright blue shirt, but it works with the grey suit, I hope. They're not that corporate, it's a smallish team of mostly engineers and a few business folks.

On top of everything, I recently found out that this job is a "W2 Contract" position which means I'd basically be in a temporary position without the benefits of full-time (no paid vacation, sick days, benefits) even though I'd be W2 so I wouldn't have the flexibility of an independent contractor (have to work at the office 9-5:30 every week day.) It's definitely better than being unemployed and for such a big, known company it would probably be worth it for a year or so at least -- I can always take time off, I just won't get paid for it. And if something better comes along with benefits, no one could really fault me for leaving. I think the whole W2 thing is designed so you can leave easier as well. I'm not really thinking about that much now, I'm more thinking about how I have to nail this interview. I'd at least like to have one job offer to consider and take in the next few weeks, and this is looking like the only real potential to fulfill that goal.

More Thoughts on Job Hunting, The Lay Off, Life

2010-02-19T09:52:00.000-08:00

Here I am, at a major cross roads in my life. One path ahead of me, however difficult to get a solid footing on, is one that leads to a six-figure career, possibly as soon as I sign on the dotted line of my next full-time contract. This road considers my employment history in an area that's highly desired right now yet not clearly understood, one that important and big companies are seeking to hire expertise in that I now have, if not the knowledge, the employment history to back up. At least more than I did before my last job when my entire employment history was 1.5 years as a journalist, which only got me a foot in the door at some PR firms for a very entry-level position.

The other road, however, is one even more unclear. It's one filled with $15 per hour jobs sans health insurance, part-time and/or contract work, minimally paid internships, graduate school, going back to the start. And it seems like such a waste of the opportunity I have to make something really "good" come from this layoff (at least in terms of my bank account and professional growth) to jump into an entirely different field that may lead me to a spot with the same "I'm not meant to be here" surroundings on a different path, just two years from now.

There are some opportunities in the first version of this scenerio. Well, to be honest, right now there is one possibility, but others may exist, especially if I'm willing to move. I don't know if it's really a six-figure job, but I assume I'll make at least what I made at my last gig ($60k) and likely more because it's for a bigger company with a lot more responsibility. There's a chance they expect to pay $90k or more. I don't know. I'm in the process of interviewing for the position. It sounds like an amazing opportunity. But I'm terrified of failing. I'm scared of failing when the stakes are higher. I'm scared of not knowing what to do, how to make up the tasks of the job, set measurable goals, and meet or exceed them. Sometimes results related to this role are difficult to quantify, but without the numbers success means nothing in these types of companies. So what do I do?

It is a luxury to get to "choose" but... in reality, I haven't secured a job offer yet for #1 and I've sent out hundreds of resumes in the last three weeks, only to receive a few "you don't have what we're looking for" or to just be ignored. I'm onto the second interview stage with the "really good opportunity" job but that means very little other than I have a shot at this gig. I'll get to interview in person instead of over the phone. They'll decide if they like me. I'll decide if I think I can really do this job without falling on my face.

In the meantime, I daydream about things I'd really love to do. Design. User research. Product management. Heck, maybe I'd even enjoy.... teaching? Retail? Being a waitress (I have a friend who loves it.) I don't know. I'm an INTP. I like solving problems. I like helping people. I do well with the big picture, but not so much the details. I know what type of job I want to have (design research) but I don't have the experience or skills for that type of job. My resume is schizophrenic. I don't want to get my hopes up about the opportunity because it may not be right for me. Or I might not get it. And beyond this, I haven't had any other biters on potential employment. So it's difficult to compare this opportunity to another, since there currently isn't another.

To COBRA or Not to COBRA

2010-02-19T09:33:00.000-08:00

My mom would say get your ass on COBRA asap, but she doesn't understand the financial implications of COBRA healthcare costs when you're unemployed.

Last time I had the opportunity to go on COBRA after losing a job, I had been on a PPO plan (a really good one) so I was looking at $405 a month for continued healthcare coverage (not counting all the extra copays and such I'd actually have to spend if I ever went to a doctor.) I denied my COBRA coverage -- that time I didn't even have unemployment since I was talked into "resigning" my a boss who was otherwise going to fire me (I just didn't have the chops to be a full-time journalist-blogger, go figure) so COBRA coverage, which cost half my rent, wasn't much of an option. At the time I also thought I'd be able to find cheaper high-deductible insurance for just-in-case problems for less. And soon I discovered that my health history of having irregular periods and treatment for depression disqualified me from being able to get any sort of health coverage without lying on my application. So eventually I lied and spent $150 a month on healthcare with a $5000 deductible which could be revoked at any time if they found out that my periods were in fact irregular or that I sought treatment for being depressed. Which made me EVEN MORE depressed.

This time, I thought maybe since I was in a high-deductible plan at work my COBRA coverage wouldn't be as expensive. It was a decent plan, but only due to my company putting in an extra $150 a month into our HSA accounts. So the plan, which has a $2000 deductible, wasn't a bad deal. Now, on COBRA, it's going to cost me about $300 a month to stick with this plan. So that's an extra $3600 per year which... only covers freak accidents that would otherwise cost my life savings. Worth it? Not so sure. Possibly. Especially since I won't be able to get other, more affordable coverage which most people would recommend to a girl in her 20s. Because my periods are irregular. And I'm sad on occasion.

I wish Obama could get his act together on healthcare. I'm not sure what a person like me should have to pay for healthcare, but these costs just seem prohibitively high. More so, I feel it is unfair for the health care system to kick me out just because my ovaries are not perfect and I actually sought help for my depression so I could get back to being a productive member of society. I learned my lesson then to NEVER pay for mental health care using health insurance (even if the booklet they send out makes you think it's a good idea.) At least with an HSA plan it really doesn't matter a whole lot if you pay through insurance because ultimately you can use your HSA money for therapy, and if you pay with insurance you'll basically have to pay the whole fee anyway, it will just go on record. It may cost a little less since the few therapists who take insurance these days are forced to charge a fee which is lower than what they'd want to charge, but then you're also extremely limited to which therapists you can see. So for now I am seeing a woman who is an intern in a psych program who is letting me see her for $20 a session. I don't think she's the best therapist ever, but right now, having someone to talk to weekly so I don't jump of a bridge is important, and I can afford $80 a month for that. $300 a month for basically nothing but insurance is a little hard to shell out when after taxes your unemployment income is maybe $1500 a month. If I ever get the unemployment income, I'm still working on figuring out if I'm eligible, etc.

This all limits the otherwise decent option of seeking out contract work. I know a few people were angry at me at my post where I asked... should I do contract jobs while getting unemployment (since doing work lessens your unemployment pay) but in reality you'd make more doing NOTHING because contract jobs require you to pay 15.3% more in taxes just because you're considered self-employed. Unemployment pay, as far as I know, doesn't require you to pay the extra 15.3%. I agree that I should not be lazy and mooch off the government, but it seems silly to do work to make less then I'd make by instead spending my time job hunting and even teaching myself new skills. And my current contract job is not going to lead to a full-time anything, it's just a freelance blogging gig where I can make up to $500 a month, I've been doing it for over a year now, and it was nice extra income when I had a job, but now it's the question of doing that and making less than I would on unemployment or just going the unemployment route. And I'm not sure what to do...

For now, I need to figure out if I'm going to go COBRA or without healthcare again. What do you think I should do?

Can't Sleep Tonight

2010-02-15T02:04:00.001-08:00

It's been about two weeks since I've lost my job, which may be why I'm starting to slip into a state of freaked out / depression over the entire situation. It's not that I'm depressed over losing the position, more so I'm terrified of how long it will take me to find something new. My experience is just so all over the map, with tasks completed that offer no means of quantifying the results.

So I've been spending the last 3 hours sending out cover letters and resumes to positions that seem remotely interesting. I'm not at the point yet where I'll just apply for anything, though soon that point will come. And even then there's plenty reason to believe I won't get interviews or hired.

Worst case scenerio, I guess, is I have 6 months unemployment then live cheaply and use my emergency fund to last the rest of 2010 / 2011, all while applying for grad school and hopefully getting in with loans to support me through the coming two years. After that, maybe the job market will look up, or maybe I'll actually be qualified for a job I want to do.

In the meantime, I'll continue to freak out about this lacking a job situation.

Understanding Unemployment

2010-02-11T15:57:00.001-08:00

Well, here's a new one for me. I filed for unemployment this month and have since gotten three forms in the mail to fill out and send back. I'm trying to sort out what it all means. Apparently, I can get $450 per week in unemployment insurance, or $1800 per month. That's a lot for not working at all, I must say, even though it's not close to what I was making prior to losing my job.

What I'm trying to understand now is how freelancing effects unemployment wage. It seems silly to bother freelancing if the government will just deduct your freelance income from unemployment (unless it happens to be more than your monthly paycheck.) Right? The thing is, right now I'm owed about $1000 for freelance work I completed. $450 for one gig, $50 for another, $475 for another. I guess I should have filed my invoices more timely, but I didn't EXPECT to get laid off. Who does? Well, I felt it coming, but I thought I had one more month to get everything in order.

Regardless, my one freelancing job still gives me the potential of making $500 a month. I don't "need" to file my invoice each month as far as I know, I've never been asked for my invoice and have often put a few months together when I didn't have time to send in a detailed invoice any one month. But then it will look like I've made $1000 or $1500 in a given month, which will surely effect my unemployment wages. Would it be better to just stop working freelance at this time? It would be a bummer to give up my $500/month gig. Or should I just put off filing my invoice until I have an actual job again?

Does anyone have any experience with this?

Back to the Start: I got laid off.

2010-02-01T22:20:00.000-08:00

After two-and-a-half years at one company, my tenure comes to an end. My boss met with me this morning and told me that due to restructuring, I have to be let go. I pretty much expected that and was surprised I lasted so long. What I didn't expect was how nice he was in terminating my employment... and how bad he felt about it. Which didn't really make me feel "good," but it was nice to know that I am leaving on the best possible terms.

So much for my grand plan to save $20,000 this year. I'll be lucky if I can break even. More importantly, I need to figure out what on earth to do next. I've got some serious thinking to do. Lucky me, I have all the me time in the world to think about it. I'd really like to not just jump into anything... and that may be tempting... so hopefully I can land on my feet in the end, and soon.

In the meantime I'm getting one month's severance (definitely didn't expect that), two month's health insurance, and most importantly of all, positive references for the future. I can get through this, I just want to make the right choice for the coming months and years... and I have no idea (yet) what that will be.

When is the Right Age to Get Married? Have Kids?

2010-01-25T17:19:00.000-08:00

For whatever reason, my biological clock started ticking loudly. I'm now 26 and I'm not getting any younger. While part of me wonders if I'll ever be mature enough to have children, I'd like 3 of them, and a house and stability and all of those adult things. I feel terribly young -- way too young to have a husband or kids -- and yet I know so many people who are my age or younger who are already packing in a full house. (This article argues that you should get married in your early 20s.)

I started Google searching things like "when is the right age to have a baby?" and "how old should i be when I get married." More often then not, I find people recommending marriage in the 20s, and popping out kids by 35 (and later and there's a higher chance for defects).

My boyfriend and I have been together over 3 years. We both know we're going to get married -- one day -- but he's convinced that he needs to finish grad school (well he needs to start it first) and obtain a career in order to get married. If he starts grad school next fall, I'll be 29 before he's finished with his MA. Then there's the PhD he may want to obtain... I'm not getting married until I'm 35 at the rate things are going.

I'm not marriage obsessed, I just wonder now that I'm 26 why I'm not getting married. I guess the way I see it is either my boyfriend and I will get married OR we won't and I'm wasting my time with him now when I could be out dating while I still look somewhat attractive. What if I get to 30 and he decides he isn't ready, or worse, wants to break up?

Given my health, having children is going to be extremely difficult and expensive anyway, and I don't want to put it off too long. At the moment I'm somewhat stable in my career -- somewhat as in I'll probably need to switch jobs this year -- but I've learned how to save and I'm starting to feel financially mature. I honestly could give two shits about being married, it's having children that is what's on my mind right now. I don't want kids now, but I do want them fairly soon, in the next 5 years. Maybe I should break up with my boyfriend and date a guy in his late 30s to make sure this will happen.

Bipolar Study Update

2010-01-15T14:00:00.001-08:00

As many of you know, I've been accepted into a study for Bipolar II depression medication at a local university hospital. The study provides me with 4 months of free medication, tracking of my condition, and a side benefit of $25 grocery store gift cards every time I go in for an appointment (once a week for the first 6 weeks then every other week for the remainder of the study.)

The study is designed to find out if lithium, zoloft, or the combination of both is best for Bipolar II depression. Since I'm obviously depressed (I'm still not certain I'm bipolar, but whatever, the meds are for depression anyway. I'm either ultra rapid cycling bipolar or just depressed with random extremely excited and elevated moods throughout my life.)

Lots of people have expressed concern that I won't ever know what I'm on, since they can't tell me what I was on until after the entire study is completed years from now. If the drugs work, then it sucks that I can't know what I was on. If they don't work, then it also kind of sucks because I don't know what not to try in the future.

But the benefits of participating, I feel, far outweigh the negatives. Having ADD, I struggle to take pills on a regular basis. The structure that comes with participating in this study is really helpful. I was given this massive pillbox that where each day of the week and each time of day has a separate box for the pills I am supposed to take. I also have to track my moods on a daily basis, which is really good to do, especially when I'm on medication to see if it's working.

I started last night taking one blue pill, which is either 300mg of Lithium or a placebo. I take that twice a day. I didn't feel a lot of side effects last night, just some dry mouth that could have been from not drinking enough water.

This month I took one blue pill and one white pill, which is either 25mg of Zoloft or a placebo. I could be on both zoloft and lithium or just one of them, but I'm definitely on something right now. And I definitely am having some side effects. But I can't tell which drug they are caused by...

Still, I'm having issues with dry mouth. I am extremely thirsty. I don't drink a lot of water normally and I've already gone through almost two cups of it and I'm still very dehydrated. My mood, overall, is calmer than normal. But that might be due to half the staff at my office being out today, and looking forward to a 3 day weekend.

I'm curious what will happen when they up my dosage later in the study. SSRI's and lithium aren't supposed to really help your mood right away so either I'm really susceptible to the placebo effect or my brain chemistry is just very sensitive. I don't have any other side effects yet that I can tell.

Have you been on either of these medications before? What were your side effects?

Donated $10 to Haiti, but It Isn't Enough

2010-01-15T09:51:00.000-08:00

After writing my last post, I realized that I could afford to donate (at least) $10 to the Haiti cause. So I grabbed my phone and texted "Haiti" to 90999 to donate $10 to the American Red Cross. I don't feel "good" about it because it's not enough, but I like knowing that this text message campaign has raised millions of dollars, and I'm a small part of it.

My last post about my not donating got some pretty passionate responses, one being from an anonymous reader upset by my thoughts. The reader didn't completely get what I was saying (they thought I said you can only donate through a church, which is not what I was saying... I was just commenting on how the world is full of "missions" and people doing charity for their religion, if you don't have religion or the constant reminder to give with the guilt that comes along with it, you have to find your own reason and motivation to donate or volunteer.) Also, looking overall at the animal kingdom, we are the only species that helps out fellow animals in need (that I know of) -- we are built to do what's needed to survive and to pass on the best to our offspring so our DNA can continue on into the future. So without "God" and with science only, we need empathy and compassion for humanity as a whole. That's not a bad thing, but then you take on additional guilt -- if your reason for helping is God / the church, where if you give a little God will reward you after death, and you think being a good person and helping others is good for you and secures you a one-way-ticket to heaven postmortem, it's a little easier to do a small amount of volunteer work and feel good about it. When it's solely about empathy for the pains of mankind, that empathy becomes overwhelming. The world is a sad and scary place.

Regardless, I donated $10 because it's the least I can do. I've been very strict with my budget this month (with my aim to save $20k this year) so $10 won't kill me. I know it's not enough, I'm trying to figure out my budget for next month to see if it would be possible to give more.

What is Poverty? Haiti Reminds Us.

2010-01-13T13:55:00.000-08:00

Watching or reading the news lately, one cannot avoid images of Haiti's poverty. The poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere, many in Haiti, even prior to the earthquake, resorted to eating mud because they could not afford rice or other staples.

The reminder of that kind of poverty makes me question how anyone, myself included, can live a life of such relative wealth without guilt. While I am generally opposed to religion, one good thing that comes of certain religious organizations is the idea of charity, giving, tzedakah, etc. Of course one can lead a life without God and be inclined to give time and money to those in need, but it seems that without God reality is tied to science, where the genetic reality is "survival of the fittest" and to care only for ones' self and offspring.

On NBC, Conan and Leno are fighting it out for a time slot when they can make America laugh. These comedians poke fun at life so we can get by it. Because regardless where you stand on the food chain, life is ultimately scary and meaningless. You can have all the money in the world and even moments of happiness but that means nothing. You can spend your entire life being Mother Theresa 2.0 and give and give, but that also means nothing. You can be in poverty, trapped by economic forces greater than any talent or skill you have, and that ultimately means nothing too.

Yet as I work as a widget in the machine known as capitalism, I have dual, painfully contrasting purposes in my mind, like two opposing notes sung by the shrillest of voices in attempted and failed harmony. One part of my mind wants wealth. Not stuff, per say, but "money" in the bank. Lots of money. To save and to have. Maybe to buy some stuff. This is what America instills in us as values. If we do not make money, if we chose poverty, we are failures. If we work hard (and use birth control and can obtain health insurance) there is "no excuse" to be poor in this country. Not poor like those in Haiti, anyway. No one in America has to eat mud cookies to survive.

The other contrasting note plaguing my ears is that of the desire to help others. To make a difference in the world. But the pain is so great. And the difference one can make is so small. You can feed a child, you can help a family in a third world country eat for a few days, or even a year. But how much can one person help?

Is there even a way for the world -- everyone in the world -- to live at a level above poverty (the US standard of poverty) if wealth exists? Doesn't the wealth of one rely on the poverty of another? And we know communism, the ideal of equality, doesn't work, because humans are genetically greedy.

So what can one person do? A part of me wants to donate all of my savings to Haiti right now. Of course, I won't. I've never donated money before in my life. Which is terrible of me. But I'm afraid to part with money. I'm afraid any difference I could make (with the exception of donating all of my income to charity or spending my life as an atheist missionary) is too small to be a difference at all.

An Investment in Career Counseling

2010-01-08T14:58:00.000-08:00

Per request of one of my loyal readers, investingnewbie, I'm going to jot down some information on my process in seeking out a career counselor -- why i did it, and what services they provide.

When I get into a funk I often start questioning the cause of my depression. More often than not, it's my career. After spending too many hours in a therapist's office rehashing the same old issues, I started thinking about how advice from a different angle could help. After all, understanding the root of my dissatisfaction with life is one thing, but being able to proactively create a better future for myself is another.

After doing some searching online, I sent out emails to a ton of local career counselors that went into detail about my current situation. Some, I'm sure, were scared away or weren't interested in helping me. I knew the more honest I could be, the better a match I'd find in whoever responded.

I got a couple of bites. Career counseling is not cheap (it's usually $100 - $150 per hour, more for some seriously overpriced counselors) so I wanted to make sure to pick someone who could really help me. One counselor, who was obviously in her 50s or older (likely older) talked to me on the phone for an hour in a free consultation. She basically told me that when she was my age women didn't have any choices and now we have a lot of choices so I am doing fine for my age and I shouldn't worry. While that was kind of nice to hear, it wasn't what I was looking for. She didn't want to take my money and she spent a whole hour talking to me, which was really nice of her. But I had to move on.

After that I decided I wanted to find someone nearby (not in the city, which is an hour a way and a pain to get to during business hours) so I did some more research. A woman who had been quoted in an article wrote me back and sounded like she might be a good fit. I scheduled a first appointment with her.

Before the appointment she had me fill out a lot of forms about my work life and why I'm dissatisfied where I am at. She charged $125 for the first hour long session, which I scheduled on my 26th birthday. I could immediately tell she was the type of person "not in it for the money" as she spend 30 minutes extra on my first session answering my questions. She really seemed to like helping me. Not saying every counselor is or should be like this, but it just so happens that mine is.

On the first session we went through some different forms about things that matter to me in work and talked a lot about values and goals. One thing I find that's difficult with a career counselor is that the industry I'm in is fairly new and I have yet to find someone who gets it, or anything I'm really interested in pursuing. Most career counselors have been in the workforce for some time and then decided to become counselors, getting their MSW's later in life. So while they know the basics of getting hired very well (resume writing, interviewing, etc), actual knowledge of future career opportunities, especially in newer fields, may be limited.

However, I've found that isn't too much of a deterrent to learning something from my career counselor. What she has taught me so far is that every person has a unique mix of what work means to them, and that finding the most important things to me (goals and values) is most important in figure out what path to take...

She's also helped me with some of the nitty and gritty, fixing up my resume that I hadn't taken the time to tweak much in years minus adding new jobs. She has also decided that I should take a class in marketing or business before really considering applying for an MBA.

I've only seen her for two meetings thus far, and she understands that my budget is tight so I don't need to see her often. Again, not all career counselors will be this flexible. I met with one who asked for $600 for a starter package, which would include 5 sessions, though it sounded like I could do them at my own pace. Some require monthly or even weekly meetings. Find someone who is flexible if you need that flexibility.

My career counselor even decided, at my last meeting, to drop her rate to $90 per session (and she gave me an extra 30 minutes again). She seems, for some reason, to really like me. After I went on about social networking, mobile, and the future of technology she was like "you're cool" and decided to give me a discounted rate. She thinks I have potential, apparently, which is nice... I've been so down on myself lately, it's nice someone thinks I can succeed somehow. Not that I really believe her, but in the least she can help me come up with goals and meet them, which is really important for me.

I'll update you all on my career counseling going forward when I have another session. Right now I'm trying to figure out if I'll stay at my current job. My company is going through some major reorganization soon and I think I may be left out in the cold. I'm not too worried, as it seems the economy is picking up and recruiters are writing to be on LinkedIn for open positions in my field. Luckily, I picked a field that few people specialize in. I'd really like to work for a company where I have the support to do my job, as opposed to my current job where all of the opportunities to quantitatively succeed and put on my resume are most often taken by my boss and coworkers.

Are Certificate Programs Worth it?

2010-01-08T12:30:00.000-08:00

My career counselor (who I've seen twice so far) wants me to take a class. She recommended an extension program based at a top University where I could take courses in business and marketing, and possibly complete the certificate program. The program is expensive and not something I want to invest in unless I'm sure I would complete it (I've been known to start things and not follow through, working on that as well.)

I could get a certificate in marketing or business administration, which would give me a solid pre-MBA education... more to see if I really want to pursue an MBA than help me obtain one (though it might help.) Each course is $600-$800 and then there are the text books. I realize graduate school is even more than that, but it's hard to justify spending that amount of money for a certificate. Especially when I could just buy the textbooks and read them on my own, if I was able to combat depression & ADD and muster up some motivation.

Have any of you ever done a certificate program? How much did you spend on it and was it worth it?

Are New Restricted Shopping Sites Worth the Splurge?

2010-01-08T09:28:00.000-08:00

Sales aren't for cheapskates anymore. With the economy still in a state of despair, sales are the new black. Sites like Bluefly and Overstock have long offered last season's designer goods at steep discounts, but those just don't feel exclusive and urgent enough to get buyers to to splurge right here, right now.

Enter "restricted" shopping sites. These sites claim to limit entry to friends of people already on the site (which means they are restricted for about a day and then everyone gets in.) But their real sell is that they offer designer goods at steep discounts for a very limited time. It's the buy now or forever hold your cash philosophy. And it apparently works. People love to think they're getting a good deal. Sites like Gilt, Ideeli, Rue La La, OneKingsLane and others are making bank convincing shoppers if they don't get in on a sale they're going to be miserable forever.

I've long believed that a sale is only as valuable as whether or not you actually need what you buy. In my previous life, I was guilty of shopping the sale rack and feeling pride leaving a store when I got a "steal." And that "steal" often ended up in the back of my closet, never to be worn.

Designer goods tend to either be beautiful or just plan odd. Trends don't last. There is a reason an item is on sale. If you're going to shop a sale, whether that be at the mall or on a restricted shopping site, know what you are looking for "before going in." This way you won't end up with credit card debt from buying a whole bunch of "great deals." These sites are probably best shopping for gifts since you can spend less for more expensive goods. But in shopping for yourself, don't get caught by the lure of the sale.

For more about these sites, check out the latest post by the Cranky Consumer on The Wall Street Journal.

Is Grad School Worth It? Financially Speaking.

2010-01-07T22:15:00.000-08:00

I've been obsessed with the idea of applying to / going to grad school lately. Not for the earning potential post graduation, but for the chance to focus on an area of study and build up my skills so I feel like an expert in an area (at least until those skills are out of date.) But then I wonder... financially speaking, is grad school worth it?

Really what I need to look at is how much I will have when I retire. I figure I should have at least $1.5M in my bank account when I "retire" (although I plan to work at least part-time well into retirement, but at this point I want to be able to travel and freelance and not have to worry if I get sick and can't work.)

At the moment, if I can live up to my quasi-frugal savings plans for the year and maintain my current job and occasional freelance income (say $70k per year pre tax) and save $20k each year, according to the compound interest calculator if I start with $30k today and save $20k a year for 30 years at a modest average interest rate of 3% I will have $1.052M in savings by the time I'm 56 and $1.65M by the time I'm 66.

It almost seems silly then to add in the cost of grad school, which will put me into debt and for many reasons, not guarantee I will make more than I am now later and certainly will not allow me to comfortably save $20k anytime during or after graduation from a graduate program.

Additionally, if/when I have children, it will also become increasingly difficult to save $20k per year, if not impossible. This variable could effect both the non-grad school and grad school potential scenarios. And since my 27-year-old boyfriend refuses to work a full time job or put an ounce of his occasional earnings into a Roth IRA, it's likely that I'm saving for the both of us and our families. Which makes that $1.65M, esp with inflation, seem like a few dimes and a penny.

That brings me to wondering if I should just keep living like I'm living now for the rest of my life. No kids (they're expensive.) Roommates. A small room. Living in an area where heat isn't necessary. Cheap bills otherwise. Saving $20k per year. Cutting back when needed to make that possible. Retiring single at 66 with $1.65M (some of it would be taxed, of course, but that's still not bad.)

Then again... why should I be living life to save for retirement? I can't imagine ever wanting to fully retire -- I see my grandmother at 80 spending her days in the casino and I think if I had the mental capacity she does at 80 I'd be working. I might be limited in my job choices but still, I'd be working because I don't want to be the type who just sits around and "enjoys" retirement.

Going to grad school is probably an easier choice when you're making $35k or less. But once you're making $70k it's a hard trade in. I'm looking more and more at MBA programs (my career counselor seems to decided that I should consider this path and is in awe of my knowledge of social networking and certain aspects of the tech business) but I don't know. I don't see myself ever really following an MBA path -- working 100 hours a week, traveling more than I'm staying... I could do that maybe for a few years but not my whole life. How much more can I really earn with an MBA vs. 2 more years of experience that I can gain through my current or next job? Alas, these days I'm liking numbers a lot more than I used to... and I think I'd like studying applied math. I like spreadsheets.

The debt truly freaks me out. People go into debt all the time for school but I don't know if I can. Partially its because I don't know if it will actually be worth it for me to go to grad school. It would probably make more sense to give a loan to someone more focused than I am and more dedicated to getting a high salary, pay for THEIR grad school, and earn interest on that... then for me to go to grad school.

And, anyway, I read that in 25 years a dollar today will be worth $.32 which means that my $1.65M when I'm 66 will not be enough to get me through retirement (unless natural causes like stabbing myself help me reach those goals.)

How much are you saving for retirement? How much do you think we will need to retire in 2050?

Dislike your Job? You're Not Alone: American Job Satisfaction at Record Low

2010-01-05T08:12:00.001-08:00

Think Americans who have jobs in this economy are thrilled just due to getting paid? Think again. According to a new survey by the Conference Board, only 45 percent of Americans are satisfied with their work. That's the lowest level in 22 years of the survey being run.

The cause of the mass unhappiness isn't clear, and while the recession certainly factors in (I'd bet salary freezes and Plexiglas ceilings aren't helping matters) worker dissatisfaction has been on the rise for more than two decades, according to the report.

Again, this leads back to my question of -- what makes us happy? The rise of unhappiness in work seems to match the rise of television being controlled by the five largest media corporations, and advertising becoming a prominent part of our lives. With all of the negative messages we receive every day about how we're not good enough, it seems no level of work -- or money -- can make us truly happy.

The study notes that workers claim their unhappiness stems from issues such as boring jobs, incomes that haven't kept up with inflation, and the soaring cost of health insurance.

"If the job satisfaction trend is not reversed, economists say, it could stifle innovation and hurt America's competitiveness and productivity," reports the AP. umer Research Center.

Workers under 25 expressed the highest level of dissatisfaction. Roughly 64 percent of workers under 25 say they were unhappy in their jobs. The recession has been especially hard on young workers, who face fewer opportunities now and lower wages, some analysts say.

Conference Board officials and outside economists suggested that weak wage growth helps explain why workers' unhappiness has been rising for more than 20 years. After growing in the 1980s and 1990s, average household incomes adjusted for inflation have been shrinking since 2000.

Some other key findings of the survey:

• Forty-three percent of workers feel secure in their jobs. In 2008, 47 percent said they feel secure in their jobs, while 59 percent felt that way in 1987.

• Fifty-six percent say they like their co-workers, slightly less than the 57 percent who said so last year but down from 68 percent in 1987.

• Fifty-six percent say they are satisfied with their commute to work even as commute times have grown longer over the years. That compares with 54 percent in 2008 and 63 percent in 1987.

• Fifty-one percent say their are satisfied with their boss. That's down from 55 percent in 2008 and around 60 percent two decades ago.

I Should Call My Blog: ADD & ADHD Money

2010-01-03T19:25:00.000-08:00

If you've been reading my blog for longer than two minutes you probably can guess (or have read) that I have ADHD. I don't entirely believe in ADD or ADHD (I think its caused by anxiety, which I happen to believe is the cause of most mental disorders) but for whatever it's worth, I have all the symptoms. I'm distracted, disorganized, have never followed a routine for longer than maybe two days at a time, and am pretty sure my intellectual potential far surpasses any of my output.

Every year, especially around this time, I tell myself -- this year I will get organized. This year I will figure out what to do with my life. This year I'll wake up early, go to the gym, get to work at a reasonable time every morning, work hard from 9-6:30, take an actual lunch break (not work through lunch), come home, clean, do laundry, COOK DINNER, read a book, go to sleep around 10, wake up and do it all again...

And every year, I know it's not really going to happen. Not without some serious outside help that I've yet to find. I don't know why I'm so unable to keep to routine. I don't understand how most people do easily (or seemingly easily.) For me, it takes so much focus and energy to accomplish anything once, let alone multiple times on repeat into the foreseeable future.

I still feel like a child, albeit one who understands the world overall fairly well, but I'm still a kid in my mind, wanting to run off on a whim, commit to nothing, yet still have the security of being taken care of, and living a life where risk is just s synonym for trying something new without the fear of any serious kind of failure.

Here's why I'm depressed -- I am afraid of everything. I'm afraid of trying and failing but I'm even more afraid of trying and succeeding. What's success? It always seemed like some sort of end to me. End of childhood. End of my 20s. End of growing up and instead being grown. At least failing you have somewhere up to go. I think too much. Constantly. My mind is filled with worry. I check my budget compulsively. Not routinely. Routine is alien to my very existence.

I oft wonder if some ADHD drug would help me focus... but every psych wants to treat my depression and anxiety before treating ADD. So I get drugged up on SSRI's and give up on them because they put me to sleep, they don't help me focus, they don't make me able to handle routine, they just make me feel out of it, like a zombie who is unable to cry, who isn't happy or sad. That's not getting me anywhere.

Whenever I consider actually applying to grad school there feels like a huge brick wall up in front of my face that I can't get passed. First is figuring out what I want to do with my life (I want to do everything and I want to do absolutely nothing), then there's actually having faith in my ability to do graduate-level work (I struggle with writing, math, reading, well... focusing, and just about everything that is required of academia) so then I think "what am I thinking? I can't do graduate work. I barely got through undergrad and somehow took enough classes to squeak by with a 3.2 from an average (ie non-impressive) liberal arts school. I don't necessarily want a PhD, an MA or MFA is more likely, as my graduate study should probably be largely about learning and applying skills, not solely research. But I worry about the level of other students who would go to any of these programs - they'd undoubtedly be smarter and more capable of focus than I am. They'd already know a lot more about whatever field I decide to study. I'd never be able to prepare enough to feel competitive in any graduate program worth attending. Then there's the pressure of applying -- I was lucky in undergrad, I applied to 5 schools, and even with a miserable high school GPA I was accepted to 4 out of the 5, mostly based on my artwork. But now... I don't know who would want me. I'm average at best and not sure what I could contribute to any program. Then there's my average GRE scores (not getting into any of the Ivy-level schools I like to daydream about) and my fear of asking anyone to write me a letter of recommendation. And beyond all that there's the cost of grad school which I can't even comprehend. Right now I've at least gotten myself comfortable with saving... if I can stick to my budget, I'll save $20k next year. But grad school looks like it will cost me $50k per year. For 3 years. After putting so much effort into getting accepted I then would have to take out HUGE loans that I'd pay back for practically the rest of my life.

Or I could... not go to grad school. I could find a job that I'm good at. But what IS that job? I get bored so easily. I fall for every job at the beginning and then after a year I'm ready to move on. It's like this with every other aspect of my life as well, but even more so with work because it feels like it's my entire life. I hate feeling infinitely trapped as an indentured servant of capitalism. But that's life. Can't I just accept it and move on? Why can't I just... focus?

Passion vs. Money: What I've Learned Since Graduating College

2010-01-03T09:38:00.000-08:00

They say if you follow your passion the money will come. I agree with that 100%, though you can't expect always to make a lot of money by following your passion. Also, as you mature, your passion(s) may shift, causing your once "dream job" to become -- like any other job -- "just a job."

So should you follow your passion or follow the money? That's a tough one. Here's what I did. I was too scared to follow my true passion (performing) due to a few reasons -- I fear failure, I don't believe I have enough talent, I may actually not have enough talent, I'm afraid of rejection, I wanted to make a decent living, I don't have the physical beauty required for Hollywood, nor the true dedication to performing the same role night after night in a professional performance career.

When it came time to choose what I would do out of college (where I had obtained a "3.0" liberal arts education and obtained an affinity for the "quotation mark") I was in awe of all the possibilities, yet convinced none of them would open their doors to me. What I didn't do in college was think through my career clearly. I didn't take may practical courses. My only internship was at a program that despite being run by outside journalists was within the school and titled using the college name (ie, didn't sound that impressive, despite that I was doing work for major TV stations and newspapers). As college came to a close I freaked and applied for internships around the country for something I thought I might be good at related to my passion... public relations and marketing. While getting the internships came easy, my passion did not. I quickly learned that veering off to the right of your passion doesn't qualify as actually following your passion. It just kicks you in the face day after day, which for some people, like myself, leads to depression.

That year was the first year in my life when I felt like I was actually depressed. The fear of what's next and knowing this wasn't what I wanted to do (non-profit marketing really requires you to believe in the cause and I lost that conviction - the arts suddenly seemed just as evil as any big corporation, and the strain of constantly needing to raise money and sell tickets, and being an indentured servant (ie slave with free housing) during that situation didn't help. I know I would have done a better job had I understood how that internship would be a building block to a career I'd love, but I didn't see that. I left the internship a few months in. Well, I was let go, because I lost all motivation to lick envelopes, check the mail, and organize files when just in the building over live art was being created. I was jealous of the person who landed the creative internship (my first choice, which I didn't get) and my bitterness was the end of that.

Luckily, it took me a short time to recover from the "job" loss because even in the deepest of my depression I knew I had to keep pushing forward. Mostly this was due to the fact that I had one month of housing left to get my act together, and then I'd be kicked out of the intern housing, and I knew I did not want to go home. So I frantically applied for every job I could find on Craigslist and Monster.com. I applied for more internships. I applied for everything. I must have sent out over 3000 resumes that month.

Then came a call for an internship at a newspaper. It paid diddly squat (you got a small fee when your stories got published, but that would not be enough to pay rent) and it was part time. I took a train for two hours south to interview for the position. I needed to get this internship because I felt that at least I'd have some creative autonomy as a journalist, and I could tell the lack of any creative control is what killed me at my first attempt at a full time job. I was offered the position and despite knowing my savings would take a beating those few months I at least had a direction to keep me afloat. I found a cheap place about a half hour from the internship and started looking for a car, which I'd need to get around my new home. I didn't know anyone in an hours drive of where I was moving, and this scared me a bit, but not much. I packed up my stuff and moved it all on the train for a day, taking the train back and forth and dragging my heavy luggage (luckily I didn't have too much with me since I had flown out to my internship in the first place).

This move, which I thought would cure my depression, definitely sent me on the right path, but I don't think I've quite recovered. Since then I've been through a few different careers, all involving writing, which has led me closer to whatever it is I'm meant to do, but I'm still on this journey. Every day I'm faced with the question of whether to follow my passion of the moment (always changing) or the money (a constant) and if it's possible to find something that combines both.

One thing I do know is that my passion isn't money alone. I couldn't spend my life as a salesperson (unless I believed in the product 100%). On my last entry, a commenter suggested that I look into a career in sociology and I think that might really be my passion. I minored in sociology in college, more because the reading materials and conversations in those classes were the highlight of my college experience. I could see myself writing books about modern culture, as while my passion for performing a subsided through the years, I've always loved a good conversation about what we do what we do and what makes us do it. Not really in the psychological sense, though I'm very interested in social psychology, but in the cultural sense. I'd love to study money, family, gender, technology, childhood, the economy, education and every pieces relation to happiness.

But can that actually be a career? Would I have the ability and attention span to get a PhD and find a small topic to research and become an expert in (even my above interest in happiness and culture is too vague for graduate school.) I might enjoy this more than other options I have, but one thing I learned in undergrad is that majoring in sociology (or any liberal arts field) is a no-no when it comes to obtaining a career. A PhD is another story, but I don't see myself as a PhD. I don't see myself a professor. On the other hand, maybe I'd love it. Maybe that's the type of "performing" I've been craving all along.

Buying Happiness in a Consumption Economy

2010-01-03T00:41:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about Capitalism and its relationship to the definition of happiness in modern society. Last night I watched this video...

... which describes why our materials economy is not sustainable and how it is awful for everyone involved (except the big corporations making lots of money.) Nothing really shocking in the video if you know how the consumption economy works, but it's just sad how capitalism is pretty much based upon making you feel like shit so you have to buy stuff you don't need and then making the stuff you don't need seem like shit compared to the latest cool thing so you want to buy that and so on, with all your once cool stuff becoming waste polluting the planet (not to mention the whole awful part about cheap labor and destroying third world countries.) That leads me to wonder, if stuff is ruining the planet, and likely our ability to be happy, then is it possible to be happy with money in our lives?

I jokingly asked my boyfriend today if he thinks I'd be happy if I just gave away all my money. That's a stupid idea, as I'd eventually starve and wouldn't have a place to live. I don't actually give any money to charity yet and I'm not sure at what point I'll feel comfortable doing so. If I save $20k next year, I should be able to afford to donate some funds to charity. But I just feel like all that money should be put in my grad school account, or in my making babies in vitro account, or in my house down payment fund, or car replacement fund. Having money is a necessity, unless you're that blogger who lives in canyon and eats out of trash cans and seems to be thrilled with his life, and I'm not sure how to let go of any of it.

Still, I don't see myself ever being happy in a stuff economy. I don't always buy the newest and most expensive gadgets and clothes, but I tend to shop for trends when the prices come down a bit, and I'll snap up the hottest gadget when I feel the cost is what it's worth (ie, my recent iPhone purchase), but I just don't know when I'll feel like I make enough to have enough to feel "good" in this society.

When I went to undergrad, I was so idealistic. I wanted to learn everything. I wasn't the best at learning because I couldn't decide what to learn and could never focus on one thing. When I figured out I need to find something to do to make money I became depressed. Now that I'm looking towards grad school, I have to find something that can sustain me for the rest of my life and also take in a decent income. I constantly think about having to support a family one day, knowing I could do it on a small income, but dreaming of a "large" six-figure income to support my mildly frugal stuff-based lifestyle.

The problem is, capitalism is inherently teaching us that our happiness should come from having more than the next person. Whether that's having a shiny new car, a cool pair of Ugg boots, or even just the ability to go out to dinner once a week when they can't (even if we're going into debt because of it) that is how we value ourselves in our society. Yet does it really make us happy? If there were some utopian society where everyone was equal, would we be able to obtain happiness without comparing ourselves to others from a financial standpoint? Or is that impossible... after all, we are genetically designed to compete so our offspring obtain the best life. Is that what our happiness is about?

My boyfriend is a simple guy. He's be happy living in a small hut with some good books and nothing but forest around him, and a visitor maybe once or twice a month. Me... I'm a different animal. I almost feel like I need stuff. I need the rush of shopping, it makes me feel safe. Without god in my life there's only shopping to fill that void. I don't go to temple or church, I go to the mall. I say thanks by purchasing the best fitting outfits I try on. I fill my religious void with lots of stuff. And then I fill my room with it and my clutter makes me miserable. It's a vicious cycle. And it has to end now.

Still, what replaces my stuff religion when it's gone? The only replacement are experiences... and those can be free or expensive and worth the same. It is our experiences that we remember, not our material goods. Even then, though, experiences can be pricey (they don't have to be) and do they even really make us happy? A blog I was reading the other day discussed how travel is a waste of money and that experiences are pretty much just as invaluable as stuff and they come and go. But if nothing has value (other than maybe our love ones, who we have no control over in terms of life or death as accidents happen) it becomes almost necessary for us to have stuff in our lives. Stuff keeps us sane. It puts meaning on something that really isn't worth anything, even if it cost a lot. Take away stuff and what do our lives mean?

I wish I could spend my life studying how the relationship of a people with material goods and experiences effect the happiness of a society and culture. Is American culture just so awful and warped that it's hard to see past life's true value and how to obtain happiness, or is this a worldwide epidemic? A human epidemic?

Plenty more thoughts on this topic to come... feel free to post a comment answering some or all of my questions... I'm curious what you all think...

170k Miles and 4 Years of Used Car Ownership

2010-01-02T10:19:00.000-08:00

In 2006, I bought my first car. While my parents, at the time, had a new car-only buying policy, my financial situation led me straight to the used car salesman. The purchase would be the largest buy I had made in my life, and every second of the process I was nervous and unsure of myself. All I knew was that I wanted to buy a used car, that I wanted to buy a "good" used car, and that I didn't want to spend more than... $8,000 on my car. Though less would be better.

I spent a lot of time at used car dealerships. I almost bought a lot of cars that I'm glad I didn't end up with. Certified used vehicles are the biggest waste of my money in my (current) opinion, but maybe that opinion will change after I buy a dud one day. My trip to the Chevrolet store had me sitting in a certified car that I thought I wanted. It was way more than $8k, but it was only one year old... a rental that was ready to be sold. It was shiny and new-ish. It was a red Chevy Aveo. I didn't really love driving it, but at 22 and getting ready to buy my first car, I figured I'd grow into it. I was literally sitting down at the bargaining table when I started to negotiate terms, and I realized this car was just going to cost me more than I was comfortable spending. I wanted to pay for my car outright, and that wouldn't be possible with this car (unfortunately I can't remember its price tag, but I think it was around $13k). I'm very glad I walked out of the dealership that day.

Later in my search, I drove a used Saab that I fell in love with, despite the whole hatchback style not being me at all. I really fell in love with the idea of owning a "luxury" car when the pricetag was comparable to the crappy Aveo I almost bought. In fact, I think the Saab I was looking at was around $9k. But then I read up on Saabs and discovered that despite their top-notch performance in crashes, the cost to repair the beast would be ridiculous. I moved on to the Toyota dealership, when I knew I was closer to what I'd ultimately buy.

At Toyota the certified cars were expensive. I test drove one that was sporty and too low to the ground. Apparently I need a car that's slightly higher up to feel safe. I test drove a Camry and really liked it but due to the price tag it was a no go. I started to consider if I should buy a more expensive car and just pay per month like most people do. That's when I turned to Craigslist.

More nervous then ever, I scoured the Craigslist postings for a Honda or Toyota in my price range. I'm not sure when I first saw the older Toyota Solara model, but I fell in love with its sleek design minus the huge pricetag. I never thought I'd buy a two-door car, but I realized that I didn't know anyone in the area, and chances were I'd basically be schlepping myself around with maybe one other passenger. Four doors just weren't necessary.

The Solara I found for sale was around $7k. It was a 1999, which seemed old but not necessarily too old... (it was 2005 at the time, so it was 6 years old). The almost dealbreaker was the mileage on the car... 130k miles. Now, maybe it was a mistake to buy the car with that many miles, but I haven't had any issues yet. The most important thing to me was figuring out WHY the seller was trying to get rid of the car. He had a reasonable story -- he had a baby, he loved the car (which was always owned by his family) but needed a four door and planned to buy the four door Camry version of the model.

He agreed to get the car inspected so I brought the car to a guy who was supposedly a Toyota specialist and paid $100 or something to get the car checked out. The guy ran through a few small problems with the car but told me it was in really good operating order for so many miles and the year it was sold. And I was sold. I needed a car and I was tired of looking. I paid $7,000 via check and watched the money wipe from my bank account. But it wasn't that scary, I still had some savings left, and I really was excited to buy my first car.

Since then, my car has been running fine. Knock on wood. 2006 - 2010 makes my car at least a four year purchase, or about $2,000 per year plus gas and insurance. I've had to replace the breaks and tires, but otherwise it's doing ok.

I'm glad I didn't spend money on a new or newer car... being as this is my first car, I've dinged it up a bit, mostly driving into inanimate objects. I wish I hadn't, but I'm a better driver now and know how to avoid most scratches (at least ones I cause) if I get a nicer car down the road. I love my car for its sunroof, it's design, it's cost (even though I could have gone cheaper.) I love my car for keeping me safe during one accident and somehow not even getting too much damage from it (I didn't hit anything, I just had a really bad day and was exhausted and spun off the road into a ditch by accident.)

My car now has over 170k miles on it, so I've put on about 10k miles per year. I'm not sure if that's considered a lot. I don't drive much but I generally take one or two longer road trips per year (longer being like 5-6 hour drives) so that's adding up and undoubtedly wearing on my car. Since my boyfriend drives a really old clunker which can't accelerate well, we always take my car. I wish he had a better car so we could trade off car-driving duties, but at least when I use my car I can drive... I doubt he'd let me drive his car if he had one he liked!

Now I'm wondering how long my car will really last me. I'd like it to last to 200k miles, which would be 3 more years, I guess. I don't know how I could sell the beast, it's too dinged up to be worth much now, unfortunately. So I plan to run it into the ground, figuratively speaking. I'd love my next car to be a Prius but those things are damned expensive, even used. Heck, I may buy another Solara (though a newer model) because I've been happy with Toyota quality and my car. It's not fancy, it's not a show car, it's just a car that's a little nice to get me where I need to go.

How much did you spend on your current car? How long do you expect it to last you?

2010: A Fresh Start / Saving $20k in One Year

2010-01-01T11:07:00.001-08:00

My goal of saving $20k in 2010 feels within reach. I used Mint to create a strict budget for myself which, allowing for occasional splurges, still should see me saving $1670 per month...

Auto: $300
Bills: $200
Education: $60
Entertainment: $50
Investing Fees: $12
Food & Dining: $200
Health & Fitness: $400
Rent: $633
Personal Care: $440
Shopping: $50
Travel: $50

What's in bold above is the hard part. I can see myself sticking to budget everywhere else, but it's going to take a lot of effort to make sure I spend less than $200 on food per month and less than $50 on shopping. Honestly, the shopping is easier since I can just avoid the mall and therefore not buy anything. I spend way too much when I let myself near a mall, so no mall visits in 2010 except to buy gifts.

I don't know how to spend $200 on food per month, even though in theory that should be easiest. Why can't I spend less than $200 a month on food... I'm only feeding myself (and occasionally my boyfriend.) I eat out WAY too much which is why in 2010 I will eat out ONLY ONCE A MONTH (really?) and this will be an extreme change in lifestyle for me. That means I need to eat breakfast at home (so I don't pick up $13 Starbucks on the way to work), figure out affordable lunch options, go out to lunch with my coworkers just once a week, and eat dinner at home -- or pack a dinner. I honestly have no idea how to eat cheap / frugally. When I shop for food at the supermarket I usually buy too much that I don't end up eating. I try to feed myself in the moment, which is bad, and usually wait to figure out what I'm in the mood for (am I craving protein? Calcium?) to decide what to eat. Well, that has to stop, as my $400 - $500 a month food diet is way too expensive and honestly not at all healthy for me.

If my income level stays the same this whole year AND I stick to my budget, I really feel like I CAN save $20k. It really helps using Mint's planning tool to visualize this. I'm such a nerd but I love adjusting my monthly spending in each category and seeing the yearly savings figure go up. It makes a few dollars saved each month seem a lot more valuable.

Now, chances are I will not remain at my job all year for a few reasons. Namely because I work at a startup and this is our make-or-break year. We may "make" but just looking at the odds there's at least some chance we'll "break." The good news is that with this tight(ish) budget savings plan, I should save $10k the first 6 months, which would at least put me in a good spot when I need to look for a new job (though would completely throw off my goal to save $20k and would depress me greatly.)

Now, I just need to figure out what to do about my 2010 Roth IRA. Over the past three years my IRA plan as been pretty simple... save up enough the year before to put in $3k on April 16 for the year, then put in a few hundred dollars a month until hitting $5k. It probably makes more sense to just max it out right away since I think I'll have the money and the market looks like it will recover more in 2010 (though it could do the opposite, but how much would dollar cost averaging $2k over a year really help?) Additionally, at my current income tax bracket, I'm unsure if I should be doing a Roth IRA or if I'm at the point where a traditional IRA makes more sense. With no 401k to speak of (I've never worked for a company with a 401k, let alone one that matches) the Roth is my only pure investment vehicle. So I need to be smart about it.

After a really awful December in terms of spending (vacations, gifts, dining out) I'm so ready to turn a new January leave and live a semi-frugal life in 2010. With the help of this blog and Mint's budget tools to keep me in check, I think I can accomplish this. This should be do-able if I keep myself in check every day. No more impulse buys. No more $1500 days at Bloomingdales to cure my temporary depression and need to feel free and reckless. No more alcohol. If I feel the need to do something impulsive - ever - I'm going to the gym.

No More Voice Lessons... For Now

2009-12-31T10:48:00.000-08:00

My voice teacher just emailed me and asked me about scheduling January lessons. I've been going to lessons twice a month for the last year, which cost me $170 a month. Given that I'm now spending $200 a month for group therapy, it is important to pull back somewhere. It's a tough decision to say no to lessons, but it's something I need to do right now. I recently started dance class once a week which is $60 / month, and I feel like this is an area I need more work on anyway in terms of auditions. I'd love if I could afford all of the above, but I really can't. (Well, not if I want to save $20,000 next year.)

I feel bad about telling my voice teacher I can't afford lessons right now. It's tough being self employed, and even though I'm sure my $170 a month won't break her budget, it's much easier to cancel a subscription than voice lessons with a woman who I respect and actually want to pay.

That said, I need to take care of my mental health issues right now. And that's costing me a small fortune. When I got hired full time I sought out voice lessons as a reward to myself. I do think I've improved a bit, but I'll never be a great singer. It's more or less a hobby of mine. But at this point in my life it's just not worth investing in. My sanity, however, is.

2009: A Year in Personal Fiscal Review

2009-12-31T08:15:00.000-08:00

2009 was an incredible year for be in terms of income. Since graduating college in 2005, I had at most made $30k per year, with months of the year usually dedicated to unemployment sans unemployment checks and freelancing to fill in the gaps. As much as 2009 was not a perfect year, my income this year hit approx. $70k before tax. So I made more than double what I've ever made before. That's the good news.

My spending also increased in 2009. I spent $35k this last year, according to Mint. This included unnecessary splurges which I likely rewarded myself due to my promotion. Next year, I'm going to create a budget and stick to it, as my goal is to save 30% of my after-tax income, about $15,000 assuming my income remains the same (which odds are it won't). I'd really like to save $20,000 next year, but to do that I'd really have to force myself to be frugal. Which isn't a bad thing, it's just something I've never done before. I might try, especially with Mint's budget tool and my new iPhone helping me keep my finances in check each month.

To save $20,000 in 2009, I'd have to save $1,667 each month. Assuming my take-home pre-tax pay is $66,000 (which I like to pretend is $33,000 after taxes) I have $2,750 a month to spend. That leaves me with just $1,083 a month of spending money if I really want to save $1,667 per month. Again, this is certainly possible. I'm really inspired by blogs like Under $1000 a Month because if a family of 4 can live off less than $1,000 a month (!!!) then so can I. Right?

Well, I'm not sure I can. My mental health therapy is expensive, as are the meds I will likely be on in 2010. That's my biggest cost that I'm not willing to give up. I've already cut back on voice lessons, though I'm taking a dance class which is $60 / month. And my car may become a wreck in 2010 (with 170k miles on it, I don't know how much longer it will last) which could mess up the whole savings thing.

I figure I have $800 in set costs (rent, bills, gym, car insurance) and then anything else on top of that which is vital... food, gas, new tires, etc. All-in-all it doesn't seem like I can live on less than $1,000 a month. Well, I could, but that would mean NO therapy and no dance lessons (and definitely no laser hair removal package, which I'm almost sure I am going to purchase in early 2010 for $300 / month over 12 months.)

My goal for 2010, though, is to seek out ways to live frugally, besides my set expenses, so I can save a lot. Maybe not $20,000, but it's not so bad to make that my goal. I'll aim to save $1,667 a month and budget for this as possible. If I can increase my annual income with additional freelance work, all the better. I count my interest in as well, so if my stocks happen to perform well and my P2P accounts happen to stop defaulting, I might hit this goal. Who knows. I do want to focus on keeping my budget in check. If I can save AT LEAST $1,200 a month in 2012, my networth will hit $50k, which is really my main goal for 2010. I read somewhere that at 30 your savings should be at the amount you want to live on for one year of retirement. I'd like $80k a year in retirement, so I want to hit $80k in savings by 30. Which is going to get totally messed up by my potentially going to grad school... but it won't exactly help matters if I'm out of a job either.

Anyway, here's to 2010 being prosperous and smart for me and for everyone out there reading this little blog of mine. :)

Get Your Free Drugs Here: Bipolar II Study

2009-12-29T17:09:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm one appointment closer to getting free drugs to treat my Bipolar II depression. I qualified for a study at a local hospital where I'll be given either Zoloft, Lithium or Both (I'll be getting something, but I won't know which combo) and went today to get blood work for the final check before they give me the meds. Assuming everything comes back normal (and after I take an EKG next week) I'll be given the medication and set up to track my moods for the coming 16 weeks.

My psychiatrist gave me a prescription for Celexa but I'm holding off on buying that until I do this study. I think I'll learn about myself and my mental state by carefully tracking my interaction with medication, especially since I won't really know what meds I'm on.

In addition to getting free meds, I also get a $25 grocery store gift certificate every time I go in for an appointment (I'll be going every week for the first six weeks of the study, then every other week for the remainder of the study). It's not a bad deal... I can basically pay for my groceries for a month and get free meds. I do have to let them poke me with needles more often than I'd like and accept that I might be on a medication that may not be perfect for me, but with any mental health med you have to experiment to find the right medication and dosage. Plus, without knowing what I'm on I'll avoid the placebo effect. I'm looking forward to seeing if these meds alter the way I think and feel in the coming months.

Did Feminism Destroy a Woman's Evolutionary Means of Happiness?

2009-12-29T16:38:00.003-08:00

The other day I randomly happened upon a blog written by a man who might be the most sexist psychologist in the modern world, which I'd write off as total BS if his blog wasn't on Psychology Today and for the fact that the guy teaches at the London School of Economics. His whole explanation for how we act is based on his belief that men want to compete for dominance and make themselves most desirable for women because the woman picks her sexual partners and the men must just make themselves wanted. He thinks that feminism has destroyed the modern woman's chances of happiness because it has taught us that being a mother (esp a stay-at-home mother) is something to look down upon, and in terms of evolution, that's what a woman would be most happy doing.

Do I believe all or any of this? Not really. Obviously everyone is different, and some woman would be thrilled to chase after a corner office and live a life without children. According to this guy women are necessary in the relationship equation to force men to not have sex all the time, as gay men never stop having sex. Ignoring this guy's obvious lack of ability to grasp reality, he makes a few good points along the way, and has lead me to some other interesting reading specifically about the woman's role in modern society. His point on how success today is pretty much only known by the "masculine" version of success is true, even though I'm not sure competing for the corner office or making a high salary is actually masculine.

I often wonder who I'd be in society 50 years ago. I feel so lost in terms of what I want out of life these days, and deep down part of me questions if this is due to my human nature as an animal and even as a woman. But I feel dirty admitting to wanting to be feminine in the traditional sense -- I couldn't imagine accepting that my path to happiness is to be a mother, stay home, take care of the kids, cook for my husband (well, that would be a bad idea anyway since I'm a terrible cook). Then again, I feel happiest when I'm helping people, when I can be in a motherly role. My boyfriend doesn't like it when I try to mother him (not that I try, but can't a guy learn to iron his clothes?) so maybe having children would make me happy...

My grandmother, who is now 80, married a guy who was 20 years older than her when she was younger. She told me about the marriage a bit this weekend when I went to visit her. He was a traveling rabbi, driving around Montana, Idaho, and the Dakotas as a chaplain for the military. She liked him because men close to her age weren't able to hold intelligent conversations (so she says, though really I think she just couldn't find anyone willing to put up with her... she's a bit on the nutty side of the PB&J.) After getting married, of course she didn't work. She raised three children. That was her life.

When I talked to a career counselor for a consultation on the phone a few months ago, her voice told me she was older, perhaps in her 50s, and she went on about how I'm doing fine, that I shouldn't worry, that only a decade or two ago I would not have any choices as a woman, and today I am doing perfectly well given how many choices I have. That gave me little comfort in my sanity.

Now that I've been dating a guy for more than 3 years (almost 4!) and we talk about marriage here and there, the idea of becoming a mother is going from something I thought would never happen to a possibility. Even though I know it will cost me a billion dollars to have a child or children (thanks PCOS) I have a partner now who I can see spending the rest of my life with. I know he'd be a good father. I'm not sure if I'd be a good mother... my aunt laughs whenever I talk about having kids, she thinks I'd be an awful mother (but I think despite her ability to make a great salary and force her children to eat healthy, she's not a perfect mother either)... I just wonder if I'll ever have kids, if being a mom is really what my genes are longing for these days... given that women are really supposed to procreate the second they hit puberty and only modern society has messed that up by creating "adolescence" (one thing I do agree with creepy sexist psychologist man about.) And now, at 26 without kids or a husband, I feel empty. Every possible path... grad school, a great career, etc, seem to be lacking something. I know I need to figure out the career thing before having children (as once I have kids I need a stable job, I'm not going to be marrying a rich guy and I'm fine with that.) But what if I wait too long and I can't have kids? My boyfriend casually mentions that he sees us getting married in 2015. I'll be 31. That's not too old to get married, but it scares me that my gynecologist, when I was 15, told me if I want to have kids I should try to have them by the time I turn 30. Back then she said "don't worry, you have time" but at 26 I don't feel like I have any time at all. I know I can't rely on kids to make me happy -- they might do just the opposite -- but at the very least they'll help me be less selfish. So much of what makes me miserable these days is how life seems to all be about me, and there's nothing in the world that can satisfy me, just things to do or buy to temporarily fill the void. I don't know what would make me happy... what's a well paying job without children in your life?

When a Friend is Deep in Debt

2009-12-28T15:21:00.000-08:00

I've mentioned my friend Jessica* a few times before, often discussing her poor spending habits. Now, Jessica is a great girl with the best intentions. She'll always put a friend or loved one's needs before her own. I don't have that kind of patience or selflessness, and I admire that trait in her. However, I'm worried about her debt, even though it's not my problem, and wish there was a way I could help her.

This month, she revealed to me that she is $12k in debt. While that isn't terrible, what is painful to watch is that this girl, with all her talent and skills, could easily obtain a job (even a minimum wage job) and pay off her debt within a year or two. But, being selfless as she is, she refuses to leave her administrative position with the family's business, which has suffered greatly with the economic collapse.

Jessica consolidated a few of her credit card balances and has managed to pay off $3k of her debt, bringing it down to the current $12k total she owes. She works a few small jobs here and there, but what the small jobs do is make it impossible for her to obtain steady work. Without a college degree, I know it would be hard for her to find a decent job, but isn't it worth working a job you dislike for a little while to pay off your debt and build an emergency savings fund?

It hurts me as a friend to watch her constantly worried about her debt, her bills, and how she's going to afford the next month. She lives in a house owned by her parents so luckily doesn't have to pay rent, but it sounds like there have been months when the parent's house has been close to going into foreclosure. The whole family is so nice and I just wish I was rich enough to buy them all out of debt, but then I also wish I could buy the whole country out of debt and teach everyone to live within their means. Too bad no one would listen.

Today, I asked Jessica what games we'd be playing on New Years at her party night and she said she might buy a new game with her Christmas money. I just wanted to write back and say don't buy a game, however much money you got, put that into savings. Pay down your debt. Don't buy a game with it. But I can't do that. I can't help at all.

Leaving (your money in) Las Vegas

2009-12-28T15:03:00.000-08:00

I learn the most about personal finance when spending time with families. Single folks usually can hide their personal finance problems, but families tend to talk about them more openly -- even if it's just to argue about how to spend money for the day. It's valuable to listen to people in their 30s and 40s to learn about PF issues before you encounter them.

This weekend, I got a schooling in how gambling -- and more importantly, financial honesty -- effects a marriage. My aunt and uncle are both fairly well off, yet own an expensive home and live in a very pricey area with two kids, so for them -- even making approx $400k a year, every cent counts.

Both of them look at bills after meals and with a gasp exclaim that the meal was pricey. They offer to pay for my meals, on occasion, but you can tell in the way they offer they really want me to pick up my portion of the tab (which is fine, I just wish they'd come out and say it.)

However, the most uncomfortable part of my weekend with my aunt and uncle in Vegas was when my aunt inquired about my uncle's gambling. Now, he wasn't high rolling or anything... he just played a few hundred bucks in video poker. But he didn't seem to want to tell my aunt. What made the situation worse was that he would gamble a twenty here and a ten there in front of his children, then get upset at them when they brought this up in front of their mother.

If you're in Vegas there's nothing wrong with gambling a little bit, but you have to set limits and more importantly, if you're married, you have to be open with your partner about how much you're going to spend. I don't understand how the same couple constantly worried about every penny can function with gambling involved.

All in all, my trip to Las Vegas was depressing, especially from a personal finance point of view. Watching all of these people... rich, poor, tourists, locals, everyone - just giving away their money in hopes to win big, is almost too surreal to believe. My grandmother, for instance, plays video poker non stop. She puts in $100 and goes through it in about five minutes, only to go to the atm, pay another $5 fee, take out $100 more and go through that. She says she comes out ahead but I can't really believe her. She does have a strategy which seems to help her "hit" on occasion, but I can't imagine anyone who is a gambling addict could actually come out ahead always. Granted, she's alone and her boyfriend of five years recently passed away, and she has nothing except the video poker machine to keep her company. She doesn't travel, she doesn't go out to fancy restaurants or shows, she just gambles. That's her life. That's a lot of people's lives in Las Vegas and in the state of Nevada. It's a sad, sad place.

At least when you are visiting the state there is a beginning and end to your gambling, but when you live there, it easily turns into an addiction. I spent about $50 on video poker, more to bond with my Grandma (who constantly screamed in my ear that i'm doing it all wrong and that I shouldn't gamble but instead play the game the way it wants to be played) than to get rich quick (though of course in the back of my mind I was still hoping...)

I don't understand Vegas. It would make more sense in the old school sense with cheap buffets and entertainment, all to get people to come and spend their money on roulette. But these days everything there is just so expensive. The shows, the rides, the hotels, the spas, the food... who has money left over to gamble after paying for your vacation?

If anything good comes out of my grandmother's gambling addiction, it's her thousands of "comps" which basically provide free room and board for her visitors a few times a year. I didn't feel so bad wasting $50 on video poker when my entire stay was otherwise free. I can't imagine ever going to Vegas and actually paying just to be there. It might be fun to go with a group of friends and party the night away -- if you're super rich -- but otherwise, how is what happens in Vegas ever worth the price?

My 2009 Health Spending and HSA Account Report

2009-12-22T17:16:00.000-08:00

This was the first year I had an HSA Account along with a high deductible health insurance plan. It's worked out ok, though to be honest I'm still unsure if I'm doing this all right. I made some last-minute transfers from my account to reimburse myself for medical spending and glad I did it today, because I found out that I can only transfer $500 per day and I needed to take out the same $2000 that I just transfered in.

The biggest stumble with my HSA this year was my accidental over contribution (excess contribution), as I transferred $2000 into the account completely forgetting that my work would be putting in another $100 before year end, putting my account $100 over the legal limit for the year. Oops.

I'm still not sure how that is going to pan out... I'll probably just be extra taxed on that $100 which sucks but it will be a few bucks (hopefully) and I know better for next year.

My medical expenses this year beyond what was covered by insurance were pretty costly...

Vision

$134.95 eye exam

$429 13 month supply of contacts

Dentist

$761 deep cleaning 4 quadrants and oral cancer screen

Mental Health

$710 -- group therapy 1 month, one psychiatrist appointment, one career counselor appointment, 2 individual therapy (group screening) appointments

Acupuncture

$250 -- 2 visits and herbs

Gynecologist

$200? -- ultrasound to see that yes, I still have many cysts on my ovaries and office visit to discuss this (all during my supposedly "free" yearly checkup

Foot Problems

$195 -- this was either for my one visit to the podiatrist or the xrays, I'm unclear which but I probably owe more.

Monthly Health Deduction: $20 (x 12 = $240)

Total Health Costs this Year: $2919.95

- $1200 (employer contribution to HSA)

My Approx 2009 Health Expenses: $1719.95

26 Aspirations and Goals for 2010

2009-12-22T16:44:00.000-08:00

I like Affecting Change in Me's idea to come up with the # of goals for the coming year based on your age. She's turning 30 so she has 30 goals.

Here are my 26 goals for 2010...

I'll check in each month to update how I'm doing on each goal.

1. Save 20% of my income for retirement

2. Save 10% of my income for other upcoming expenses

3. Increase my net worth to $60,000

4. Study (a lot) for graduate school tests

5. Take the GMAT (and poss retake the GRE)

6. Apply to grad school(s) in fall 2010

7. Stop drinking alcohol (except on my birthday)

8. Go to the gym 3 times a week

9. Earn $10k in freelance income ($833 / month)

10. Eat 1300 calories per day

11. Drink 8 glasses of water per day

12. Come up with sweet, non expensive things to do to make my boyfriend happy and do them

13. Go to 1 networking event per month and get up the courage to talk to people (which is going to be really hard since I'm giving up alcohol)

14. Keep my room organized (easier said than done, hello ADD)

15. Write max 20 posts per month for blogging gig ($500 / month)

16. Start a saving fund for basic expenses for the second half of next year when I'll likely be out of a job.

18. Take an antidepressant for a year and see if it actually helps my mood swings over time.

19. Go to group therapy when possible and give what it takes to get the most out of it possible.

20. Make an effort to spend one day a month with each of my few friends.

22. Read at least 4 fiction books and 4 personal finance / economics books and 4 books on interaction design

23. Start saving for a car replacement

24. Put my all into work, even though sometimes I don't know how to. Be positive at work and supportive of the chaotic environment that is life at a startup. Try to bring a smile to the table always.

25. Work on being a better listener and communicator. Learn from career counselor how to do that.

26. Try to take one day at a time and be happy for all I have and all the opportunities that are to come.

Thanks 1-800-DENTIST: I won a toothbrush!

2009-12-22T16:12:00.000-08:00

I never win anything, so I was really excited to get a DM from 1-800-Dentist informing me that I won ToothBrush Tuesday and will be receiving a Sonicare toothbrush sometime next month. Oh yea!

This makes up for the extra $500 I spent on my dentist this year since after my appointments I was informed that my dentist wasn't actually on my plan.

I've never owned a fancy electric toothbrush so I'm extremely excited to have won. My teeth aren't in the world's best shape but I think having a fancy toothbrush will help keep plaque at bay. Of all the things in the world I could have won, this is a prize that I'm truly value because it's useful and something I should probably own anyway.

So thanks 1-800-Dentist... I can't wait to get my new fancy toothbrush in the mail! Maybe I'll even call up to find a new dentist since the one I had this year is not on my dental plan.

If you want to win a Sonicare toothbrush, just follow @1800DENTIST next Tuesday and Tweet:

Its Toothbrush Tuesday! Follow @1800dentist & Tweet #1800dentist by 3pmPST. You could win a FREE Sonicare: http://ow.ly/OCcS

That's what I did AND I WON! Dreams do come true. Lol. Ok, so this prize isn't necessarily dreamy, but I'm half jumping out of my seat right now for winning something I actually need. Go me.

The Joys of Working for a Startup

2009-12-22T14:36:00.000-08:00

There are plenty plusses and minuses that come with working for a startup. The biggest plus, in my opinion, is knowing when your money will run out. This gives you ample time to prepare for what's next if needed. While layoffs still hit smaller startups, it's not like at a big company where one day you have a great job and the next day you're in the unemployment line. With the risk of being in a startup, you get a little more security in the short term.

I've never worked for a big "stable" company. One day I'd like to, even though I'm fairly sure I won't be able to stand big corporate politics. Even though my job isn't perfect, I love that I sit in the same room as the CEO and that for the most part, there are no secrets about the business. Not everything is out in the open, but I can ask questions and get answers to most of my questions, and I try not to pry beyond my welcome.

The cons are largely in not being in charge and having little control over the direction the startup will take. If you are in control and you have VC backing, that's a lot of pressure on you. I'm not sure I could take that kind of pressure, so a part of me is glad that I get to sit on the sidelines and watch the game plays, even if I don't always agree with them.

Still, it's tough to know the date your job may end. I'm lucky that I'm young and single with an emergency savings account so being unemployed for a little while won't kill me. The question is, though, when is the appropriate time to jump ship? Do you wait and go down with the ship, and receive the honor that comes with that, or do you wage a full on job search?

So far I've sent out a few applications here and there, but the economy is limiting options and I haven't even landed an interview yet. My whole life I've been a roll-with-the-punches type gal, and I'll probably ride this little adventure out the same way. After all, my professional life has been a series of ups and downs leading from one job to the next, bringing me closer to whatever my dream job might be. When I got laid off from my part time admin job one morning and three hours later got a call from the company that would, within a week, offer me my first full-time job I knew to just trust the way the world works. I don't believe in God or karma, but I think things work out in the long run. In the meanwhile, you have to be smart, especially when it comes to finances. I'm no Einstein of dough, but having all my savings makes me a lot less nervous about the day, likely in the next year, when I will be out of a job.

Mid-Month Financial & Budget Check Up

2009-12-21T16:53:00.000-08:00

Instead of letting my spending addiction control me, I'm now using Mint's planning features (read my interview with Mint CEO about this feature release here) and am finding that the tools are extremely useful in keeping myself on track.

This month has been a bit wonky between travel and gifts and end-of-year expenses, but I'm trying my best to stick to the budget I set for myself. What I really like about Mint is that it's easy to adjust my budget as the month goes on. So, for instance, this month my medical/health costs skyrocketed, and I reduced my entertainment and education costs to balance out some of the extra spending. Ultimately, my goal is to save as much as possible per month without living "frugally." I just want to live smart under my means, and earn enough income to make this possible without being "cheap" or "frugal." Also, this month I received a surprise $200 bonus, so I am using that to pay for the remainder of the month with the exception of whatever other bills I will be paying automatically before the 1st.

Expenses so far this month: $3983

Auto: $194 / 200

Bills: $341 / 400

Education $0 / 10

Fees: $12 / 15

Food: $363 / 500

Gifts: $90 / 100

Health & Fitness: $1422 / 1500

Rent: $632 / 632

Personal Care: $78 / 100

Shopping: $423 / 500

Travel $322 / 400

Other: $70

................................

Come January, I'm shrinking my budget and focusing on saving more each month. This month, I'm lucky, I have a lot of belated freelance income owed to me that is coming in the mail so my excess spending should balance out, even leaving enough to save a bit. Still, I need to be more careful next year. I may only have a job 1/2 the year if my company runs out of money, which means I might need to give being a frugal a try, at least for a little while, and maximize my savings as much as possible.

Say Yes to the Dress -- Why I'm Going to Try to Say No...

2009-12-21T15:34:00.000-08:00

My reality TV obsession as of late is TLC's "Say Yes to the Dress." Now that I'm 26, I'm like (almost) every other girl in the world who (isn't married yet) is thinking about being a bride and all that goes with it. Hey, I've been with my bf 3.5 years, so it's not like marriage is so far off I shouldn't be thinking about such things. (Right... right?)

Watching the show has me fiscally horrified, especially the episodes featuring women who have no budget and can buy a dress that costs $6k or more. As a kid, I would have been certain that my wedding dress would be on par with the dresses shown on SYTTD, and that I'd have money flowing from every possible bank account to fund my dream wedding. Nowadays, I'm a lot smarter than that. And thinking about the cost of my one-day wedding makes me almost violently ill.

When I was 12, my family threw a huge Bat Mitzvah party for me. It was ridiculous. I don't know how much it cost but I think it was around $13k. For a Bat Mitzvah. It was the fault of my parents as much as it was mine. My party was probably on the higher end of what my peers spent in my temple, but certainly not the highest. I wanted to have the reception at one venue that my parents deemed too expensive. Where'd all the money go? The venue and food, the DJ / band (yes I had a DJ AND Band at my Bat Mitzvah), the professional photographer, professional videographer, the outfit (though my dress wasn't really that expensive compared to anything else), the party favors (I needed three colors on the custom t-shirts so that cost extra), the party planner, and who knows what else. With such a big family on both sides, a lot of people were invited, and many came. I didn't know half the people at my party, but it was a party, and I enjoyed it (as much as an atheist girl can when she is celebrating the end of years of religious study.)

Looking forward to my wedding day (even though I'm not even engaged yet), I know that I want to be frugal when it comes to the big day. But I'm also the type of girl that believes in going all out or not going at all. And I'm tempted not to go. At least when I was a kid at my Bat Mitzvah I was so ignorant. While that was awful for my parent's finances, at least I could ENJOY the celebration, for what that's worth. Knowing how much my wedding costs will make it tough for me to enjoy any of it. I'd elope except my mom would shoot me, so it looks like I'll be forced to have a wedding.

According to I Will Teach You to Be Rich and the Wall Street Journal, the average wedding cost is $28,000. That's the AVERAGE, people. I'm not surprised knowing how much parties cost, but I can't imagine how so many people spend this much, especially when the majority of them are in debt.

When I watch Say Yes to the Dress, I'm amazed by how the lower-end buyers are looking for dresses that cost around $3,000. First of all, if I ever spend $3,000 on a dress it will NOT be white because God knows a white dress won't be able to be worn twice (and a bridal gown can't be worn twice anyway, unless you manage to have the Project Runway contestants makeover your dress into a modern frock.)

How can anyone spend $3,000 or more on a dress to be worn one day? I dream of finding a used designer gown that's still in perfect condition so at least I'll get a decent price on a nice gown, but really, I know designer gowns still cost more than what I'd like to spend on a dress. The most I've ever spent on a garment is $460, which was my $600 leather jacket on sale. And I wear that basically every day.

I've been eying the designer Maggie Sottero who has some lovely dresses that I could see wearing on my wedding day. I'm short and pear-apple shaped, so finding a dress that is flattering will be beyond difficult (I can't pull off strapless unless I go on a serious diet)... I wish I could pull off a dress like this but with my waist that would just not look good. From what I can tell, this designer's gowns run more like $1k - $2k, which is still more than I'd like to spend. Honestly, do I even need a wedding gown? Can't I just get a nice prom dress and call it a day?

How much did you spend (or expect to spend) on your wedding dress (or wife's wedding dress)? Was it in your budget, or did you spend more (or less) than you wanted to? Did you get your dress on sale, or full price? Were you happy with your purchase?

Julie & Julia -- A Lesson on Loving Your Work

2009-12-17T09:05:00.001-08:00

On my Continental flight home for the holidays, I spent $6 to watch Direct TV and movies... maybe not the best use of $6, but it was worth it. They were playing a movie I had wanted to see for a while and haven't got around to it -- Julie & Julia.

Wow, I loved the movie! As a blogger, of course I could relate to the main character who wrote about her life every day. For Julie, her blog was all about trying to complete the recipes in Julia Child's cookbook. The real-life Julie actually did start out as a blogger, then got a book deal, and then a movie deal. Such things do happen, apparently.

I always dream about getting a book deal off this blog. I don't know if I'd have enough interesting things to write at this point, but by the time I'm in my 30s I hope I know enough to write a book about personal finance. It's certainly inspiring to watch a movie about how for some people, blogging about what you love can go somewhere beyond just putting writing out there into cyberspace. The movie was all about turning 30, and while I'm not quite there yet, I'm getting closer. I'm 26, I'm really close.

One thing that really spoke to me about the movie was how it's all about following your passion. For both Julia and Julie, they went against the odds and took a risk to dedicate much of their time to cooking. Cooking is not my passion, but there are plenty of things that are -- writing about personal finance, painting (which I haven't done in way too long), and, well, really I don't need more than two passions. One is enough.

I'd really like to get back into painting next year. I have paints and just need to buy a canvas and I'm ready to go. Maybe I'll even blog about it.

By the way, here's Julie Powell's current blog... where she writes about her life post the Julia Child Project. Awesomeness.

Reader Question Thursday: How Do I Get out of Debt, Fix My Credit, and Save Money? Part 1

2009-12-17T08:15:00.000-08:00

Every Tuesday I'm going to try to answer a reader question. The question can be about anything related to personal finance. You can also ask me a question about anything you've read on my blog. If you ask me a question I don't know the answer to, I'll do the research and get the answer for you. :)

Please ask me question(s) in this post so I can get started and pick one to answer next week. Today, I'm going to answer a reader question from last night. Feel free to chime in with your advice by posting a comment.

Tamara "Tam" Major said...

"...i'm 25 and i wanted to read what others were writing at my age. ive really enjoyed reading your blogs the past few days - but i honestly have no idea where to get started saving in the finance world. my husband and i just got married and my plan for the new year is to get our credit up, get out of debt and save as much as possible. if you have any suggestions on where to start id really appreciate your input."

thanks,
tamara

Tamara, great for you in doing research on how to get your credit up and get out of debt. I'm not sure how much of my blog you've read, but I've never been in debt for many reasons that have nothing to do with my being good with managing my money. But now that I'm a personal finance blogger and looking to save, I apply many of the principles of getting out of debt to saving money (though not always perfectly, as my readers will attest.)

That said, there are many great personal finance bloggers who are or have been in debt, and have impressively pulled themselves out of debt in relatively short periods of time by being really smart about their spending.

Let's break this question down into three parts... I'll start with part one in this Reader Question Tuesday... how do you get out of debt?

Some of this may be obvious to you, so forgive me for starting with the basics. Making a budget (and sticking to the budget) which includes a significant debt repayment each month is going to be key. I don't know about your spending habits so if you already do this and are extremely frugal and have absolutely no funds to spare for debt repayment, then this advice may not be as relevant for you. However, if you buy things you don't "need" -- even if that's a latte from Starbucks or a song off iTunes, it's time to re-think your spending patterns.

Suze Orman is a great resource for debt reduction. She is a tough-love type advisor, which is what people need when they're in debt. (And when they're out of debt and living on a limited income). I don't always agree with her but at the core she's probably the best resource for learning how to get out of debt. I skimmed her book Young, Fabulous and Broke when I first got out of college and found it provided some great advice for 20 somethings who are in debt. You probably get get it at your library, or read it at the book store if you don't want to buy it right now.

Secondly, I recommend reading all the wonderful personal finance blogs available where people have written about how they got out of debt. Since I don't have these stories, on the debt end you're probably best off reading some of these other blogs. Here are a few to check out:

Give Me Back My Five Bucks (by Krystal at Work) -- Krystal has $17,000 of debt and got out of debt in ONE YEAR! Now she's started an emergency fund, savings, a retirement portfolio, and I bet her credit score has improved too. She has a sub-section of her site about getting out of debt where she provides a lot of advice through experience.

Also check out Ugly Debty, Out of Debt Debt Again, Blogging Away Debt for starters. Lots of the personal finance blogs out there were started by people in their 20s and 30s about getting out of debt. If you are so inspired, start your own blog to track your process and goals. I find it is really helpful to have your goals read by the public... even if only one other person is reading your blog, you're accountable to that one person. You'll think twice before buying that latte.

Another helpful tool that I write a lot about is Mint.com -- on Mint you can connect all your credit cards, debit cards and see your debt-to-income ratio, track your budget and your expenses. Sometimes just getting a clear picture of where your money and where you can be saving is a huge help in getting out of debt.

Figure out how much you can afford to live on, realistically, but cutting back on things that you think cost too much in your life. Make a budget based on that. Pay your debt off first. If you have time to do side jobs, do them, and put that money straight to your debt. The quicker you can pay it off, the better.

Without knowing how much debt you're in, what your income is, what kind of debt (education? car? credit card?) it's hard to give you specific advice about how to get out of debt. If you comment with some more details, I'll post them in this blog.

Also... readers... please chime in with your advice for Tamara. :)

If You're a Parent, Don't be Like My Parents

2009-12-16T23:42:00.001-08:00

My father always brought home a good salary from his white-collar job, so when I still lived at home my family lived a comfortable life. Then my dad got sick and his income went from barely enough to support the family's lifestyle to the little he got for disability.

Even though he has saved up a sizable amount in retirement accounts through the years, between himself and my mother there's $1 million in an IRA available to support them for the rest of their lives. That sounds like a lot of money, but at the rate they spend, it isn't.

I made my mom sign up for Mint about a year ago, just so I can start to get a picture of their finances. It doesn't include all the income they're getting through disability and other monthly funds, so I'm not clear exactly how much money they have, or how much they will make in the coming years. Maybe they have tons of money and I just don't know where it all is or where it will come from.

On Mint, I looked at their spending for 2009. Right now it's at $160,000. They paid off their house (though I think might have a home equity line of credit they're repaying now) so that's $160,000 for two adults and one semester of my sister's college tuition, room and board. Yikes. I'm sure with my dad's health condition there are some costs in there that are necessary, but health insurance pays for a lot of those fees. My mom has no idea how to budget (my dad doesn't either, but he's generally better at not buying lots of things at once that he doesn't need) and I'm worried about her having enough money for her "retirement."

What's really making me boil is how my dad paid for my sister's tuition with his credit card because he is about 3 years behind on taxes... and can't get the home equity line of credit at 5% interest until he finishes all of this. So he put the money on the credit card, which has a $7000 balance on it right now. They've already paid two months of interest on that, and it looks like there will be more. At the very least, I know my dad used to always pay off the credit card bills every month, so it really makes me sad and frustrated to see that they are paying the credit card company when they don't have to be.

In one year at least they'll have access to the IRA money... but even that $1 million won't be enough for them. I showed my mom that if they spend $200k per year that $1m will last 5 years (maybe a bit more with interest, but not much more.) As I said above, they do have some extra income... disability, a pension, etc. I think for now they're taking in $6k a month, but I'm not sure what that will be after my dad dies of his cancer. That's when the shit is going to really hit the fan. And I'm going to have to try to help sort it all out and wipe it all up.

Now, I've written before about how my dad worked his whole life wanting to build wealth for the family and pass some on to his children. It frustrates me that my mother sees no reason to save any of the money he earned for her kids. It's hard not to be biased in this because I'm his kid and I'd benefit from this, but it's a bit sad that he saved so much money just to have my mom spend it all on QVC. I'm not counting on her leaving anything to me later in life, and I shouldn't, but I just grew up being told by my dad that one day there'd be money left for me and my sister. I didn't know how much, but my dad always has laughed at my current preoccupation with investing in my retirement, as he says there's enough money coming from him to fund that. Yea, right. That is all going to be spent. Which is fine, I just wish my parents would spend it a little wiser... not thousands of dollars on a cleaning person who overcharges them and on credit card interest, etc.

At least I am making my own money and have my own accounts now. I don't know what help I can be to my mother until my dad passes away. That's an awful thing to say, but it's true. My dad is so controlling about the finances and doesn't like to talk about them. He refuses to pay any bills online and won't let my mom pay the bills so they're often late and he just pays the late fee. It's all so ridiculous.

I can't wait to be a parent, and to have the ability to teach my kids about personal finance from a young age and practice what I preach.

For a man who spent his life planning pension plans for companies, my father sure needs to learn a lot about money.

How much should I save and where should I put it?

2009-12-16T08:51:00.000-08:00

Lots of my readers think I'm a spoiled brat with a spending addiction, and occasionally I get a comment along those lines. Part of the reason I started this blog is that I agree with that statement and I'm trying to be smarter about my finances. Without the PF world I probably would be in debt by now instead of having $45k in savings. Yes, I have a shopping addiction. Yes, I need to stop making excuses for buying expensive clothes. Yes, I need to focus on saving more. But my biggest problem is not knowing where to save. It's not the best excuse, but it's true.

I can easily put away $5k per year in my Roth IRA because I always save up that much the year before (I overestimate on my taxes and pretend that money doesn't exist) but beyond that I am not sure where to put my savings. Spending the money is, sadly, a lot easier than figuring that out. Again, an excuse, but I really don't know where to put my money. With no 401k at work, I'm not sure where I should save. Do any of you have ideas for me?

I have some automatic transfers set up. $100 / month to ING Direct liquid emergency fund, $50 / month to Sharebuilder, $50 / month to my 529 plan. I'm not really sure how to save for retirement beyond my 401k or if I even should be saving more than that right now specifically for retirement. If I could figure out HOW MUCH I should be saving and WHERE I should be saving it, believe me, it would be a lot easier to save it.

My current accounts...

Checking: $375
Basic Savings Account: $301
CD / Emergency Fund: $8,073.49
ING Direct Savings / Liquid Emergency Fund: $3000
PayPal: $70

Roth IRA: $14,482
Sharebuilder Stocks & ETFs: $9,801.43
Vanguard Index Fund: $4113.69
Vanguard 529 College Plan: $890.44
Lending Club: $555.95
Prosper: $233.10
HSA: $1000

Where on earth should I be putting my savings and how much should I really try to save each year?

Dear Mint... How I love thee, let me count the ways...

2009-12-15T19:34:00.000-08:00

After finding out about personal finance sites like Mint, Geezeo and Wesebe in their early days, I've been enamored with the concept of using technology to make personal finance easier to grok. While Geezeo and Wesabe (and Cake and Covestor, etc) had some decent features, Mint ultimately took the cake... with the frosting.

Even though I was a little worried when they were bought by Intuit, I'm still a fan. I can't say I contribute to their wealth as I'm pretty smart about my credit cards and cds, so they never have any good deals to offer me. (Mint, take note of BillShrink.com, which is offering a cool find cheapo gas near you feature... which is actually useful for me. Though I'm not sure how they'd make money off of that feature, other than hoping you get a CD or Credit Card through them on an educated whim.)

Anyway, what has me all buzzing about Mint today? Their planning tools that they rolled out a few months ago. They weren't that useful to me online only, but now that I have my shiny new iPhone having the Mint app makes my financial life a thousand times easier and better.

Just tracking my expenses and income per category, and having access to that at all times, is giving me so much more control over my financial life. And it feels good. Minty good.

While this month my expenses have been (scary) more than I'd like, starting in 2010 I'm going to use Mint to carefully BUDGET (like really budget) and account for every little thing I spend. It's so easy to do that because Mint knows. Every once in a while I have to adjust a category or categorize a check, but that's easier than inputing everything by hand. I am so excited to embark on a year of incredible savings and budgeting thanks to my Mint iPhone app and Mint.com (and yes, even (M)intuit.

In Happier News

2009-12-15T18:11:00.000-08:00

I finally got paid after weeks of negotiating post negotiating my fees with the one company. I might not have made as much as I expected, but at the very least it pretty much directly covers the extra $500 I had to spend today on my dental care that I didn't expect.

It was nice to see that paycheck in the mail today, especially since today I also got my first iPhone bill statement which is $134 (for about 1.5 months.)

So I have $1050 worth of checks in my purse that I need to cash. My current credit card balance is $1700 (yikes) so all my side income this month is going directly to jail and not passing go, I mean, to the credit card company.

I had some old invoices I had to send out so I'm expecting a backlog of paychecks including the two I just got...

$550: company A blogs for October
$500: company B blogs, press release, etc for November
$450: company C illustration and copyedits
$475: company A blogs for November
>=$100: company A blogs for Dec (I've written 4 so far at $25 / blog)
>=$120: company B blogs for Dec (two written so far)

So my "side job" income from October to December will be at least $2195 and if I can get my act together and write 16 more blog posts this month it may be $2595 or $863 a month. Not bad... if I could keep that up I will be able to hit my goal of $10k side income in 2010... but it's unlikely I will make this much every month next year (and this year's income doesn't count.) I just had some really good months for my freelance business.

If only my freelance income could add up to enough where I could quit my job. I'd give anything to have a flexible schedule again... I just want to be able to work when I want and take classes when I want. I want to take a painting class and a few web programming / design courses at the community college but they're only offered in the middle of the afternoon or all morning, which is not possible right now. If my company goes under the first thing I'm going to do is see about building my freelance career again and taking some classes.

Why I Will Never Be Able to Not Take My Career Personally

2009-12-15T16:36:00.001-08:00

I worry about the future too much, but at the moment I'm worrying about today. Well, everyday of my life. My career, my job, the thing I do that takes up most of my life and puts food on the table.

Maybe had I not been so stubborn in college and majored in design or something useful, I'd be in a better place right now. I'm so fortunate to have a great-paying job in these hard economic times and yet I'm miserable. I like getting paid, sure, but I hate feeling useless.

The biggest problem, I've realized, is that I don't feel like I have the ability to really influence the success of the company. There's little I can do... or offer to do... without it seeming like I'm stepping on people's toes. The challenge for 2010 is, then, to figure out some awesome impressive project I can work on that no one else wants to do that proves to be hugely important for the company in the short-long run.

Or maybe I'm going about career growth in all the wrong ways. I just am terrified of leaving this job and having nothing show for it. My specific position isn't easy to explain because it's changing on a daily basis. I want to find ways to measure my impact but I'm failing to do so... and ultimately it becomes harder and harder to promote a product I don't 100% believe in. Scratch that, I believe in the product, just not its execution.

The little I can do feels like such a futile attempt at putting band-aids on a broken leg or changing the angle so it just doesn't look that bad. I can't figure out how to not take work personally, I get so attached to everything I care about and then when other people won't even listen or think I don't know what I'm saying, well, what's a girl to do?

I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I wish I did. I have this complex where I can't accept doing something that doesn't have the potential to have a major impact on the world as we know it. Not that my current job will do that, but at the very least it's at a company that is looking to disrupt a market with innovation, which I'm drawn to... if we were truly innovating and knew which market we were disrupting.

Deep down I feel like maybe I'd be happy as a teacher or even a social worker... I get so much satisfaction out of helping people. That's the only part of my job that really fuels me, the customer service end of it. I'd be down with marketing if I believed in the product, but regardless I always believe in helping people. It's also nice that I do this all online because I think it would be very taxing to have to help people in person. And the whole concept of spending my life just helping people for some reason seems so... I don't know, it seems like a waste of a life. Even though I know it isn't. But that's what my gut tells me. I want so much more than being a social worker -- even though social workers are amazing and way better people then I'll ever be.

I read job postings every day and freak out. I read about various positions that maybe I'd enjoy and then get to the job requirements and cry a little inside. I read about entry-level positions that pay half what I'm making now that would maybe be my best bet, but that I doubt I could get given my experience. I doubt I'll ever find something that will really click with me. Obviously I have issues. But I know I love helping people. I have this dream of being a personal finance guru like Suze Orman except less annoying (wow, can I really be less annoying than anyone? heh.) I want to start a business. Or write a book. Or design a really cool phone.

Anything I want to do (with the exception of maybe writing a book, which I don't feel ready for yet) seems to unobtainable. And I'm stuck here at this job that could be so much if I could figure out what to make of it, and how to navigate the office politics, and make myself useful again. I just feel like everyone here is working their asses off and I don't even know what to do. Other than market the company. But I'm not in charge of marketing. I don't have a budget. I just have social media. And spending all day on Twitter can drive a girl off her Tweeter, so to speak.

Dental Fees and Expensive Insurance Goofs

2009-12-15T14:15:00.001-08:00

I hadn't been to the dentist in a while so when I got dental insurance at my current job I scheduled an appointment with a dentist office near my office. I asked on the phone if they take Delta Dental and their answer was yes.

The first appointment for my annual cleaning (covered at 100%, in theory) went as well as I expected. I was pressured into spending $25 for this newfangled technology to scan my gums to see if I have gum cancer (which in hindsight I shouldn't have agreed to -- I don't smoke and there are plenty other kinds of cancer I'm at high risk for that I'm not spending money on getting screened for) and the dentist told me I needed to get a full deep cleaning (root planning and scaling) and that she wanted to fill in my back teeth (about 6 of them) so that they wouldn't get worse in the dark spots.

After spending too many years avoiding the dentist (mostly due to not having insurance) I agreed to all of these procedures. I've been to a few dentists in my life and didn't trust any of them, but I liked this office and other than the pitch for the cancer screening, I felt like I could trust this doctor.

I gave the woman in charge of billing and the front desk my insurance card for Delta Dental. I'm not sure if the card says "Premier" on it or not, but at the time neither her nor I noticed it. Besides, Dental Dental Premier sounds fancier than Dental Dental PPO. Wouldn't you think, logically, that Premier means better coverage, not worse than PPO?

The billing lady gave me an estimation of how much I'd owe with the insurance paying up to my deductible. And it wasn't cheap. It looked like I was going to be spending about $2000 with the insurance to get all of this work done. Well, $2025 with the stupid cancer screening.

I figured it was worth it to spend the money now and get my teeth squeaky clean and filled and healthy. I went through all the deep cleanings and paid for my estimated portion at the time of service on my credit card (hey, at least I'll get some miles out of this.)

So today when I went in to start the fillings the normal billing lady wasn't there and an assistant came in to the room to tell me what work I was getting done. Assuming nothing had changed billing wise, I just asked about why I was getting all four teeth on one side done and wouldn't it make sense to get the four worst (the back teeth) on both sides done first. I asked if the billing lady would be in and she was apparently at lunch and would be back in a minute...

This is when I was hit with the bad news. My "Premier" insurance actually didn't cover this dentist office. Well, it did a little bit, but at a much lesser amount than a dentist on the Premier plan. And, apparently I owed $500 to the dentist just to cover all the work done thus far.

I was shocked and felt like crying. It's not that the $500 is going to kill me, but I'm just frustrated that the billing assistant didn't notice that. In fact I remember the first day I came in she was having a conversation with another new patient about Delta Premier but I wasn't really listening to it and didn't know that was the kind of insurance I had... I figured she would tell me if I didn't have the right kind of insurance for that office. So maybe she didn't know or maybe she just missed it. I certainly missed it.

Sitting in the dentist chair today with a bib already around my neck and the dentist walking in the room prepping to do the fillings, I had to get my head wrapped around the $500 that I owed and the more than $600 that the work today would have cost for just four of the eight fillings I "need." The billing manager woman seemed to think I was going to stay and get the work done, basically pitching that I have more of my yearly deductible left so it makes sense to get the work done now before the year is over. I couldn't do all the math and without knowing how much the costs were going to be, I had to get out of the chair and cancel my appointment. It was really awkward and anxiety-causing. I felt like my head was going to explode but I just got up, paid the $500 I owed them, got an itemized receipt of all my work done, cancelled all future appointments and left.

It IS my fault that I didn't understand the Delta Premier situation and how it's different from the Delta PPO I had at my last job. I also didn't really pay attention to the mail I've been getting from Delta because I assumed I paid everything at the time of service... I had been paying more than $200 each time I went in and it was adding up fast.

Now I just wonder if I should bother trying to get fillings at another dentist that's actually on my plan. It still won't be cheap and I had budgeted for the dentist office's estimated costs. I didn't think they'd be $500 more just for a deep cleaning. I don't even understand this itemized bill... what should have been covered if I went to a Premier provider versus what wasn't. I thought the original cleaning and basic xrays were free with the insurance, but it looks like they weren't. I have no idea what I paid for or if I should have or what should be covered by my insurance. No freaking idea. This is really making me, well, not happy at all. I spent more than $1000 this month on medical expenses (incl. doc, vision and dental) and I haven't even gotten my fillings done. I give up. I am just going to avoid the dentist in the future. I'll stick to toothbrushes and floss.

$10,000 (Extra) in 2010

2009-12-15T12:30:00.001-08:00

Given my poor ability to stick to budget and control my spending splurges, I've decided that the best way to balance out my shopping addiction is to up my income by a significant amount. My goal is to earn $10k in extra income (preferably post tax) in 2010. This is totally do-able, although far from a certainty.

Granted, I am going to work hard at budgeting (with Mint's iPhone app this may actually be possible. It's harder to spend $1000 at Bloomie's with your shopping budget in bright yellow, close approaching what you told yourself you would spend on clothes for the month) but even with budgeting, I think having a goal of side income is worth while, and one I can stick to in 2010.

I figure with self employment tax and my regular federal and state taxes, I will have to earn 40% more than 10,000 in order to end up with a net profit of $10k. So I'm just going to aim for $15k in extra earnings over the year, or about $1250 in additional income per month.

How do-able is this goal, really? I don't want to set myself up for failure, but I think I can achieve this. The variables certainly hinder my plans, as there's a large change I will no longer be in my current full-time position by the end of 2010 (either the company will fold or I will leave) and my next job may pay better but have less flexible hours or pay less and make the $15k extra income more of a necessity than a luxury.

Regardless, I'm going to approach 2010 as if nothing is going to change in my full-time income or freelance clients.

The closest to a sure thing is the $500 / month I make writing 20 entries per month for a blog. Beyond that, I have another client that I just started working for and I think I can make an average of $150 / month for them if they keep me on. That leaves another $600 to earn per month. I can earn this a variety of ways... through blogging (I've made about 8 dollars in AdSense Ads for the last five months so I doubt that's really going to help), trying to get other freelance writing gigs, or doing random jobs that pay decently on the weekends. I'm not sure what yet, but I'll have to figure that out. If my uncle's business picks back up, maybe I will get to write for him again as well. That was a good, stable side gig until the economy flushed itself down the toilet.

Do you think it's possible for me to earn an additional $1250 a month outside of my full-time job? Do you have any suggestions for what I should do to earn the income?

My First iPhone

2009-12-14T22:47:00.000-08:00

I've avoided buying a "smartphone" for a long time now because I didn't want to pay the extra $30 a month for a required Internet connection. That $360 add-on to my cell phone bill per year isn't really necessary, given I'm rarely away from an Internet connection and my laptop. Still, working in technology and occasionally writing about mobile innovations, I felt it was important to finally get a fancy smartphone.

But which one? I have been on Verizon ever since my first cell phone, and wasn't ready to switch since I've been fairly happy with the service. I really wanted an iPhone and I've been waiting for Verizon to get one, but the AT&T contract ties up the iPhone w/ them until at least 2010. And given that my old phone disappeared, I needed a replacement and didn't want to tie myself up with another two years on Verizon.

I looked at the Droid and the Droid Eris but wasn't impressed. The iPhone just felt right and the design -- hardware and software -- was way more intuitive and slick than the clunky Droid. So I walked into an AT&T store and made my purchase.

I'm still in denial of how much I'll be spending on my phone each year. $80 a month is not cheap. But I think it's worth it in my industry.

The good news is that my iPhone is already paying back for itself. My boyfriend and I were out looking for a place to grab dinner and we found a local restaurant that had a 25% off coupon online and went there. The more I can use my iPhone to save, the better I'll feel about the monthly service charge!

How many of you own a smartphone? How much do you pay per month for your phone?

Look for a New Job or Apply to Grad School?

2009-12-14T15:59:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I wrote a post about how I'm going to take the GMAT in 2010, but I'm still unsure that's the best idea. I feel like I'm ready for a change, and ready to focus on education right now. I don't want to put grad school off much longer, despite being incapacitated by my fear of educational loans and debt.

There are still things I like about my job, but not many. Largely I just need like I'm not needed anymore and the few things I could do to help, I'm not allowed to do. I'm in a very odd spot.

I have a hard time reading my mind and separating out what I really want to do from my escapist tendencies. I've been in this job over two years now which is really good for me, but I feel really stuck. My biggest problem is that I have trouble marketing a product that is flawed in ways that it needn't be flawed.

I don't know how people separate their work from their emotions. I always, ALWAYS get emotionally involved in the work I do. And when things are imperfect I find it impossible to just accept that and ignore it and do my job.

But going to grad school ISN'T going to change that. There will always be people who don't want to listen. And there will always be times when I'm wrong even though my gut tells me I'm right. I feel like at least with a graduate degree I'll have a little more clout, or an opportunity to be in a role that has final say about something.

I don't fit in with the culture here at all, but I'm not sure where I'd fit. If I go to grad school for the field I want to study I'd likely end up back in a company just like this. Maybe the culture would be slightly different, but designers as a whole seem to be faced with the problem of having engineers and the marketing team and the CEO alter their designs until there is no design left.

The reason I'm drawn to an MBA is that maybe I can be in charge one day. But I don't really want to be in charge, I don't want all that responsibility on my shoulders. I don't mind running my own freelance writing "business" because if something goes wrong I'm the one who loses money... no the investors or coworkers because I don't have any. I like that kind of responsibility. I'm terrified of being responsible for a business. And still having to convince people that my ideas are right.

So do I apply to grad school now? I kind of... well, I kind of really want to. I'm trying to think about why I shouldn't and should...

Why I should apply...

- Time to study a field I'm really interested in and obtain skills that I didn't get during undergrad
- Be in an environment where people are allowed to explore perfection without business realities (ie design school)
- If I get in, I can still decide not to go, but at least I'd have the option
- Have an "end date" to my current job that is set, so I can survive each day until I leave
- Open doors for myself that are currently closed due to my experience
- Shake up my life a bit, get myself out of this funk, move on to the next phase of my life
- maybe my boyfriend would be more inspired to apply to grad school if I did, and especially if I got in and had plans to leave town
- Explore new career paths that I'm not even fully aware of yet
- Make contacts and get solid faculty recommendations
- Secure internships in design that I can't do as a non student
- To prove to myself that I can get in to grad school
- To prove to myself that I belong in grad school

Why I shouldn't apply...

- I probably can't get into the schools I'd want to go to with my GRE scores and GPA
- I struggle with consistency in academic work and I'm worried I'd fail, never get my degree but still be in debt from school
- DEBT. LOTS AND LOTS OF DEBT.
- Going to grad school doesn't guarantee a good job after I graduate. It could even hurt my chances of being employed, though that's unlikely in my field
- It's possible to pick up skills by taking non matriculated classes nearby and to change professions without a masters degree
- A business degree might make more sense even though I'd rather be a designer than a CEO... but if I am the CEO at least I can have final say on design
- I'd have to ask for letters of recommendation from my current employers, so they'd know I'm trying to leave, and if I don't get in that would be even more awkward
- If I ask for letters of recommendation from my coworkers and then I get in and decide not to go, that will also look bad
- Did I mention debt?
- I like living in the bay area and the grad schools I'm looking at are far away. I'd have to move again. I hate moving. I really, really, really hate moving.
- I will miss my boyfriend. A lot. We've been together almost 4 years now. It would be tough being away from him.

What would you do?

2009-12-14T13:40:00.001-08:00

My friend and her boyfriend, I'll call them Jessica and Dave, belong to a vacation club where they get a certain amount of points per year. They can either bank the points and roll them over to the next year, or cash them out in gift cards to use at hotels. Jessica is rolling in debt, but the whole vacation club is paid for by her boyfriend (which later turned out to be a big problem.)

I invited Jessica to go to a party with me in the city one evening earlier this month. She mentioned that she had all these gift cards left that were going to expire soon, so she decided to book us a hotel for the night so we could really have fun at the party. Personally, I thought it was kind of silly to book a hotel room for the evening when we live about 45 minutes away (I've done the sober up and drive home later in the night thing plenty of times) but she insisted that we might as well, since she had over $1500 in gift cards left that expire in February. So I said sure, why not.

She drove us to the city and wanted to get valet at the hotel for her car. That was $50 for the night. I suggested we put the car in a cheaper garage and she said it was no big deal because she would just pay for it with her points, so I said fine.

When we arrived to check in, I stood next to her and found out that she couldn't use her gift card at check in because they need a credit card in case there are any damages to the room or other expenses that go beyond the gift card amount. So she gave them her credit card but it was denied. So I offered to put the room on my card for the time being. My friend assured me my card wouldn't be charged and that she could use the gift card when she checked out. She had used the cards before with no problem at other hotels.

We went to the party and had a pretty good time. Drank a lot so it was nice to have a hotel room in the city. We didn't stay at just any hotel, we stayed at the swanky hotel where the party was with a room that cost $270 a night after tax. But it was all going to be covered by Jessica's gift card that she had to use up anyway. Or so I thought.

The next morning when we tried to check out, there was a problem. Because Jessica's boyfriend's name was on the gift cards, the woman at the front desk wouldn't let us use the card. My friend begged and pleaded to no avail. Apparently she used the card without Dave around before and at another hotel they accepted it. But here, they wouldn't. So after too long standing there and hoping the card would be accepted, we gave up. And the $330 charge went on my credit card.

My friend told me that she'd ask her boyfriend for the money and that he'd pay me back. The really awful part was that she couldn't use the card to reimburse us because you have to use it at a hotel. I told her that it would be worth calling the vacation club right away and say the card was denied. She doesn't have to tell them why, but if she can get her boyfriend on the phone maybe they would reimburse her. I kind of felt like an asshole trying to get her to do this since I also stayed in the hotel room for the night, but I didn't think her boyfriend should have to pay an extra $330 for something he didn't even get to experience. I know my friend Jessica isn't the best with money and is so much in debt that she can't afford the room either, so I offered to split the charge with her. So $175 down the drain for a night at a hotel that I didn't need.

That was last week. I keep asking my friend to call the vacation club company but she hasn't yet. Or she says she tries but they are busy. I don't think she's really trying. I'm sure her boyfriend will give her money for her half of the hotel room and eventually I'll get that back, but I'm a little peeved.

Question is, do I have a right to be peeved? I accepted the hotel room offer even though I knew it would be expensive, as my friend said she needed to use up her vacation points and this was a small percentage of the ones she had left. She didn't purposefully get the hotel and have the points not work, she didn't realize that her boyfriend had to be there for the cards to be valid. On the other hand, why didn't she realize that? And shouldn't she make an effort to call her vacation card company right away to see if they would be willing to reimburse her from her gift card? What would you do?

Childhood Neglect or Frugality?

2009-12-13T13:31:00.000-08:00

Last night, my boyfriend and I went to his cousin's birthday party. He loves watching healthy families in action. While I knew his childhood wasn't filled with much expense, I never truely understood just how his mother's frugality led to him being neglected a child. But then he flat out said that he'd prefer his childhood to mine anyday, and I questioned how neglected he was, and where a parent crosses the line of being frugal too far.

This comes after my spending yesterday reading blogs about early retirement, like Early Retirement Extreme, and all about extreme frugality. After managing to get through Bloomingdales and make a return without shopping, I felt good about resisting consumerism (specificially, shiny things for sale.) I kept thinking about how awful stores are, especially trends and making you want to buy things that look new and stylish. So when I talked to my boyfriend last night, it just felt like such a contrast, and I understood why he's not lured by shopping malls the same way I am.

Was my boyfriend neglected as a child? I know a lot of people grow up without money and their parents make due, but that's not quite what his situation was. His mother has always worked, but she refuses to spend money beyond her thrift store splurges. She never left her parents house, and that is where my boyfriend grew up. The house itself is in a very nice area and the family owns a lot of land for this part of California. However, the place is a wreck. His Grandparents are hoarders of the Depression era, and often when I visit the house it seems like they live in a movie. They keep stale bread in the otherwise unusable oven, gather empty soup cans, collect broken bikes, etc.

His mother, who never married his father, lived with her parents, so my boyfriend lived with her parents (and still does, though now he at least has a separate one-room structure out back). He never had his own bedroom, in fact he slept on the floor on a mat with his mother until he was 12 or 13, as he recalls, and then eventually moved into the living room, where he slept on the couch.

As far as food and clothes go, he ate very poorly -- bread and toast, most often, and occasionally fast food. His clothes were all from thrift stores, which that alone is fine, but they were not nice, which made him more of an outcast at school. Also, as an only child, he grew up like this with no one else to talk to. His dad lived nearby in an apartment when he was young, but then moved away. His parents still get along (hey, that's better than my still-married parents who hate each other). His dad is a whole other frugal story which I'll get to one day, but now I'm just wondering if my boyfriend was neglected as a child, or if his family is just -- extreme frugal.

His mom has saved up a lot of money over the years. I don't know how much, but it's enough to put my boyfriend through college and grad school, and likely buy a home outright when her parents pass and the current house needs to be sold and split up among their children.

On one hand, I think it's pretty awesome that she could save so much through the years. She takes vacations on occasion to National Parks and goes camping, she doesn't do anything consumer except shop for groceries at discount grocers. She has saved plenty of money for retirement and then some. She hasn't worked the best paying job, but she had a decent job that she's held on to for years. She's miserable, depressed, hates living with her crazy parents, hates her job, but that's just what she does. She can't deal with change, so that's the way it is.

Apparently one day a long time ago the neighbors called the cops on the family for child neglect. They saw the Grandmother picking food out of a trash can at the park or something and thought she was going to feed it to the child of the house. So the cops came and looked around. I'm surprised they didn't find evidence of neglect. My bf spoke to them and eventually they went away.

So now my boyfriend has grown up with a very, very different idea of money than me. It's good... in that I like dating someone who doesn't value money as the be all end all of happiness. On the other hand, that was MY life growing up. It's hard to just switch to extreme frugality. Luckily for me, my boyfriend understands that its important to spend on some things -- healthy food, decent clothes, occasional vacations, etc. I couldn't be with someone any more frugal than that.

It just makes me sad to think of how neglected he was as a child. He was definitely an "accident" and it seems like he was treated as such growing up. Now he's got a slew of mental issues -- very unique ones -- involving socialization and relationships. No shit. I love him to death. Sometimes it drives me nuts how abnormal he is but I couldn't be with anyone normal, so I think we're a great match for each other.

I just wish for him that he'll get his act together and apply to grad school and get out of that house. He's 27 now, and he still lives at home. That's fairly normal for this area, but when you're in an environment like that, I think it's just unhealthy. He still has to go in the main cluttered house for the kitchen, the bathroom, etc. But maybe I'm just spoiled and have no idea what it's like to live when it's bad. He has electricity (though he's not allowed to use it much) and running water and he eats when he wants. At least he has that.

Hanukah and the Consumer Holidays

2009-12-12T09:56:00.000-08:00

Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish friends out in cyberspace. This time of year always reminds me of why I'm an ardent capitalist wishing I was less of a consumer. If religion wasn't bad enough, we need to give ourselves one time of year when we have to give gifts to everyone we love. Well, we don't have to, but for many close relatives and friends, if they give you a gift you kind of have to return the favor.

I remember that one year in middle school when I was determined that buying people gifts would make them like me (oh, have I mentioned I was the odd kid out always?) I had a few close friends, but mostly all my friends and acquaintances blurred and I found it extremely difficult to determine who would get a pair of earrings from me and who wouldn't. So I had a long list of all the people who A) I was friends with, B) Who were nice to me and C) who I wanted to be friends with and who weren't total assholes to me. And all of them got gifts. I can't believe my mom let me do that. Each gift was on the cheap side, but regardless I didn't need to get gifts for half of the school chorus. It didn't change what they thought of me.

Nowadays, I am a lot more realistic on the giving end. My family doesn't really exchange gifts except one cousins gift exchange which I've opted out of this year. My parents don't get me gifts ever (even for my birthday) unless I buy myself something and request to be reimbursed. And I don't buy my parents anything either usually... for their birthday, Hanukkah, or any holiday -- mostly because they have so much and I have no idea what to buy them. My mom always says she wants jewelery but anything you get her she'll have something negative to say about it. I have no idea what to get for my dad. What do you get a man who's dying of cancer? Well, I'd like to get him a trip to Italy, but even for me that's an expensive gift to buy someone who may not be able to go... he has to be around for his doctors appointments.

I usually buy my boyfriend something in the $100 range. Last year I didn't get him a Christmas gift but then I got him a $550 birthday gift (guitar) so that was more or less his Christmas and birthday gift. Unlike buying gifts for my family, I like to buy gifts for my boyfriend because he's always appreciative. I usually get him something he's hinted at that he wants, but this year I got him something that he hasn't asked for... even so, I know he'll be thankful for whatever I give him regardless of the cost or what it is. He's a good guy like that.

When I have kids, I want to make sure they understand that gifts should always be appreciated. Also, I don't know how much gift giving we'll do in the family. Gifting is a waste of money to some degree, unless you buy something useful. But how many kids love to get socks for Hanukkah or Christmas every year? Toys are the biggest waste of all. If anything I'd gift my kids something that would spark their creativity, or books, or an extracurricular activity. I guess there are some toys that are worth while, but the last time I walked into a Toys 'r Us I felt incredibly dirty looking at the prices of toys these days. Who pays that much for junk? Lots of people.

I don't even remember what I got for the holidays growing up except a few items... a beautiful amethyst and marquisette bracelet from my grandmother, money towards a keyboard from my aunt, and, well, that's about all I remember.

What makes a good gift to a friend or family member for the holidays? How about for a child? And what was your favorite gift that you received growing up?