Dec 9, 2007

Gift Giving and Buying

Growing up, I had a really unhealthy perception of the meaning of gifts. First off, I felt like I 'deserved' some amazing gift just because my parents got me everything I wanted that wasn't completely amazing, and they'd never get me what I really wanted - a keyboard, an expensive designer barbie doll, voice lessons, etc. Rarely did I get these things as gifts (from family, friends), but every other gift seemed like a bore.

When it came to gift giving, I needed to give the biggest (or at the least the best.) Let me back-phrase this by noting I was a huge loner up until high school... more because I was a bit hyperactive and curious and no one my age knew what to do with me (except for my somewhat abusive "friend," but that's another story). In Middle School, for some reason I decided that I had to buy gifts for dozens upon dozens of people who were more or less acquaintances. I had a lot of acquaintances due to being involved with chorus and the school play. So I went to Claires (the accessories shop) and spent about $7 a gift (of my parent's money). $7 a gift for 60 people... adds up fast.

Back then, a part of me felt like I might be able to buy the chance at a friendship. Not only did I just buy these people gifts, but I thought long and hard about what they'd like and picked out the perfect size and shape of jewelery for them. That was one of the most fulfilling moments of all my childhood - buying gifts, with my parents money, for people who either didn't care about me or found me to be annoying.

Years later, my whole perception on gift giving has changed. I've realized that gifts are definitely more about the 'thought,' and that people understand you can't buy every single person you've ever met a holiday gift.

It's hard to figure out how much to spend on gifts, though. I have a few good friends... and they deserve zillion dollar gifts, with airfare, but alas, I'm no richie. I also am a bit of a miser, as I hate spending money. My money. Part of that is reasonable (I have $25k in savings thanks to a broken arm lawsuit from 6th grade, which is a lot, and yet not that much... because I'm freelancing and health care is expensive and I really want to go back to grad school to study design which will cost me something like $100k and I want to save up for that BEFORE I go if at all possible)... and part of that is me not really understanding money.

My boyfriend and I often exchange expensive gifts. I didn't expect for that to be the case, but in our relationship my birthday came up first and he got me an iPod... and dinner. He likes spending money on other people... and one day when he has a substantial amount I'm sure his gifts would be even more impressive. He's a total 180 from my last boyfriend, who... with a salary of 135k a year (he's an attorney... and he finished law school with $0 in loans, thanks to a little bit of savings and mostly his parents), wouldn't think to buy me a gift any more expensive than what I might be able to afford for him.

I wonder how much religion and culture plays into all of this. Jews are stereotyped as "stingy," and I think that might be true. I'm Jewish, culturally, and my ex was also Jewish. My current boyfriend is pretty much agnostic, although he was raised somewhat Christian.

In any case, gift giving is so different these days. I can handle exchanging gifts with my boyfriend but even that causes such anxiety. After he bought me the ipod, I knew I had to top it. (See, why did I HAVE to "TOP" it?) So I bought him a Nintendo Wii (which I had every intention of playing.) This year, he's revamped the expensive gift tradition, buying me a Wacom tablet. Now, I wouldn't have bought this graphic design tool for myself, although it's really wonderful to have for my job and hobby. His birthday is coming up in march, wtf do I get him?

Meanwhile, today I have to buy gifts for my two cousins that live locally. My mom is supposedly reimbursing me for these gifts, since they're from her. But I'd like to get the kidlets gifts as well. They have just about everything, according to their mother, so I don't know what to get them. Right now they're young enough that they just enjoy opening gifts and quickly forget what it is they've received. But being me... I want to get them a brilliant gift, something that will encourage creativity and/or help grow their young minds.

Therefore, today will be spent freaking out about finding the perfect gift for my cousins. I also have to buy a $50 gift for one of my cousins in New Jersey, as I'm part of this giant Hannukah gift exchange that will take place at a party on Dec 15 that I won't be able to attend. I have no clue what to get him.

I really think that when it comes to gifts, it is the thought that counts. I sometimes wish my boyfriend was a bit more creative in his gift-ing (although I do love my iPod and tablet) because I end up telling him I really want these things for weeks before my birthday and then he gets them for me. It's kind of weird. I'm not used to that. I guess a lot of guys do that for their girlfriends? I'm too much of an unlabeled feminist to let that be one way, though.

Well, it's time to go gift shopping.


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