Mar 14, 2009

What I'd Pay for Friends

I often fantasize about having a group of friends who I can go out and enjoy life with. Then I think about how much that group of friends would cost me, and I unthink that fantasy. Having a social life is expensive... at least dating my boyfriend is cheap, we barely ever go out. But friends... friends go to movies, go to clubs, go shopping, go to coffee, spend money...

It's really bothering me that I can't make friends around here. At least I've yet to figure out how to meet people who share my interests. I'd honestly love to find friends who like talking about investing and money... without looking down on me for now having a background in economics. But that's tough to find amongst people my age. The type of friends I like are people who just love good conversation. And people who know how to be silly and laugh too. Do they exist?


My roommates are fun, but I can't imagine having a lengthy conversation with them about investing strategies, or whether cash truly is king. So I write this blog, because I know out there in the PF blogosphere there are other people interested in this stuff. But where are they? Why can't they be my friends in real life?

Or maybe I just don't know how to be a friend. How does one find friends anyway..? In college it was a little easier. I was always shy, but at some point I got drunk and made some people laugh and they became my friends. Well, these days I don't have any social contact outside of work and my performance stuff in the evenings.

Should I stop being so concerned about having a social life? I just feel like my life is so so great right now except I have no solid group of friends. And that depresses me. Quite a bit.



10 comments:

wellheeled said...

Friends don't have to cost a lot of money. Just have a dinner party - $20 worth of ingredients at Trader Joe's will get you enough food for a party of 4.

Join a volunteer group, or go to your school's alumni-association-sponsored events. Should cost you very little, but give you new opportunities to meet people.

Making friends after college is hard because people are busier, but you can do it if it's important enough to you. Don't let money stop you from finding good friends - they are worth their weight in gold. Platinum, even. ;)

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I've heard good things about meetup.com - there are over a hundred groups in my area (central CT), so maybe you could find one that appeals to you? There were some groups that were focused on finance, so maybe you could meet like minded people. The problem with all of the personal finance people is that no one will go out and spend money so that you can meet them!

Revanche said...

re: friends worth their weight in gold
Or pick lightweight friends. Bonus to that is that they'll be cheap drinking dates, too ;)

I do agree that friends don't have to be expensive, though. We're going on a hike (cost of gas), and we like to find discount sushi if we go out.

As for finding friends who enjoy talking finance/investing/money in general, PF bloggers are everywhere! There's got to be a few near you.

QL girl said...

I feel exactly the same way. Making friends was so easy in high school and I had tons of friends. In college I had less friends, but I'd say they were higher quality. Nowadays I'm down the to BF and maybe a few of his friends.

The money part aside, its the "finding friends" part that intimidates me. You can't exactly put out a personal ad (or can you? lol), and it feels kind of forced (to me) on those meetup sites. Maybe I just don't know where to look, or maybe I put too much thought into it. Either way, your last line really struck a chord...it is quite depressing for me as well.

sfordinarygirl said...

I have the same problem. Finding and keeping solid friends where you can talk freely and openly about investing and cash takes time and effort. It's hard to find those kinds of friends through meetup.com. It's a real mixed bag and it takes a lot of trial and error.

Have you tried One Brick? They have volunteer opportunities all over the Bay Area and there are quite a few 20-somethings. Sometimes the best way to meet friends is through blogging. I've met a few people that I hang out with on occasion but we don't go into pf details. But we do low-key things such as eating in and hanging out.

Anonymous said...

I moved to the D.C. area 3 years ago and I still don't have a circle of friends. I have a great boyfriend and a good job...but no real friends. Or at least, not here. And things don't look promising on that front. I don't think I realized how hard it would be to make friends in a new place. It's not like college or grad school...you don't see new faces every semester. And you spend all day at work so if you don't become BFFs with your co-workers then you're kind of screwed. Anyway, I don't know how to help but I can commiserate.

Fabulously Broke said...

I second that.

I have an awesome boyfriend, love being in the city, but my best friend lives 8 hours away, and my friends live 5 hours away. :( I'm just so far from the loop.

And when I move to Dallas, I'll really be cut off.

I guess my only way to cope is to make friends at work and then hope for the best lol...

*sigh*

And I can only talk about money to my best friend (freely) maybe to a couple of other friends, but only on the advice giving side. Not on the "hey, what do you think about cash?" lol.. no discussions here.

I hear ya!

E. Sheppard said...

I agree with some other posters about joining groups. It's a terrific way to meet people. You can be as social or not at the meetings until you feel comfortable.

Depending on where you live, there are computer groups, genealogy groups, church groups, sports groups, singles groups, social groups, and many more.

Volunteering is also a great way to meet lifelong friends.

Another idea is to get in touch with some of your old friends again. You can never have enough friends, and it's worth all your effort.

Make some time for making friends, and you will be very happy with the results.

Good luck!

E. Sheppard said...

Oh - you probably won't need the singles group. Just re-read your posting. :-)

RMS said...

I found this post because i am also so desperate for friends i would pay for them.. i'm not talking about Facebook friends... i mean REAL friends. I am a 33 year old DWF and i literally do not have ONE friend. I am so lonely. Could you pls be my friend? Let's start with facebook. http://www.facebook.com/ginastorey

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