Feb 19, 2008

The Most Depressing Article Ever

StackingPennies left me a comment on my post earlier today where I rambled on and on about making babies and marriage and such. While most of my peers seem to not share in hearing the baby-making clock, it seems many are thinking more about marriage (soon!) than popping out the kidlets.

I wanted to clarify a few things about the other entry first... Kacie mentioned something about not taking hormonal bcp's to make me more fertile. To sum up why that won't work -- I don't get my period ever unless I'm on BCPs. To make me ovulate will require expensive hormone injections and such. So for me, making a baby will be a large expense. There's nothing much I can do about that.

Now, onto the real reason I'm writing another entry this evening...

StackingPennies posted a link to an article in The Atlantic titled "Marry Him! The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough!"

(Gosh, if Pennies thought my noting that I'm "deprecating into womanhood" was depressing, I'm not so sure how s/he felt about this article.)

The author, a single mother in her late 30s, uses four pages to convince her reader that settling, especially at such an old age, is the better thing to do than to live alone forever. Forget love or attraction, really. A marriage is a business agreement. Find someone you can stand, who maybe you enjoy spending time with, and that's the best you can ask for, especially when you've passed your prime.

I'm glad that at 24, I've found a guy who I love, and as long as things continue to work out, I won't have to deal with settling. One thing that I applaud myself for is my ability to be rational about love. I don't expect "Mr. Right" to never veer to have his, uh, Mr. Left moments. There are plenty things that bug me about my boyfriend, but ultimately I feel comfortable with him. I'm attracted to him. And I'm head over heals in love with him.

But not to the point of being so romantically in love that I can't see how our relationship would develop as we moved on to sharing our lives together. There are things that would be a bit of a struggle... dealing with compromising on finances... how to raise the children (I'd want to shelter them a bit more than he would). But in the end, I feel like we'd get along just fine. My biggest concern is what happens if he passes away first. I know, morbid thought, but if that's my biggest concern than I'd say this is a pretty darned good relationship.

I don't think people should ever "settle," but I do think both men and women should have realistic expectations of what love is. So many people want someone to fit this mold they've invented of their soul mate. That doesn't exist. Or maybe it seems like it does, but then you realize he leaves the toilet seat up.

My life is currently fantastic because I've found the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. We could be rich, we could be poor. We could have 10 children or none. But as long as I have him there beside me through it all, I know I'll be fine.

On the other hand, it's not all that healthy to put that much weight on one relationship. My relationship experience isn't all that varied, yet I think I know what I'm looking for. I've been on a lot of first dates, and have been in a few LTRs. I think that, while love at first sight is a joke, there is a such truth to knowing a year or so into a relationship if it's meant to be.

Maybe I'll have to settle with everything else in my life, but not love. That's one thing I refuse to settle for. Thanks to luck, fate, or whatever brought me to California and helped me meet my boyfriend, I won't have to



6 comments:

SavingDiva said...

Wow! That was an extremely depressing article! I have to admit that I would rather be single than have to put up with someone that I was only luke warm about.

stackingpennies said...

Haha, I definitely thought it was depressing and didn't agree... but it was still quite interesting to read. You never hear ANYONE say those things

Also, I do think that perhaps if I were in my late 30s I may have a different opinion about settling. Maybe. But at our age, "settling" for sure shouldn't be on the table.

asgreen said...

I agree when it comes to your heart you should never settle. Our culture teaches us that "prince charming" is on his way, romantic movies show us that love is easy. We have these unrealistic expectations of what love is and should be. So I agree never settle, but revise your expectations and if you are lucky (as I recently have been) you will meet someone who gives you more good times then bad, and you will compromise on the rest.

JanePlain said...

i like how you say that we should have realistic expectations on love. I'm 28, and single - and while I'm enjoying myself a lot, I'm also not sure if I'll meet "THE guy", and have been thinking about my expectations - whether or not they're hopeless/realistic. I'm still not sure of the answer, but I do hope that if I end up with someone, it's because I love them - however I happen to define it, and because he loves me - enough to want to be together.

MEG said...

I totally agree expectations about love should be realistic.

Love is a committment, a decision, not an emotion or butterfly feelings in your stomach (or other places).

No one is perfect, and no relationship is perfect. If both parties accept that and are open to compromising and communicating opently, then almost any relationship can work.

The romantic idea that we all have of love and the idea that you should be "in love" with the person you marry is a VERY recent development in human culture. One that happens to correlate very strongly with the increase in divorce.

Ryan said...

Gee, what if you're Mr. Just Good Enough looking for Ms. Right, or Mr. Right considering Ms. Just Good Enough? I guess that's why I'm single...

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